Economic cost of IBD

A report released today reveals the true cost if IBD to Australia. It's a stunning figure and one even I wasn't aware of.
The report says cases of IBD are more prevalent than epilepsy and multiple sclerosis and on par with schizophrenia. It also says that the psychological impact can at times be compared to the amputation of an arm. Interesting reading.

Be aware

I don't see myself as a crusader for any particular cause, nor do I want to be a poster boy for anything but I feel I must spend some time on this.
June 18-22 is Australian Crohns & Colitis Awareness Week. If you click the link it will explain better than I will here exactly what Inflammatory Bowel Disease is.
What I will explain here is my experience of living with IBD, a condition that is not life-threatening a large majority of the time but one that is very much lifestyle threatening.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with Crohns Disease after a short, sharp period of illness that followed some on and off unexplained ailments. They were soon very much explained.
The night before some test results I became intensely afraid of cancer and had to have my doctor say the words `you don't have cancer' to be satisfied.
While that was a relief, what he told me I had was hard to understand. I'd heard of it vaguely, by name, as most people have but didn't really know what it would mean. Initially everything seemed surreal and I had an insense feeling of unease.
How has it affected me?
For me the effects have been more psychological than physical (touch wood). When the condition has been active, which has happened twice since diagnosis, the physical effects included weight loss (I lost about 9-10kg both times), appetite loss, severe tiredness and different bathroom habits. Some people get pretty bad pain, fortunately I don't at this stage. The biggest effect has come in lifestyle. While generally I can and do still do pretty much everything I did before disgnosis I tend to have to be more wary of certain things.
Why should awareness be raised?
Unlike some conditions, it isn't obvious that someone has to deal with conditions like this. By that I mean unless you are physically sick you don't look sick. But that doesn't mean it isn't having an effect. The nature of IBD is that it can come and go. There can be years between `flares', but also some people never have perios of remissions. It's been six months since I got over the physical side of my last `flare' of the disease and only now am I feeling good. In the time between now and then I have worked (with a couple of breaks) but haven't always been on my game.
What can you do?
I have found that some people go out of their way to understand what is going on in an effort to accommodate you if need be. Those people are priceless. Simple understanding and support are the most important things anyone can offer.
Others just say `I've heard of it but don't know much about it'. If you're in that latter category I urge you to spent a few minutes learning. I sincerely hope you don't have to deal with this issue but it can affect anyone and you probably know someone who is.
An American guy called Josh Golder has made a film True Guts which features people living with IBD. I am yet to see it but hope to.

So there's something of what I experience. To this point I consider myself one of the fortunate ones in that while it has been and is a difficult thing to manage it is well within the manageable range, according to the doc, and therefore I haven't had to take any `serious' drugs. I hope it stays that way.

The half-year movie report

So far in 2007 I have seen 12 films at the cinema. That number is down on the norm by four or five I'd say but the quality has been pretty good.

In chronological order:
1. The Holiday 8/10
2. Stranger Than Fiction 8/10
3. Rocky Balboa 7.5/10
4. Hot Fuzz 7.5/10
5. Reign Over Me 9/10
6. Shooter 8/10
7. The Number 23 8.5/10
8. Spider-Man 3 9/10
9. Noise 8/10
10. Pirates Of The Caribbean:At World's End 7/10
11. Shrek The Third 7/10
12. Breach 9/10

Plenty of films to come including Blades Of Glory, Transformers, Harry Potter 5, Die Hard 4 and of course the long awaited Simpsons movie.

The challenge

It's called many different things.
During the week I was told by the doctor that I was again in remission. I knew that already but it's great to have it official as it were. Remission is a strange description but one that many people will be familiar with. To me the more accurate description is dormant.
The big challenge for me now is to keep it that way for as long as possible. Last time it was about 18 months but I spent much of that trying to pretend there was nothing to accommodate.
This time around I'd like to think that I am much better equipped.
I have to recognise that there are limits but that they don't need to be as strict as I have been keeping them.
I have to be sensible about things like diet, exercise, rest and relaxation and incorporate them as effectively as possible.
I have to draw the line with work and make sure I don't overdo it. This is a tough one because I really enjoy my work but that was my downfall last time.
I have to learn not to freak out so much. Again this is not easy because I think that the unconscious mind is a lot more powerful than we give it credit for.
What's great for me is to be returning to work after a break that was by choice and not dictated by meltdowns or illness. It's also great to have been feeling pretty good most of the time.
As I said, all this is the big challenge. By mastering it life should be a lot easier than it has been.
At least that's how it should be in theory.

The holiday is over

Well almost. The weekend still counts, doesn't it?
It's been a good break. I haven't done anything major but it's nice to be off work and in decent shape for a change.
Kinda looking forward to going back.

Breach

Knowing the ending of a movie you a watching in the first minute can take the sting out of it, but that's not the case with Breach , the true story of fallen FBI agent Robert Hanssen.
It is established in the opening that Hanssen is guilty of selling classified information to the Russians over a period of 20 or so years up to 2001.
Scarily portrayed by the excellent Chris Cooper, Hanssen is a devoted husband and Catholic and goes to church regularly. To the untrained eye he is the all-American good guy.
This certainly fools Eric O'Neill (Ryan Phillippe), who is a wannabe agent sent in by the FBI to bring down Hanssen. It is an unlikely pairing. The first thing Hanssen asks O'Neill is to tell him five things about him of which only four are true so he can pick the lie. Interesting.
O'Neill quickly feels out of his depth and approaches agent Kate Burroughs, played by the fabulous Laura Linney, demanding to know what he is up against.
Hanssen invades O'Neill's life, unsettling his marriage and making him constantly have to second guess himself. At one point O'Neill says `I'm telling so many lies I'm having trouble getting things straight'.
Phillipe is not known for his acting ability. But like he did for Hayden Christensen in Shattered Glass, writer and director Billy Ray brings out the best in Phillippe. Acting alongside Chris Cooper demands nothing less than brilliance and Phillippe delivers and delivers big time. He is outstanding in every way and certainly matches Cooper step for step. The movie was probably released at the wrong time, otherwise I'd say Phillippe should be up for a best supporting actor nod.
Breach is not everyone's cup of tea but it's safe to say if you liked Shattered Glass you'll like this. It is bleak, not flashy at all and requires concentration. But the rewards are there. A very strong 9 out of 10.

Contemplation

The biggest thing bugging me at the moment is, put simply, that I don't know where I stand.
Yes that is a broad generalisation, here's the detail.
....with myself.
It might sound strange but I've had such a ride in the last six months or so I'm not sure if I'm me anymore. I've been through scary low points to somewhat normal but am generally stuck somewhere in between.
....with Church.
A while back I decided I needed a break from my home church of over five years. I felt like energy was being drawn out of me by going there. Two Sundays ago I went for the first time in about 10 weeks and it was nice, though a shade odd to be there after so long but that was probably just me. I still don't know where things sit there.
In no way have I loosened grip on my faith, if anything tough times make you stronger, and I should point that out.
....with friends.
When things get really difficult, you know who you can count on because it becomes obvious. Obvious because the ones you can't count on tend to disappear. They don't call, don't check in, don't visit. That's hard to take.
....with health.
Perhaps that will become a shade clearer tomorrow but with so much upheaval I have become a bit spooked by all these crises. I'm generally pretty good but health isn't all about the physical stuff.
....with where I am headed.
It's all uncertainty when it shouldn't be so foggy. There should be a clear direction but all there is are circles.

When push comes to shove you taste what you're made of. You might bend till you break 'cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your head, shake it off. Then you stand. (Rascal Flatts' Stand)

Weekend tidbits

Half way through my holidays at the moment. It's a nice break and I don't really mind the rain (aside from the obvious good aspects) because it is conducive to rugging up with a good film.
So I've been trying to do that.
My only issue with the rain is that it has prevented me from taking my daily walk, aside from today when I took advantage of a break in the weather and some sunshine.
My first foray into a film was Catch A Fire, the film set in South Africa starring Tim Robbins and it didn't do anything for me. Glad I passed on it at the movies after some early interest based on good reviews.
I have some episodes of Lost to watch this week so will try to slot them in somewhere.
My recent interest in country music with the band Rascal Flatts has continued. While I'm still right into the wonderful Me And My Gang CD I have picked up their two previous albums Feels Like Today and Melt and they are quite good (though I have only listened to them once so far).

OTH: All These Things That I've Done

Another cracking episode of One Tree Hill, the seventh in season 4, which sees a lot of action in a short space of time.
Peyton is still freaking out about her stalker and can't even fathom going to school. Her half-brother Derek tries to toughen her up and has a go at Lucas for `babying' her.
Rachel is up to her delicious tricks and outs Brooke's affair with her teacher to the principal.
Haley tries her hand at babysitting and Deb gets arrested for trying to buy several prescription drugs with a forged script.
Mouth, easily one of the best characters, prepares for his date with the surprisingly appealing Gigi and then is faced with a dilemma when invited out for a date with a model.
The centre of the episode, though, is Nathan's involvement in a gambling scam designed to eliminate his debt to a rather unsavoury acquaintance. Nathan asks Lucas (pictured) to do the unthinkable and help him rig the game, which he reluctantly does but vows `never again'.
The season 4 finale airs this week, I'm still a way off that and it's really hard not to look ahead out of turn. But knowing a full 22 episodes of season 5 have been ordered helps ease the urge to rush.
The networks (and a heck of a lot of people who watched shows like The O.C) don't know what they are missing.

Shrek The Third

There's no other way to describe it but the much hyped third movie in the series, Shrek The Third , is a disappointment.
Where do I start?
We pick up not too long after where Shrek 2 left off. Fiona's father is dying (I found it very weird that he was a rather small frog) and he leaves Shrek in charge of the kingdom of Far, Far Away, much to Shrek's chagrin.
After a death scene to rival one from the original Buffy movie, the king eventually coughs up that there is an heir. Shrek, not wanting to take on the responsibility of being king, sets off to find him.
In the interim, Prince Charming rallies all the fairytale villians to take over the kingdom. The Prince seems to have a disturbing habit of performing plays about his conquests (or prospective ones). Also disturbing is how Donkey and the dragon have managed to have children.
There are some funny moments in the film, it's not a dud by any means. There's just nothing new here. They've already done it, twice, and it's looking tired and forced.
Knowing there is already a Shrek 4 in production, let's just hope they lift their game a bit.
I wouldn't say don't go and see it if it interests you but don't expect anything mind blowing. A 7 out of 10, tempted to go a shade lower.

Downside to all the rain

I don't want to be a half-full kind of guy but I found a downside to all this great rain we are having.
Travelling back to Sydney today on the train, we were forced to stop at Maitland and were transferred onto a bus because the track was flooded. Ironically I took the train because I didn't want to sit on a bus. Then again I could have driven but that raises all sorts of other issues that I won't go into here.
The water laying on the ground along the countryside was amazing to look at and hopefully will make a massive difference, streams were flowing that haven't in ages.
Anyway I was about two hours late home since the train was halted. Small price to pay for the best rain we've had in ages I know. Let's hope there's more of it.

My take on The Secret

Much has been said and written about The Secret and it has even been sent up on The Chaser.
(Just an aside, I thought the Chaser's send-up was hilarious.)
Having read the book myself, just this week, here's my 20 cents worth.
I don't see how it's a bad thing to have a positive attitude. It can't be a bad thing to feel good. People should lead lives of abundance.
Would you rather have your head filled with thoughts of doubt, worry and fear or of joy, love and laughter. It's an easy call.
Getting to the latter point, however, doesn't appear so easy at least to me.
Yes it comes across as new-age mumbo jumbo and is a shade repetitive but maybe that's the secret to getting your head around The Secret. Who knows, it's probably different for each individual.
I think if one was to take on board what The Secret is putting forward they would have to have a clear view of what they expect and why they are doing it. I say this because the book claims to have the key to curing all bad things in life, simply it seems, by having a positive attitude and trying to feel good.
As I said I don't think it is a bad thing to be positive, in fact I am certain life is a lot easier when you're not weighed down by life.
So I think if one was to try The Secret they should do it simply to try and enjoy life more, and if all the amazing things claimed in the book follow then great. I've got to say that it says you should do things that bring you joy, whether they are meditating, eating chocolate or running a marathon. I've got to agree. Life's too short not to enjoy the things you like.
I'm not going to bag The Secret, in fact I don't see any harm in having an outlook that promotes enjoyment and feeling good.

TGIH

How does two weeks holidays sound?
To me, pretty good. And when I was asked if I wanted to take holidays who was I to turn them down. So I have two weeks from now R&R.
The big difference between now and the time off a while go should be obvious and I'm pretty happy about that.

I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness

It's episode five of One Tree Hill season 4 and the truth about Peyton's stalker, who poses as her long lost half-brother (as you do), Derek is revealed more so to her than to us.
It's a chilling episode in a way, signalled by the black opening title and no cast credits, in a similar vein to last season's shooting episode.
The episode, I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness, eludes to the way Peyton (left with evil Derek) will choose to handle her stalker's obsession. It's not really surprising.
The ending, where Lucas and the real Derek push the stalker out of Peyton's bedroom window, is a shade predictable as he gets away, certain to resurface later in the season.
The second episode viewed last night, Where Did You Sleep Last Night, is a much lighter affair. It's great how they have mixed it up. After the shooting episode last season there was a much funnier episode, balancing the tone.
This one, while still dealing with Peyton's worries about stalker Derek still being on the loose, focuses on Brooke and her affair with a guy who turns out to be her english teacher. Didn't see that coming. Also at the centre is the basketball team and Mouth's hilarious sidekick commentator Gigi who announces to him that she intends to ask him out.
Slowly getting through them but I'm keen to see where this is heading.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

The third film in the Pirates Of The Caribbean

series `At World's End' sees the series continue its swashbuckling ways providing the humorous entertainment that you'd expect.
I have one large criticism: IT'S TOO LONG!
Clocking at at around 165 minutes, Pirates 3 is far too indulgent length-wise and this detracts from the overall film, as far as I'm concerned.
Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow again steals the film and there isn't enough of him. His first scene is disturbingly brilliant, taking talking to yourself to a whole new level. Geoffrey Rush is again excellent as Captain Barbossa and I'd say without this pair there'd be little to attract you to the series.
Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly (though she looks nice, and far too pristine to be a pirate king) are there for girls and guys respectively to look at but offer little and pale in comparison to the real stars.
I also think I suffered from not seeing the second film, which I will get around to eventually. In all it was enjoying but lengthy. A 7 out of 10.

Jump the shark

I stumbled across this great website Jump The Shark.com that tells you the exact point when your favourite show had passed its peak.
It's a homage to that ridiculous Happy Days moment when Fonzie jumped a shark on a waterski. The show was never the same again.
I'm happy to say that three of my favourites are in the `Never Jumped' hall of fame - The Simpsons, Friends and Buffy.

DDW 2007

This week is Digestive Disorders Week with a conference being held in Washington. At the centre of it is World Crohns And Colitis Day on Wednesday 23 May.
Not sure if there is anything going on here but I'd like to encourage any and all readers of this page to check out ACCA and make yourself aware of these conditions and how they can affect you.

OTH season 5 confirmed

The CW has confirmed that One Tree Hill will get a season 5!
This is obviously great news for fans like me. The series will skip forward four years and by-pass the traditional and usually boring `college years'.
Of course I have only seen four episodes of season 4 so far. But I am looking forward to seeing how the series stacks up with such a bold move.

Broadband

I have now entered the 21st century, having just successfully connected myself to broadband.

A worthy crusade

Next year a guy from Melbourne called Damian Watson is going to cycle the Tour De France course to raise money and awareness for research into Crohns Disease.
You can find out a bit more here. I wish him good luck.

Mad About You

Before Friends, there was Mad About You and it's finally been released on DVD for me to watch again.
I picked up season 1 a few days ago and have been going through the episodes in the spare time. It took one or two to get going but once it did it was a very funny and sweet show.
I always had kind of a crush on Helen Hunt from these days, her character Jamie was sweet but neurotic and passionate. Paul Reiser played his character for laughs but the best actor on the show was the dog Murray.
I just watched the classic where Jamie gets a new job and office and wants to celebrate the same day that Paul's film gets passed on by PBS. His `defeat party' was hilarious.
It's great to get to relive these classic programs.

Noise

Australian movies can be hit and miss - this one is a hit.
Noise is a whodunnit set in Melbourne where the focus isn't so much on working out who staged the gruesome muders at the start of the film - it becomes pretty obvious mid-film - rather it looks at how the people involved in finding the killer interact.
The film centres on Constable Graeme McGahan, played by Brendan Cowell. He's injured when he blacks out while on duty and the boss posts him on caravan duty `investigating' a murder which may or may not be connected to the one at the start of the film.
He's also been diagnosed with tinnitus, a severe ringing in his ears, and is somewhat of a reluctant policeman.
Cowell, who features in the excellent TV series Love My Way, carries this film and for it to work he has to. The good thing about him is he is extremely likeable.
As I said the focus of the film isn't the mystery trying to be solved. This is why the movie works. You see into the characters lives, particularly McGahan, and what makes him tick.
The other star of the film is the sound recorder. The sound leaves you feeling the tension that McGahan feels every second. A subtle ringing can be heard quite regularly.
The performance by Cowell is a revelation (although it surprises no-one given his efforts on Love My Way). The cast isn't perfect and neither is the script but they don't need to be. The flaws are more than made up for by the quality of the story and the acting and the feeling you get while watching it.
The film's end is a tad unresolved in some ways but after more thought I have decided it ended pretty well, albeit a shade suddenly.
A quality film and if you're looking for something a bit different this is ideal. An 8 out of 10.

Ray 101

As most introductory courses (at university) are listed as 101, I shall limit my list to that number. I'll be interested to see how interesting I am by the time I hit the century, so here goes....

1. I grew up in a country town.
2. I thought it was too small when I was younger.
3. Now the size and ease of travelling around (compared to Sydney) are some of the things I like about it when I visit.
4. I dislike country music, despite growing up in the country music capital.
5. One of my favourite CDs at the moment is by an American country band.
6. I have lived in Sydney for almost nine years but I still think of myself as a country boy.
7. I achieved my ultimate career goal seven years ago when I started working in horse racing reporting.
8. Despite that I really enjoy my job.
9. I became a proper Christian in 1999.
10. I'm not perfect.
11. I am far too organised.
12. Spontanaeity is not one of my stronger suits.
13. I can be impulsive at times, though.
14. I am single and most of the time quite like it (but not always).
15. I always thought I would be married by the time I was 26.
16. I am 32.
17. I have one sister and a nephew.
18. My nephew is very cool for a five-year-old and I want him to succeed in life.
19. I am sentimental and a romantic.
20. Sometimes I think I take things too seriously.
21. But I don't know how not to (if that makes sense).
22. I think the beach is something that should be looked at but not touched.
23. I am a self-confessed movie critic.
24. Last year I saw 31 films at the cinema.
25. The last movie I saw was Spider-Man 3.
26. My favourite film and the best film of 2006 was Brokeback Mountain.
27. My top five movies of all time are: Wonder Boys, High Fidelity, The Talented Mr Ripley, Shattered Glass and Good Will Hunting.
28. I am a sucker for romantic comedies.
29. I am a cat person.
30. If I ever own a dog it will be a husky or a german shepherd.
31. I am really good at table tennis.
32. My biggest vice is that I am a collector so I can't just have one CD by an artist I like or one movie or one season of a TV show.
33. My all-time favourite TV show is Friends.
34. I think Homer Simpson is the coolest, strangest, funniest and most offensive character on TV.
35. To me the funniest episodes and segments of the Simpsons are those that contain religious references.
36. My current favourite TV show is One Tree Hill.
37. Because it isn't on TV here the shows I love to watch are Heroes and Brothers & Sisters.
38. People think I watch too much TV.
39. When Friends was on, most people wouldn't ring me because they thought I wouldn't talk to them until it was over.
40. I almost did a business degree instead of journalism.
41. I have a phobia about magpies.
42. My `porn name' is Fluffy Woodwood (I'm sure everyone knows how these are derived).
43. I don't drink alcohol.
44. That is not entirely by choice.
45. I can't ski.
46. My favourite singer is Mariah Carey.
47. I have seen her in concert and her rendition of Hero as the final song almost brought me to tears.
48. That song is very special to me.
49. I think 80s music is great.
50. I think music today is fairly ordinary compared to the 80s-90s.
51. My favourite band is Lifehouse.
52. I have four favourite songs: Hero (Mariah), I'll Be There For You (Rembrandts), Crash And Burn (Savage Garden), Everything (Lifehouse).
53. My music taste is far too broad.
54. I own a New Kids On The Block CD and two Spice Girls CDs.
55. When I was a teenager I was grossly overweight.
56. I never liked that fact.
57. Most people think that number 55 is a an untruth, I assure you it is not.
58. I am idealistic.
59. Even though I really don't want to be, most of the time I am a `glass half empty' person.
60. I love going to and watching the horse races.
61. I think it is awesome that I get to get paid for this and that people pay attention to what I think about the races.
62. Until recently I was a tad ashamed of being good at what I do.
63. Since I have gotten over this I fear I come across as arrogant at times at work.
64. I don't know where the middle ground is with that issue.
65. I am not a competitive person unless it is something I know I am good at.
66. If I care about someone I make sure they know it.
67. I think life is too short for people not to know they are loved.
68. It bothers me that this side of me has been mistaken for something else in the past.
69. I care far too much what other people think.
70. Six months ago I had a breakdown at work.
71. It caused a health crisis and a bad bout of depression.
72. During this time I seriously considered quitting my job and doing nothing.
73. I learned the hard way that work doesn't come first.
74. The bad thing about loving my job is that I can't always switch off from it.
75. I am learning how to say no.
76. As a general rule I think church music is ordinary.
77. I love to feel inspired and moved by music in church.
78. This is why I love Hillsong music.
79. My faith in Jesus played a big role in pulling me out of depression earlier this year.
80. I am trying to read the bible more.
81. My friends are very important to me.
82. Lately I think I talk about myself too much.
83. I don't have a desire to travel overseas.
84. I did that a decade ago and had a great time.
85. When I was younger I wanted to live in the USA.
86. I cried at the end of It's A Wonderful Life.
87. And at the end of Pay It Forward.
88. In 2000 I was carry over champion for four nights on Wheel Of Fortune.
89. I won an island holiday, among other things, and went sandboarding.
90. I think we are far too reliant on email and SMS for communication these days and have lost the personal touch.
91. As much as I believe number 90 I still email and text more than phoning or visiting and I am trying to rectify that.
92. I'm very much a contact person.
93. That means I quite often touch someone I am talking to be it hand shake, pat on back, hand on a shoulder.
94. I'd like this to illustrate that I care about them.
95. I used to collect He-Man figures as a teenager.
96. I have never ridden a horse.
97. The Grand Canyon is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
98. I have never been to Canberra, the nation's capital.
99. My favourite bible verse is Philippians 4:13.
100. It was sent to me by my best mate during a time of crisis to encourage me and I remember that verse every day.
101. If you want to know anything else just ask me.

First Time

Yesterday I had my first listen to the brand new Lifehouse track called `First Time'. They haven't lost it.
A new album is due out soon and now all we need is to get them to tour...

It's all coming back to me

Some people call it a rough patch, others call it wilderness. However you relate to a difficult period in your life, I've got to say that sometimes I think it is something you have to go through and other times I hope you never have to face.
I have found that a lot of things change, not just within yourself, when you are faced with such times. People react differently, and I know a bit about this.
When a major upheaval happens, and it can be anything it doesn't have to relate to illness or trauma, you change as a person. But the thing is other people don't change and some can't see that you are different, or at least altered.
In my life some people have been revelations. People I didn't really expect anything from have stepped up. Conversly people I did expect something from have disappared. That's a fact of life I suppose but it is never pleasant when you find out who your friends really are.
I don't hold anything against them. We are all faced with a choices when it comes to the people who are important in our lives and I'd much rather know where I stand than wonder.
So where am I at the moment? You know, sometimes I feel really good about things. I enjoy my work and while it still consumes more of my personal time that it should I am more wary of that than before.
Everyone has off days, and I have certainly had some. For me the off days are still hard to take because they remind me of the bad times just past.
At the same time it's not healthy to be always looking over my shoulder. I'm aware of the need to move forward but it isn't as easy at it sounds.
A few months back I thought the world was just going to swallow me up and in the really tough times I kind of wanted it to. Not good I know but that's how it felt.
I don't feel that way now, just so you know.
But during the last couple of months I have changed a few things, some temporarily, in an effort to rejuvenate myself.
I've attended a different church a bit. Looking for, I guess, the joy that is missing. While I won't find it in any building I have found a glimpse of the connection I guess I am seeking. Sometimes I still wonder why all this happened. I wonder whether things just happen at random. This of course clashes with my belief and faith in Jesus but it is something I concede I think about.
I've put a priority on relaxation, stress-reduction and enjoying things. Simple things I know but they are things that we don't prioritise in our lives until they are necessary.
This has been a long road back and one that is having its ups and downs. I sincerely hope it doesn't take too much longer. On one hand it has cost me six months or thereabouts, on the other it has the potential for creating a longer period of good health, not only physical but mental and emotional.
So that's where I stand. A little muddled, I realise, but really who has everything all worked out?

Listening to...

My current favourite songs are as follows...
1. How To Save A Life-The Fray
2. What Goes Around...Comes Around-Justin Timberlake
3. Little Wonders-Rob Thomas
4. This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race-Fall Out Boy
5. Steer-Missy Higgins

Not a lot of change apart from numbers 3 and 5 which are relatively new releases. That's more a reflection of the quality of music these days.
I'm still right into the Rascal Flatts CD I mentioned a while back. There are some great tracks there and a couple of amusing ones.

90210, season 2

I've just picked up season 2 of Beverly Hills 90210 and have knocked over a couple of episodes on my lazy Friday night in.
It is still showing its age a bit but isn't nearly as daggy as the first year.
In other news it was great to see the Building God's People show from Christians In The Media debut on the Christian Channel tonight. Still a shade rough around the edges but I am told that the production picks up markedly after a few episodes.
It didn't detract from the message and stands out among some of the more out there services that get a run on the channel.

Spider-Man 3

The dark side of Peter Parker is revealed in Spider-Man 3.
Beginning with a clever opening credits recap of the story so far, the film picks up with Peter (Tobey Maguire) and Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst)where we left off a few years back. Only unbeknownst to them a meteor has crashed nearby unleashing an alien being onto the planet and the back of Peter's scooter.
Elsewhere, Harry (an excellent James Franco) plots his revenge against Peter and we meet Flint Marko (Thomas Haden Church) who is transformed into the Sandman.
There's a lot going on in Spider-Man 3. The action really takes off when the alien being attaches itself to the spider suit, turning it black and unleashing the dark side of Peter Parker.
As his college professor points out, the black stuff enhances the personality of its host and there are some very funny scenes of Peter and his new found confidence, particularly with the ladies. What we also see is a need for revenge against Marko, who it turns out was the man who killed Ben Parker in the first movie (though we didn't see him).
We meet two new characters in Eddie Brock (a fantastic Topher Grace), a hotshot photographer who is Peter's competition for a staff job at the bugle and Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard) who is Mary Jane's competition for Peter's affections.
When the alien, known as Venom, attaches itself to someone seeking vengeance we really have an awesome bad guy.
Like I said, there's a lot going on here. It could have been half an hour longer no problems and hopefully there is a director's cut for DVD.
My problem in rating this is that it was better than Spider-Man 2 (which I gave 9/10) but it's not the best movie I've seen this year.
I still have to give it 9 out of 10. It was entertaining, extremely well made and tailor made for fans, like myself. If you like the first two this doesn't disappoint. Let's just see if they leave it at three. One thinks they might not - if they have to go to four, we need the primary cast and crew back or we don't need another.

Jupiter

Some aweome pics of the New Horizons mission to Pluto, due to arrive there in 2015 by the way, of the amazing planet Jupiter of which the photo of this page is one.

The solar system and the universe are fascinating and mysterious and somehow seem not real, that we can be so unique that life can only exist here and nowhere else.

I like the idea that there could be another planet out there like Earth but if it is 440,000 years away then it doesn't seem worth pursuing.

But that's just me.

Heroes quote

While watching one of the best shows on the box I noticed this quote from my favourite character, Peter Petrelli.
`The people I love aren't distractions.'
Awesome.

Lost

I'm not really sure where I am at the moment.
Things have been shaken up so much in the first few months of the year and it still surprises me that it's May 1 already.
On a general level I think I am doing pretty well, then just when I convince myself of that something goes awry. Whether it was getting the cold a few weeks ago or some kind of small reminder of the panic attack days, there seems to be one thing or another to unsettle me.
This has led, among other things, for me to do a lot of questioning about what's going on.
I am well and truly able to function, this is a good thing, but there are times when, well, I can't. These are the really tough times. The hardest thing is that I don't think I truly understand what is going on and why my body and my mind seem to be at war.
Above everything else I just want to be me again. Happily, some days I am and they are the great ones. But give me a bad day and it will take a few to recover.
It's all getting a shade hard to handle. If you haven't seen me for a while rest assured I am okay, just struggling with `this whole thing'. I know it seems like that's been going on for a while.
Like I said, I'm just not sure where I am at the moment.

Vaccination

I had my first flu vaccination ever today.
It's a new thing to me and something I'm going to have to get used to. So far no ill effects. I guess I have come to expect ill effects from medications at the moment so am prone to over-reacting (as subtly pointed out by my housemate today).
Hopefully this means winter will be a shade nicer.

The Number 23

I've said it before, I love it when comedians do serious and Jim Carrey does an amazing turn in The Number 23, the new drama/mystery from director Joel Schumacher.
Carrey plays Walter Sparrow, an everyday husband and father whose life revolves around his family and his work with the animal retrieval service. He's good at his job and he generally likes his life, though he gets bored from time to time.
On his birthday Walter's wife Agatha (Virginia Marsden), while waiting for him to meet her, sees a book called `The Number 23' in a used bookstore and after flipping through it decides Walter would enjoy reading it.
Walter doesn't so much enjoy reading the book rather he becomes obsessed with it and the number 23 which seems to dominate his life once he goes looking for it.
My bias towards Jim Carrey and serious roles (eg. The Truman Show, The Cable Guy, The Magestic, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind) aside this is a very impressive performance from him. There is little if no sign of the rubber faced comic of his more famous roles.
The Number 23 is a very watchable film and as it goes on it draws you in (or it did me) to a point where it had me guessing for a while. There are probably better mystery/thrillers out there but this is a good one, because if you're partial to conspiracies like everything being related to a number then it will interest you.
I'm going to give it an 8.5 out of 10. Carrey is excellent and it is his film, but he is ably supported by a solid cast and some of the camera work is very surreal, adding to the overall feel.
An interesting footnote. At the end of the film Numbers 32:23 is flashed on the screen. It reads: `But if you do not do this, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out.' Interesting.

Rascal Flatts

Most people who know me would know why I dislike country music, at least the old style.
But, I just picked up Me & My Gang, the latest CD by US country group Rascal Flatts and I've got to say, on the whole, I like it a lot.
I only heard of them last year when they covered the track Life Is A Highway for the soundtrack to the Pixar film Cars.
While as I write this I am still on the first listen I already want to listen again. There's something about country music that seems more genuine than popular music. Perhaps it is all the heartache they sing about.
It's funny, there's a song on this CD called Backwards. Essentially it is an anti-country song in that you don't lose everything, instead everything comes back. if that makes sense.
Perhaps I am going to have to change my views on country music. Or perhaps this CD is one of the exceptions to the rule.

ANZAC Day

`..at the going down of the sun and in the morning. We will remember them.'
Lest We Forget.

One Tree update

Two more episodes of my favourite show last night with the crew.
`Good News For People Who Like Bad News' and `Can't Stop This Thing We Started', episodes three and four from season 4 of One Tree.
The good thing is the show just keeps getting better.
Peyton's (Hilary Burton, pictured) `brother' Derek turns out to be a stalker (I've got to admit I didn't like him from the start of the third episode so I wasn't surprised he turned out to be obsessed with her). Rachel continues to make a play for Nathan while spreading rumours that Brooke is pregnant.
Lucas is missing basketball and Skills turns out to be a hit in his first game for the Ravens. There was a particularly funny bit when he was on the bench and another player saysd he's been sitting the bench for two years and hasn't got onto the court yet.
Deb is becoming interesting again as she flies headfirst off the rails and into addiction and Dan is unconvincing trying to play the good guy.
I'm sure I could go on for ages. Just awaiting news on a season 5, which is apparently going to be set some five years after high school. It's a new idea and it would be great to see what happens as opposed to a `College Years' season which didn't really work for 90210 or Dawsons Creek.

Good memories

I had a call tonight from my cousin David. It's been about 15 years since we saw each other last and that was at his first wedding and he couldn't recall seeing me there. (I suppose that's not a surprise, I imagine a wedding day as being a bit of a blur).
Last week I had called him because I was told of the death of his father, my uncle Steve, of a brain tumour after about six months since diagnosis. So naturally it wasn't in great circumstances. But it's strange how these things always bring long lost family members together.
David said he remembers me as a little kid. I found that somewhat funny, and said he would then be surprised that I am about six foot two or so. I don't remember him as a little kid though as we used to hang out a bit when our families came together. He's about seven years older than me so I guess that's not surprising.
It was awesome to talk to him though. I only have good memories of Steve and of when David and I used to hang out. Steve was a very enthusiastic, fun guy who was always interested in having a joke and good time with you, regardless of whether you were an adult or a child. His life circumstances changed through divorce but I haven't seen any of that other that seeing my aunt a number of times since it happened.
Regardless of that, as I said I only have good memories of Steve and it is sad that he died.
It turns out David comes to Sydney a few times a year so there's a good chance we'll catch up sometime this year. Won't that be weird. But it will be interesting.
As far as blasts from the pasts go, tonight's conversation with my cousin was amazing.

A win of sorts

Those in a position to decide what medication is subsidised by the government made a good move, finally by allowing Infliximab to be included on the PBS yesterday.
While there are conditions on who gets access to it, the subsidy will make the drug accessible to many who can't afford it.
Fortunately, at this point and touch wood, I am not someone who requires this drug and I hope I never will but it is good to know that things are heading in the right direction as far as availablility goes.
Like most decisions involving government on any level, the listing of Infliximab doesn't go far enough in that some people who may benefit won't meet the criteria for receiving it. But it's a start anyway.
This is why subsidy was needed, now it is up to the Government to guarantee funding for the coverage of this drug.

Shooter

The timing of the release of this film in Australia is unfortunate given what happened in the USA this week.
That said, the first thing to know about Shooter is that this is a very good film.
I say that because I went in expecting a bit of mindless action, I guess, even though it stars Mark Walhberg, who is really becoming a decent actor.
Wahlberg plays Bob Lee Swagger, a government trained marksman who was abandoned on a mission and left for dead. His partner is killed and he goes into exile. Three years later he is drawn back into the world when Colonel Isaac Johnson (Danny Glover) seeks him out to foil an attempted assassination on the president.
Or so he is led to believe. Swagger is double crossed by Johnson and framed for the assassination and he goes on the run.
Wahlberg is particularly good as the man determined to get justice and revenge on those who have used him and is unnervingly convincing. Yes there are probably some holes in the plot and such but, let's face it, it is an action film. However, it does have some intelligence and certainly had me hooked and interested.
It's also interesting to see Glover in the bad guy role, particularly in the light of his role in the Lethal Weapon films.
Shooter did surprise me but in hindsight these type of movies hang on how likeable the lead is and Wahlberg is very likeable, as is the support cast. So, while it's not Oscar material, Shooter is a tight, entertaining action film. An 8 out of 10.

Simpsons movie preview

I finally caught the full preview to the highly anticipated Simpsons movie today. If the expectations weren't high enough, the preview was a cracker.
I must admit to being a bit apprehensive about the film because the show has been on for 18 years so far and, on the whole, has been pretty damn good so they are on a hiding to nothing really.
Whether they can sustain it for 90 minutes remains to be seen but from the almost two minute preview, which was heaps better than the teaser trailer, I think the bar has been lifted even higher.
Doesn't come out until July but all I can say is bring it on!

Happenings

I took a lieu day from work and it's been a pretty good one.
My sister and nephew came over this morning for a while before driving back to the country. We went for a walk and Josh marvelled at all the spider webs around (which got me talking about Spider-Man 3 for a while) and we ended up at park where he went on the swing for a while.
After lunch I went and visited a friend for afternoon tea which was also quite pleasant and I've been for my almost daily walk, which is something I am enjoying at the moment.
I'm just about over the cold I picked up about 10 days ago. The odd sniffle here and there now seems to be all that remains. There is another minor (hopefully) issue at the moment that is annoying me and hopefully it will go away real soon.
When the cold was around it reminded me a lot of the times earlier this year when things weren't great and made me fear things going back to that period. Thankfully it hasn't reached that but I guess I'm still on alert.
The good thing about today being Tuesday is that tomorrow is Wednesday and Heroes will be on. I'm pretty well hooked on this show at the moment. It's so interesting and the characters are awesome, I'm very eager to see where it is heading.

Have Silverchair jumped the shark?

The new Silverchair album Young Modern has been met with much adulation and four-to-five star reviews from music critics.

This self-confessed critic has a different point of view on their first album in five years - it isn't very good. And that's a shame for me because I do own all their CDs, from 1995s Frogstomp.

The biggest disappointment for me is that, after a couple of listens, I can't find a song I like more than the single `Straight Lines', which has been number one on the Australian charts for four weeks so far.

It took me a while to warm to Straight Lines and I'd say I'm warm on it but that's about it. The song has a reasonable message in there among some pretty dodgy lyrics. The indulgent Those Thieving Birds/Strange Behaviour double has its moments but I'm really struggling to find highlights.

Musically the album has no guts, like the previous albums Diorama and Neon Ballroom, and Daniel Johns' singing is very strange.

I've tried really hard to like Young Modern, given it time to try and let it grow on me but it hasn't and I don't see where all the praise is coming from. It makes me think of that old TV analogy of when a show passes its best.

I'm beginning to think that Silverchair may have jumped the shark and there may be no going back. I hope I am wrong, really I do.

Resumption

Surprisingly my phone problems have been rectified quickly, within two days in fact, and I am back on line. Yay.

Break in transmission, again

Thanks to Telstra I'm going to be out of action from time to time (mainly when I'm not at work) as my phone line is down.
Hopefully this will only be a short outage of a couple of days.

Joey retires

It is a sad day in rugby league, the great man has retired.

Certainly the best player in the modern game, Andrew Johns is arguably the greatest player of all time and his retirement leaves a huge hole in the Newcastle Knights.

Admittedly, we all saw it coming a couple of seasons ago when he sustained yet another injury to the neck. I recall saying I hoped Newcastle were making plans for the day when he wouldn't be playing any more and I guess we'll find out this season if they have been.

I was fortunate enough to meet Joey a couple of times (both at the races) and I found him to be a pretty good guy and happy to chat to anyone.

Injury is not the way the greats should go out, this weekend was to be Joey's 250th game for the Knights, and it's a shame he can't have a proper, on field, farewell.

Setback

Just when things were going pretty well it appears I've been felled by a virus.
One of the good things about Sydney, though, is that even though it is Easter Sunday I was still able to see a doctor, albeit not my usual one.
After a check-up he concluded everything was fine functionally and that I had a low grade temperature. So he said don't go to work tomorrow and have plenty of fluids and rest. Hopefully within a day or two it will be out of the way.
It's only been about six weeks since I got over what happened before so this comes as a bit of a setback. Mainly because I hated feeling crummy then and this is just a reminder. More importantly, I don't want to go back to where I was a few months ago. It was a truly horrible time.

Another long season

Looks like it could be another tough year for the Knights.
Melbourne wins 22-12 against a Joey-less Newcastle team and there's uncertainty over the future of Johns.
Newcastle had their chance at 18-12 down to level the scores but the Storm were too strong. Now, where's my Melbourne flag?

Hard Candy

After shaking of a hit of post-film trauma I can write about a very disturbing film, one that I'm not recommending.
Hard Candy is a movie that I think crosses the line, for me anyway. Its subject matter is controversial enough as it is and I won't go into it here. If you want to know click the link for the IMDB page on the movie.
I've seen some pretty controversial movies over the years and this ranks right up there. However, with some of the others like Mysterious Skin, Head On etc I left disturbed but feeling like the experience was worth it. I felt I grew from having seen them.
All I feel is that the protagonist Haley (Ellen Page) got away with something (twice, at least, it seems) and comes away looking like a sweet little girl, the heroine of the film.
Maybe it was because Jeff (Patrick Wilson) had to endure believing he had his balls cut off and going through that scene with him, I have some sympathy even if it seems he wasn't such a nuce guy. I'd say to the guys out there, you don't need to see this (it is not graphic in any way, just suggestive).
With a cast of five (and three of them might have about 10 sentences between them) this is a small film but powerful and the performances of the two leads are outstanding. But that's as far as I want to take the praise.
Why did I see it? The film had decent reviews, despite the subject area, and I thought I was likely to take something from watching it. I only got trauma.
Should you see it? If it interests you I won't say it's not interesting as far as the performances and such goes but do you really want to put yourself through it?

The O.C. & me, part III

After what can only be descibed as a much needed break from watching The O.C., I finally finished off season 3 today.
It was good to have a break from it but it was pretty easy to get sucked back into the trials of Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer.
I'll cut right to the chase. The cliffhanger in which Ryan and Marissa are involved in a car accident was such a cliche I can't believe it.
Even though midway through season 1 I really didn't like Marissa I have to admit in season 3 she was much more interesting. In fact, I am finding Ryan much more annoying now.
Seth is still Seth, he's the best thing about the show and his relationship with Summer, and to a lesser extent his dad, is very interesting.
There's a great scene in the last episode where Sandy is telling Seth how proud he is of him then hugs him, saying `I love you'. Seth's reply is classic, `I can't say I love you to another guy, but I have much affection for you'.
Anyway, when season 4 is released on DVD I'm sure I will finish off the series. I didn't watch the finale when it was on here so I don't know what happened. I just hope it wasn't as cliched as the end of the third year.

CD's revisited: 1927's ...ish

I haven't done this for a while but, anyway, this CD would be one of the first albums I ever bought.
Released in late 1988, ...ish began for me a passion for music - not that I can play anything other than a CD player for myself - and happily for Australian music.
1927 kind of burst onto the scene in the late 80s with two big hits, `That's When I Think Of You' and `If I Could' from this debut album. And I pretty much got hooked. I still like to listen to this and the other two 1927 CDs, The Other Side and 1927.
...ish is quintessential Australian soft rock with easy to listen to songs and some tender ballads, particularly If I Could and a bittersweet war song `Compulsory Hero'.
I actually saw 1927 in concert a couple of times but they were well past when their popularity was at a peak and certainly not with the original line-up, which changed a couple of times.
This goes down as one of my all-time favourite CDs. They certainly don't make music like this anymore.

Weird week

I don't know about anyone else but this week seems a bit strange.
A few people I spoke to today had the same view. Must be the short week thing.
Today really didn't feel like Wednesday (apart from Heroes being on) and tomorrow is definitely going to feel like Friday at work.
The good news is, for the first time in a while, I get a long weekend - three days off in a row. Not sure exactly what I'm doing yet. The weather will decide a bit for Saturday and Derby Day at Randwick.

Sunday wedding

It has been a huge weekend.
For some reason my friends David and Marlene decided to get married at 9.30am today. It does sound somewhat like an April Fool's Day thing (and at one point I thought they told us the wrong time for a joke) but it was an awesome day.
The setting couldn't have been any more perfect. An outdoor seated (some standing) wedding overlooking Sydney Harbour from Gunners' Barracks at Mosman. The weather was a shade cool this morning but as the day progressed it was quite spectacular.
So despite hanging out in the beauty of nature with good friends, a few drinks, a meal and conversation I'm pretty stuffed. But a good kind of stuffed, there is a reason for it. I've got to say I'm a bit sick of the sight of my suit.
That takes me to yesterday and the Golden Slipper Day at Rosehill. My tipping was pretty ordinary (everyone has an off day now and then) but the day was excellent. Some great people, a few of whom I work with, to spend the day discussing the races and the other `distractions' of a glamourous day like Slipper Day.
Next Saturday is Derby Day over at Randwick. At this stage I plan to go, we'll just see how this week pans out. Like Slipper Day, Derby Day is usually an A-grade event and one of those events you (i.e. me) don't want to miss.

Golden Slipper

Tomorrow is one of the great days on the Australian racing calendar. It's Golden Slipper Day, the world's richest race for two-year-olds at Rosehill.
For the record I have tipped Murtajill, Sleek Chassis and Forensics.
The other feature is the BMW and I have tipped Desert War even though there is some doubt about him running a strong 2400m.
I'm looking forward to a good day out at the track, it will be a big one but it's one of those days you don't want to miss.

Two years.....

On this day in 2005 my life as I knew it changed forever.

Reign Over Me

We meet Charlie (Adam Sandler) as he glides through the streets of New York on a motorised scooter, seemingly without a care in the world.
Alan (Don Cheadle) has the perfect life. He's a successful dentist, has a wife and two daughters. Nothing, however, is how it seems.
Charlie and Alan were college room-mates but when they run into each other Charlie can't remember the guy he lived with for two years. He's always distracted and Alan makes it his job to discover why Charlie is not the man he remembers.
At the same time Alan is feeling smothered by his family, he feels he has lost his itentity and craves some air. He even hates the job that has given him security.
Charlie, as we learn, is living in heavy denial. He lost his family, and in some way his life, on 9/11.
I've already mentioned how much I like comedians who do drama. Sandler is amazing as the tortured Charlie. At times he's almost child-like in his approach to the world having tried so hard to suppress what he has been through.
In one particularly moving scene he says: `I don't like to remember'.
Reign Over Me is a story about grief, about loss, about friendship, and about healing. Both men are in need of healing, in different ways, and watching them use each other to claw their way back into life was profound.
This is truly a brilliant film. It's raw at times but also tender and you really feel for Charlie and what he is going through. Sandler is a revelation here. He pulls off the heavy scenes like a seasoned pro and Cheadle ably backs him up.
I had high expectations going in and Reign Over Me more than lived up to them. A very strong 9 out of 10.

Brothers & Sisters

Fast becoming one of my favourite TV shows, Brothers & Sisters

has become compulsory viewing on a Monday night.
I love a good drama and this one has all the elements of the type of show I can't resist. Kind of funny in parts but moreover it is believable drama. And very well cast.
Sally Field is always excellent and her matriarch Nora is a good role for her. Calista Flockhart, though still Ally McBeal is also very good as Kitty. The guys are all well cast and I quite like Matthew Rhys' character of Kevin.
So far this show has kept me hooked and I can't wait to get to the next one. I hope they keep up the quality because it's close to faultless at the moment.

Getting to know me: 2007 edition

My friend Tim sent me this on email, instead of emailing it out to heaps of people I post it here for those interested. You know the deal, I have omitted irrelevant questions.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6.30am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hot Fuzz
4.What is your favourite TV show? One Tree Hill (current); Friends (all-time)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Usually two pieces of toast and either juice or water.
6. Favourite cuisine? Can't go past a good roast.
7. What is your middle name? Denis.
8. What food do you dislike? Really hot curries.
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? How To Save A Life by The Fray
10. What kind of car do you drive? Nissan Pulsar
11. Favourite sandwich? Lettuce, tomato, beetroot, mushroom and cheese.
12. What characteristic do you despise? Inconsistency.
13. Favourite item of clothing? My jeans.
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? California, already done it.
15. What colour is your bathroom? A caveman-like brownish tile.
16. Favourite brand of clothing? Don't have one.
17. Where would you retire to? Anywhere but Sydney.
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 30th, the surprise party.
19. Favourite sport to watch? Come on, horse racing.
20. Furthest place you are sending this? Cyberspace.
23. Favourite saying? `How you doin'?' (not that I use it though)
24. When is your birthday? March 22
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning, just.
26. What is your shoe size? 11
27. Pets? No
29. What did you want to be when you were little? Bigger, now I want to be smaller.
31. What is your favourite candy? I don't eat candy but it used to be Turkish Delight.
32. What is your favourite flower? Has to be a rose.
33. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? May 3, when Spiderman 3 is released.
34. What are you listening to now? What Goes Around..Comes Around by Justin Timberlake.
35. What was the last thing you ate? Some cruskits with vegemite.
36. Do you wish on stars? No
37. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Green or blue.
38. How is the weather right now? Overcast and a little cool.
39. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? A lady called Maryanne from Adelaide.
40. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah he's a good guy.
41. Favourite drink? Cranberry juice.
42. Favourite restaurant? Don't really have one.
43. Hair colour? Brown
44. Siblings? One sister.
45. Favourite day of the year? Can't pick just one.
46. What was your favourite toy as a child? My He-Man collection.
47. Summer or winter? Summer out of those two.
48. Hugs or kisses? I like hugs but kisses are good too.
49. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.
51. When was the last time you cried? When I watched It's A Wonderful Life.
52. What is under your bed? Boxes.
53. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Steve, who I've known for about 16 years.
54. What did you do last night? Went to church
55. Favourite smell? After rain.
56. What are you afraid of? God
57. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? Don't eat popcorn.
58. How many keys on your key ring? Eight.
59. How many years at your current job? Six and a bit.
60. Favourite day of the week? Saturday
61. How many towns have you lived in? Four - Tamworth, Narromine, Dubbo, Sydney.

What's the rush?

It seems we are always in a hurry. Whether it's to get to work, to get something done or for something to happen. I know this because I am one of these people.
What I learned tonight was nothing new but it comes as a timely reminder having just recently thrown myself back into work at the same speed I was travelling before I came to a screeching halt late last year. Have I learned anything?
Tonight I visited a church* not too far from home. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, nor was I `church shopping', just a different take on church to what I am used to.
And it was different. Vibrant, emotive, somewhat unstructured, accessible and very much street level church.
The music was uplifting, a little Hillsong-esque but that's not a bad thing in my books as I really get into that style. I like to be moved by music and I was.
If I have a criticism it is that the sermon was a bit patchy. However, what it lacked in style it made up for in message. God brings you to certain places, puts you in certain situations for a reason, and I'm sure I went to this church tonight for a purpose.
A large part of the talk was devoted to prayer and the need to commit to praying daily. If you start small that's fine but build up gradually. You don't go from five minutes a day to an hour in one hit.
The secondary message, and the one that spoke to me, was that we need to slow down. Why do we rush everywhere. God is in control so let him be, don't be in a hurry to have something done yesterday. This is where I have erred.
Tonight was a good night. I enjoyed the new experience and the opportunity to share church with some friends I either haven't done this with in a while or before. Importantly, I left the church smiling.
(* This post should not be taken as a slight against my current church, I am merely recording my experience.)

Since when is prayer an intrusion?

I mentioned a few days ago about a guy who I had not been in contact with for a couple of years.
Well i decided to check in and see how he had been in the past week, to let him know I had been praying for him in his situation.
Basically I wanted him to know that he needn't be alone in the problem he was having, even if I guess I was in part a contributor to his issue.
Anyway, the reply I got took me by surprise.
It was: `I never asked you to pray for me. You are intruding my boundaries by doing that. Please don't pray for me again'.
So my question is, since when is prayer an intrusion? Was it wrong for me to pray for him? I didn't think so. Anyway he's decided to cut off all communication again, seemingly. I guess I'll get another text message out of the blue in a couple more years time.
I just hope he wants to help himself, because from where I stand he doesn't want others (me particularly) to help.

OTH season 4 kickoff

Well with the planned movie being canned for the night, Plan B turned out to be quite nice with the One Tree crew gathering for the first two episodes of season 4.

`The Same Deep Water As You' and `Things I Forgot At Birth' kicked off the fourth season of the best drama on the box (or in our case on DVD).

Cooper and Rachel have plunged into the river in the limo and Nathan has dived in to save them but becomes trapped in the car, so it seems.

Lucas and Haley (pictured) are powerless to help.

It was a powerful start to the new season with lives hanging in the balance, the possibility of up to four characters being pregnant (one is confirmed) and Dan faced with someone knowing he killed his brother.

It was great to get into some fresh episodes of One Tree Hill, despite the fact I wasn't feeling awesome, I couldn't think of a better way to spend my birthday. It really was a great night, hopefully I can reschedule the movie with everyone else because I am really keen to see Reign Over Me.

Anyway, season 4 has certainly picked up where the third left off. If it continues to get better we are in for an awesome 21 episodes.

Brant's life story...so far

Congratulations to Brant on reaching 30. I've been reading his blog for a while and he seems like a top class man, it's just a shame he's on the other side of the world.
Otherwise I'm sure we'd be friends.
Hope it was a good one mate.
Here is Brant's story so far.

32

Today's the day, but I wish I had better news to report.
Had a bit of a setback and am not feeling brilliant. Not too bad, and certainly not anywhere near a few months ago, but the timing is disappointing.
I actually made it to work but went home after about an hour. The doctor is saying a cold or a virus is most likely and to rest, fluids, panadol etc.
The shame is I had a bit planned for tonight but I have had to can those plans.
My thinking is that I have pushed too much too soon and have not paid enough attention to caring for myself. I have tomorrow off and the weekend so hopefully I can bounce back.
Last night the bible study group played putt putt golf. Good fun. It was going to be bowling but there were no lanes available.
Hopefully day two of being 32 is better...

Hot Fuzz

From the team who made Shaun Of The Dead (which I haven't yet seen) is an action film spoof Hot Fuzz.
Promoted to Sergeant and transferred to the sleep town of Sanford for being too good a police officer, Nicholas Angel is baffled at the attitude of the townsfolk toward law and order.
He's partnered up with Danny Futterman, the son of the local inspector and, somewhat of a dimwit offsider. He's obsessed with action movies and longs for some `real' police work. It's doubtful, however, that he could handle it.
When a series of townsfolk die in mysterious circumstances, Angel makes it his mission to track down who did it even though the rest of the police just write the deaths off as accidents.
It seems a lot of accidents happen in Sanford.
This film is a spoof and it's worth keeping that in mind. I won't give away any more but to say it has a surprising last third or so.
As entertainment it rates fairly well and because of that I'm giving it a 7.5 out of 10.

How to save a life...

It's time I reflected on what has happened in the last few months. It has been quite a ride.
Towards the end of November I started to feel unwell and quite tired. As it turned out I was very run down and literally couldn't go on another day.
I took three weeks off work and when I returned I wasn't any better, in fact if anything I was worse. The meltdown, as I refer to it, caused a relapse of my illness.
For a couple of weeks I struggled a lot to go work and do anything else, I was lost my appetite and consequently lost weight. By Christmas Eve I ended up in hospital, fortunately only for the day. Christmas, as you can imagine wasn't overly fun - I didn't leave the house, didn't eat much and wasn't enjoying it.
I had another two weeks off work. By the time I went back I still wasn't feeling that great but battled on for three weeks before taking more time off. This time it was five weeks in total. Just before that I was suffering panic attacks and massive anxiety, brought on by both the meltdown and the relapse.
Life wasn't overly fun. In some way I was losing a bit of hope, and wasn't handling the pressure than my body was under. And that was just the body, the mind is another matter.
By this time the body had well and truly begun to heal. I wasn't losing weight and I could eat again so that battle was becoming easier. It took a massive toll though, I lost interest in my work and, to this time have only seen three films at the cinema for the year.
I needed to learn how to relax. I was far too wound up and I felt like I had dug myself into a hole I couldn't get out of. I wanted to quit my job and it didn't bother me that I would have nothing to move on to. (I didn't quit my job though, I was advised not to make any drastic changes while in such a predicament and it was good advice.)
Then there was the medication, which I won't go into in detail. Some things were tried and they didn't work. But eventually I started to feel better. After about three weeks off work I began to have energy again, I was interested in things again and I felt like myself, but perhaps a bit better.
I've now been back at work for two weeks and I generally feel pretty good. I've even been getting to work at my regular start time of 7.30am and that is something I thought impossible a few months ago.
It's great to be in this position now and the timing is good, being so close to birthday number 32. I have learned a lot in the last few months and hopefully some of you who know me have noticed, but I still have a way to go.
What I do have to acknowledge is the help of one person particularly, who I don't need to name, who never let me lose hope, who showed amazing patience and who always stuck by me. I am very fortunate.
There were times I thought `is this what it feels like to be dying?'. It is unfortunately possible that all this could happen again but it is now up to me, with the help of those around me hopefully, to ensure that I am better prepared for it, to not be freaked out and to manage difficult times.
In some ways I feel like my life has been saved, that I have been given another chance.
I'd be silly to pass up that opportunity.

Knights win!

When Andrew Johns is taken from the field on a stretcher after just four minutes in the first game of the season it's enough to make you look for another team to support for the year.
But as I was reaching for my Melbourne Storm flag I discover Newcastle has made a miraculous comeback from 24-8 down at half time to win 25-24, without Joey.
So there's still some hope but gee we still need Johns back on the field.
Hope it isn't too serious or the game's best player might have just played his last. Late note: it seems Joey may only miss next week's game so that it is a huge relief!

What goes around...

For some reason, one that I can't at this point work out, I really like the new Justin Timberlake song `What Goes Around...Comes Around'.
I thoroughly hated his last two singles and despite loving Rock Your Body from a couple of years ago it still surprises me that I like this one.
It does feature Scarlett Johansson in the film clip, which goes some eight minutes or so.
Still, the song is remarkably catchy.
Perhaps that's why I like it.

The O.C. & me part II

I ripped through the second season of The O.C., disturbingly fast, a short while back and my view of it hasn't changed much from the first year.
It didn't get better but it was about the same and addictive enough to keep someone with nothing better to do hooked.
The best thing about season 2 was again Seth (Adam Brody) and his strange relationship with Summer (Rachel Bilson). At the end of the first season he took off on a boat when Ryan (Ben McKenzie) returned home, figuring that he'd go back to being a nobody.
His wisecracking, insecure, sarcastic nature is what makes the show watchable and it would be very dull without him. The Spiderman rip-off (which is in the picture) was pretty great and it was clever how they set it up.
The odd thing about season 2 was the lesbian relationship Marissa got into. I don't know where they were coming from, perhaps it was supposed to show another side to her rebellion.
I have watched quite a bit of season 3 and will review it when finished.

Forgiven not forgotten

Yesterday I received a surprise text message from a guy I hadn't heard from in over two years.
Let's just say there was some unpleasantness, I didn't exactly handle a situation well and we had a falling out. That's putting it lightly.
I won't go into what happened but basically he didn't want to have anything to do with me. In a way I kind of understand. I was disappointed, both in myself for behaving badly and in him for not wanting to address the problem.
Anyway his correspondance on Friday came quite unexpected but welcome. He'd been wrestling with the issue for a while, much more than I had I admit though I have had distractions in the last couple of years, and decided God told him he needed to forgive me.
It's an amazing feeling when someone says (even if it is in a text message) that they forgive you. However it wasn't so amazing to read that he had `hatred in his heart' toward me. I really didn't think I could have that effect on anyone, nor have I tried to.
I was pleased that he had forgiven me and, perhaps hastily, suggested we should resume hanging out. He's not yet ready for that.
The shame is that we did get on pretty well and had several similar interests so I was/am keen to go back there.
I'm working on it but I have the feeling that it will be a slow process.

30 Seconds To Mars

I kind of stumbled upon this band a while back courtesy of the song The Kill (Bury Me) - I didn't know why I liked it but I liked it.
The band is 30 Seconds To Mars and is actually led by actor Jared Leto, who has been in some films I have seen but to be honest wasn't that great an actor. Or at least hadn't found `the part' yet.
However, his band is a different story. Having listened to the album `A Beautiful Lie' a couple of times on the train I've got to say it's really, really, good.
Not really my cup of tea normally as it is a bit on the heavy side at times but it's interesting and the music has drawn me into it. I was a little skeptical when I first listened but that faded fairly fast. After a couple of listens, the best songs are The Kill, From Yesterday, A Beautiful Lie and Was It A Dream? but overall it's a decent listen.
Not for everyone but it certainly surprised me.

Back online

I picked up my computer this afternoon and all works as it should.
It's been a long two weeks.
Welcome back....

I miss my computer

It's amazing how you get so used to convenience.
For over a week now I have been without my computer at home and man I miss it.
Just last weekend we had a blackout for about 40 minutes and had to sit in the dark, no TV, didn't even have a candle, until the power came back on.
I never use my computer for much other than blogging, a bit of net surfing and email, and the occasional piece of writing either for work or myself. But it's presence has certainly been taken for granted. I also miss the large number of songs on my iTunes, some of which I had downloaded as I didn't own the CD.
(eg. songs like Evermore's Running, Fall Out Boy's This Ain't A Scene..., etc)
Hopefully it will be repaired next week some time...

OTH season 3 wrap

Some television shows just keep getting better.
Last night the One Tree Hill crew finished off season 3 and we have been left wondering how can it possibly lift the bar again in season 4 after a year that can only be described as groundbreaking.
Featuring and highlighted by the episode With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept which saw a student bring a gun to school eventually causing two lives to be lost was both brave and moving as already mentioned a while ago.
The cliffhanger from season 3 sees a newly remarried Haley screaming for help as her husband Nathan dives into a creek to save his uncle Cooper and, probably unknowingly, bad girl Rachel after their car plunges into the water.
We see Nathan gasping for air inside the submerged car. Who survives and what will be the aftermath? And exactly who is pregnant?
It's been a cracking season. Bring on season 4!

Rocky Balboa

The sixth film in the Rocky series picks up many years after Rocky 5 and, it must be said, thank goodness for that.
Why would Sylvester Stallone revive a series that suffered a long and painful death in the 90s after winning an Oscar for Best Picture for the original 30 years ago?
I'd say the answer, apart from perhaps a lack of suitable roles for him, is because he realised how much the fifth film sucked and he wanted Rocky to have a fitting ending. On that score I'm glad he did revisit it.
The film picks up at least a decade after the last and Rocky is living a semi-meaningless existence following the death of his wife Adrian. He owns a restaurant and is somewhat of a celebrity in the neighbourhood, much to the dislike of his son.
After a computer simulation predicts Rocky would have beaten the present day champion in a fight the champ's manager coaxes Rocky out of retirement for an exhibition dream match, realising that their fighter is hugely unpopular despite being undefeated.
The film is a little slow to begin, there is a lot of context and filling in the holes from the long period of time between films. The best part of this film, for me, was the relationship between Rocky and his son. There was a great monologue by Rocky where he tells his son that he needn't live in his father's shadow and has the ability to forge his own life.
The ending, while I won't give it away, was very fitting. And you've got to love the Rocky theme. Not the greatest film of all time but if you're a fan of the early films this is a must-see.
A 7.5 out of 10.

Break in transmission

I've been out of action, computer wise, for a few days as my machine needed a repair.
So, as a result, my posting has been non-existant for a while and will be sporadic for the next week or so I'd say. Though, since I go back to work next week perhaps it won't be as irregular.
The thing about technology is that we take it for granted and you don't realise how convenient it is until something goes wrong.