Some people call it a rough patch, others call it wilderness. However you relate to a difficult period in your life, I've got to say that sometimes I think it is something you have to go through and other times I hope you never have to face.
I have found that a lot of things change, not just within yourself, when you are faced with such times. People react differently, and I know a bit about this.
When a major upheaval happens, and it can be anything it doesn't have to relate to illness or trauma, you change as a person. But the thing is other people don't change and some can't see that you are different, or at least altered.
In my life some people have been revelations. People I didn't really expect anything from have stepped up. Conversly people I did expect something from have disappared. That's a fact of life I suppose but it is never pleasant when you find out who your friends really are.
I don't hold anything against them. We are all faced with a choices when it comes to the people who are important in our lives and I'd much rather know where I stand than wonder.
So where am I at the moment? You know, sometimes I feel really good about things. I enjoy my work and while it still consumes more of my personal time that it should I am more wary of that than before.
Everyone has off days, and I have certainly had some. For me the off days are still hard to take because they remind me of the bad times just past.
At the same time it's not healthy to be always looking over my shoulder. I'm aware of the need to move forward but it isn't as easy at it sounds.
A few months back I thought the world was just going to swallow me up and in the really tough times I kind of wanted it to. Not good I know but that's how it felt.
I don't feel that way now, just so you know.
But during the last couple of months I have changed a few things, some temporarily, in an effort to rejuvenate myself.
I've attended a different church a bit. Looking for, I guess, the joy that is missing. While I won't find it in any building I have found a glimpse of the connection I guess I am seeking. Sometimes I still wonder why all this happened. I wonder whether things just happen at random. This of course clashes with my belief and faith in Jesus but it is something I concede I think about.
I've put a priority on relaxation, stress-reduction and enjoying things. Simple things I know but they are things that we don't prioritise in our lives until they are necessary.
This has been a long road back and one that is having its ups and downs. I sincerely hope it doesn't take too much longer. On one hand it has cost me six months or thereabouts, on the other it has the potential for creating a longer period of good health, not only physical but mental and emotional.
So that's where I stand. A little muddled, I realise, but really who has everything all worked out?
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