How to save a life...

It's time I reflected on what has happened in the last few months. It has been quite a ride.
Towards the end of November I started to feel unwell and quite tired. As it turned out I was very run down and literally couldn't go on another day.
I took three weeks off work and when I returned I wasn't any better, in fact if anything I was worse. The meltdown, as I refer to it, caused a relapse of my illness.
For a couple of weeks I struggled a lot to go work and do anything else, I was lost my appetite and consequently lost weight. By Christmas Eve I ended up in hospital, fortunately only for the day. Christmas, as you can imagine wasn't overly fun - I didn't leave the house, didn't eat much and wasn't enjoying it.
I had another two weeks off work. By the time I went back I still wasn't feeling that great but battled on for three weeks before taking more time off. This time it was five weeks in total. Just before that I was suffering panic attacks and massive anxiety, brought on by both the meltdown and the relapse.
Life wasn't overly fun. In some way I was losing a bit of hope, and wasn't handling the pressure than my body was under. And that was just the body, the mind is another matter.
By this time the body had well and truly begun to heal. I wasn't losing weight and I could eat again so that battle was becoming easier. It took a massive toll though, I lost interest in my work and, to this time have only seen three films at the cinema for the year.
I needed to learn how to relax. I was far too wound up and I felt like I had dug myself into a hole I couldn't get out of. I wanted to quit my job and it didn't bother me that I would have nothing to move on to. (I didn't quit my job though, I was advised not to make any drastic changes while in such a predicament and it was good advice.)
Then there was the medication, which I won't go into in detail. Some things were tried and they didn't work. But eventually I started to feel better. After about three weeks off work I began to have energy again, I was interested in things again and I felt like myself, but perhaps a bit better.
I've now been back at work for two weeks and I generally feel pretty good. I've even been getting to work at my regular start time of 7.30am and that is something I thought impossible a few months ago.
It's great to be in this position now and the timing is good, being so close to birthday number 32. I have learned a lot in the last few months and hopefully some of you who know me have noticed, but I still have a way to go.
What I do have to acknowledge is the help of one person particularly, who I don't need to name, who never let me lose hope, who showed amazing patience and who always stuck by me. I am very fortunate.
There were times I thought `is this what it feels like to be dying?'. It is unfortunately possible that all this could happen again but it is now up to me, with the help of those around me hopefully, to ensure that I am better prepared for it, to not be freaked out and to manage difficult times.
In some ways I feel like my life has been saved, that I have been given another chance.
I'd be silly to pass up that opportunity.