The 2020 Raymo Awards

At the start of the year I definitely wouldn’t have thought I’d see only 21 films at the cinema by the end of it. Because of circumstances we’re all aware of, though, I saw a number of films I definitely wouldn’t have seen in a ‘normal’ year.

So the first movie was The Gentlemen and the final was Wonder Woman 1984.

Interestingly, despite a line up of films that was a lot different than what I expected to see I only scored four of the 21 under 7/10 but there were only seven that were 8/10 or better. Damn you, virus.

Without further ado, here's my top 5 of 2020, a Marvel free list too!

1. The Dry (9/10)

Saving the best to almost last, this Australian crime drama based on the novel of the same name is outstanding. Eric Bana is AFP agent Aaron Falk and he returns to his home town of Kiewarra for the funeral of a childhood friend who may or may not have murdered his family. He’s drawn into investigating what happened as well as having to deal with the demons of a 20 year old mystery death he’s accused of perpetrating. It’s a simmering drama, well acted and set to the backdrop of a devastating drought. A must see.

2. Just Mercy (9/10)

Based on the true story of civil rights campaigner Bryan Stevenson (Michael B Jordon), as he tries to free a wrongly convicted man of a murder charge and death penalty. After a slow start it’s all quality and there are parallels to the classic To Kill A Mockingbird. Jamie Foxx is excellent as the accused man and Brie Larson is also in the cast. I think anyone who saw this would agree it’s a great story.

3. 1917 (9/10)

The story of two young soldiers in WWI tasked with delivering a message that would prevent their regiment from walking into a trap, and in turn save one of the young men’s older brother. It holds tension brilliantly through being shot in a style that makes it appear the movie has been filmed in one continuous shot. I described it back in January as amazing and while I haven’t got to seeing it again I’ll stand by that review.

4. The Way Back (8.5/10)

Now this is one I probably would have missed had things been different this year but I’m so glad I saw it. Ben Affleck is a former basketball prodigy who is, to be kind, a mess but takes on the job of coaching his old school’s team. The reason why he’s a mess came as quite a surprise and was very well masked until midway through the film. On a basic level it’s a standard redemption story but it’s much better than that and is a superb film. (On Netflix now if you want to check it out).

5. A Beautiful Day In The Neighbourhood (8/10)

Tom Hanks plays legendary American children’s show host Fred Rogers and focuses on his friendship with a reporter Lloyd Vogel (Matthew Rhys). Vogel is a fictionalized version of the journalist whose article on Mr Rogers the film is based on. The reporter approaches the story with the idea that Rogers can’t be as nice as he seems as he’s trying to deal with his resentment towards his father. While Hanks is the star it’s Matthew Rhys’ film and it’s just a good solid easy to watch film.

Honourable mentions: The other two films to top the 8/10 mark were The Gentlemen (a very cool gangster film from Guy Ritchie) and Tenet which was the film that was supposed to reboot cinema during the pandemic. Tenet was a good film to watch on the big screen but is quite complicated, probably too complicated for its own good.

Worth a watch: I really enjoyed Rams, Hope Gap, Unhinged and The Personal History Of David Copperfield (just about all of which I may not have seen normally).

Surprise of the year: Sonic The Hedgehog (7/10) – I really didn’t think a film based on the Sonic game could be any good at all, even with Jim Carrey is the cast as the villain Dr Robotnik. But, in a big way thanks to amazing vocal chemistry between James Marsden and the guy who voices Sonic it really works. Carrey is at his brilliant zany best, almost channelling some of his classic characters. A heap of fun, and I admit to having watched it four or five times since.

Flop of the year: Bill & Ted Face The Music (6.5/10). A bit harsh to call it a flop, it wasn’t bad but they just shouldn’t have waited 30 years to complete the saga. It’s more like Bill & Ted’s Daughters Excellent Adventure and that’s part of the let down.

The film I wanted to like more: Wonder Woman 1984 (7.5/10). Wonder Woman was one of the best films of 2017 so there was plenty expected of the sequel. While I suspect when I see it again I will like it more, it was a bit long and I find superhero films that have two villains feel a bit overstuffed. The 80s setting is cool and there’s a great cameo in the credits. I hope they redeem themselves with Wonder Woman 3 (and I wonder if she’ll ever be called that on screen!).

What does 2021 hold? Well, after what 2020 was supposed to hold who knows. Basically everything that was due to be released this year was held over so hopefully we finally get to see Black Widow, Ghostbusters Afterlife, A Quiet Place 2, Fast & Furious 9 and the rest of the Marvel slate that’s overdue.

Inside A Mid-Life Crisis

In the movies when someone, usually a guy, is having what they call a 'mid-life crisis' they are usually seen cruising around in a fancy car or have had some kind of eye-opening makeover.

That may be true of some people. It may be the text book example. I doubt it's the norm.

I've been trying to work out what's been going on with myself for a while and I've concluded that it is in fact a mid-life crisis. At 45 it seems to fit. I have a huge sense of uncertainty, not helped at all by a global pandemic, and a simmering sense of fear.

It's the latter that is fuelling a lot of aspects of life, making it harder to get up and going in the morning and less willing to explore the world in all its forms. On the other side I have the sense of time running out, or probably more accurately of the limited amount of time that is available to us.

Kind of a paradox. I should be making the most of the time available particularly when I am in the shape, physically and financially to a degree, to be able to. But the fear is like a harness.

I suffer from a extreme lack of focus on anything that's not internal or related to my internal wellbeing. I don't seem to be able to connect with others as I default to living inside the prison that my fears have created in my head. I want to break free (apologies to Queen) but I want it to happen immediately and am unable to take the small steps required to emerge, have a sense that it's a permanent change, therefore a sustainable one. A quick fix won't, and never does, work.

This has to be what a mid-life crisis is. A realisation that you're not immortal, and wondering how important whatever it is you're doing. Whether there's some greater purpose or it's all just stuff you do and experience and it doesn't really matter.

Small steps are actually quite hard but they are the rewarding ones. Recently I committed to curbing a bad gambling habit, and it's so far so good. I pledged to not gamble on the machines, something that has been an issue from time to time, and at the end of each month donate $100 to charity. If for whatever reason I slip up, no matter how insignificant, I sign up to a self-exclusion program.

It's a good incentive and by donating money each month it's putting money to worthy causes.

I have a sense of determination about that which is handy, I just need more determination about myself in other areas. In no small part, mental health.

This pandemic is soul crushing but it isn't wholly responsible for my situation. It's a contributing factor at the moment but hopefully the pandemic will end. In Australia the problem isn't anywhere near as huge as it is in other parts of the world but we've seen in one state that it can shut life as we know it down. I've been wanting to come out of the pandemic in a better shape, it's not looking great at the moment but it's a war not just one battle.

I've said before I feel like I have no friends and that still stands, but I don't know how true that is. I'm sure I do but there's no sense of closeness and that's just as scary as the mid-life crisis itself.

Hole Digging During A Pandemic

There are smarter things I've done than attempt to come off an anti-depressant in the middle of a pandemic. Turns out I probably need it.
Everyone has been thrown a curve ball, regardless of whether or not your work has been affected, and it's difficult to adjust. I struggled in the early weeks leading into the shutdown of society as we know it with a sense of unease overwhelming my subconscious, eventually it seeped out and became a simmering level of anxiety. That was uncomfortable.
Now it's been about two months and people are starting to emerge again as restrictions are ever so slowly lifted. But, typical of all of us, you give an inch and most will take that mile.
I guess it's less an ignorance about the virus still being about and more a desire to get back to some kind of normal. Whatever that looks like.
There's nothing like a forced disconnection from the world to make someone who already feels like there's a wall around them to be even more isolated. Sure, I go to work which is handy and gives a sense of normal.
But I don't have any friends.
That's the hardest realisation to come to.
I suppose I can't blame anyone, I spend far too much time in my own world of idealism to be able to come out and interact. Regardless of whether I'm in the company of others or not.
At last look I have something like 830 'friends' on Facebook. Around 1400 people care enough to follow me on Twitter. It feels like zero.
Before any alarm bells start to ring I have to say while it is hard it's not a hole I can't get out of.
But how?
What does it mean when you make a point of trying to organise a catch up with people you think are your mates but it never happens? Are they too caught up in their world to venture into someone else's too? Or are you really not friends? You can't help but take it personally.
It's also hard to feel close to others when the powers that be keep telling you to stay away from people. No wonder when the opportunity for a meaningless encounter presents itself it seems even more appealing.
It's also easy to blame the pandemic but what will things look like when there's some semblance of normal? I have been determined to emerge better from this crisis.
How that looks I don't have a picture, especially from the hole I'm in at the moment.

Sing To Me Instead

It's a great sign when you buy a CD (yes I still do that) and you don't ever feel the need to skip a track.
I came across one of those recently. It's been quite a while since I bought an album by an artist I wasn't already invested in (largely because most of the music I've come across in recent years is pretty inane lyrically).
But Sing To Me Instead by Ben Platt is a rare exception. And it's bloody good.
I watched the Netflix series The Politician, which Ben Platt stars in, and then realised I had seen him before in Pitch Perfect.
Then a couple of clips of him performing original songs started appearing in my YouTube feed and, while that's normally a cause to be disturbed, it's led me to an album I can't put down.
I actually had to order the physical copy - I know I could have downloaded it but there's something about having an album with the lyrics printed there for you and it feels more like a piece of work than something purely digital.
What strikes me about these songs are they have so much depth, they feel personal and from what I'm led to believe they largely are very personal. That makes them exceptional.
It seems each song tells a different story. They might be special stories to him, as he co-wrote every song, but a lot of them resonate way beyond just being about one person and situation.
The opening song Bad Habit is my favourite track, and it's funny how a song comes along and can fit a situation you're in or you've been in.
Though probably the most powerful lyrics come from the song Older - and I think everyone should be able to relate to them:
"When you are younger, you'll wish you're older.
Then when you're older, you wish for time to turn around.
Don't let your wonder turn into closure
When you get older, when you get older."
Then there's this gem I think we should take note of:
"If I wait until tomorrow comes, is the waiting all I've ever done?"
There's a great mix of almost broadway style exuberance in songs like New and Share Your Address, then there are tender moments like Honest Man, Hurt Me Once and In Case You Don't Live Forever will floor most people with a soul.
Interestingly, before I discovered he'd recorded an album (released nine months ago) I came across a song called Rain which is slightly more pop-style but has that broadway element (and the film clip is ridiculous but amusing).
I wonder what he'll produce next.
If you haven't had a listen to any of his songs before, do yourself a favour. Sensational voice, songs with depth, highly recommended.