My side of the story

It occurred to me today that I have yet to publish my testimony or, as I will call it, my side of the story.

The road to now has been very winding. I think everybody will say that. They call it life and it tends to happen to you, whether you like it or not.
When I was a teenager I was a aware of God, having had a mainly Catholic background, but didn't know who he really was, or is. It wasn't until I was 17 that I was exposed to any kind of notion that there was something more than what I knew at the time. I spent the next two years involved in a youth group at my local Anglican church. Was I a Christian then? I'd like to say yes but I can't.
When I finished high school, after a year of doing not much at all, I went to university and quickly became involved with the Christian group there (despite a presentation from them in the first week that involved a dead rat that was quite disconcerting). I met a lot of great people, some of whom I am still in contact with now. I was also exposed to several other things that open your eyes at university and as a result have a few regrets.
I was involved in bible study and had some great people around me but I still didn't get it. I still wanted control. I probably called myself a Christian at that point but I wasn't quite there yet.
Once university finished I went to a small town for my first job. A town with around a tenth of the population of where I grew up and in such places everyone knows everyone else and what they are up to. You can't get away with anything there. Again I met some good people, and one such lady, the local postie, made quite an impact. She was in her 50s or 60s and was one of those classic country town characters who called a spade a spade. I hung out with people who I guess I wouldn't have normally, not that they were bad people, and didn't go to church.
Then after a year I moved to a nearby town, more like the place I grew up, and while I was only there three months so much happened when I left I think my head was spinning.
I lived with two people that, although they were nice enough were not really my type. I just needed somewhere to live with not much time to be picky.
I did meet a couple of interesting people and spent a lot of time out at the pub or local niteclubs. I remain a shade haunted by what happened there and there are definitely regrets. Again I didn't go to church.
When I moved to Sydney a short time later I moved in with a university friend and things went well for a while. Again, several things happened that I would later regret and I ended up moving out and really feeling like something big was missing.
It was then that I feel God was calling me. He was probably always calling, I guess I just wasn't listening. I felt a strong need to go back to church and start to sort things out.
Clearly that was the best thing I ever did.
I made a conscious decision to give over control of my life and, while I sometimes fight for it a bit, finally feel like I'm moving in the right direction.
But I'm moving slowly. That was 1999 and as you'll be aware it is now the second half of 2006. What are you doing? I bet that's what you're thinking.
I very much need positive influences in my life and I'm happy to say that I have some. I'm guilty of tearing myself down so it makes sense that there be people to build me up. It doesn't seem like a fair exchange, I know. I am fortunate to have several Godly people around me although I don't always acknowledge it.
Most of the time I feel a bit lost, but perhaps that's the old self trying to regain control.
God carried me a lot in 2005, especially when I didn't think I'd get through it with any semblance of a life remaining. I know that sounds horribly negative but honestly that is how it felt. He has given me amazing strength.
It is true that I came to trust, properly, in God through a kind of desperate need. I don't think it matters how you get there, though.
Baggage does remain. I'm not sure how to offload it but I'm working on it, and working hard.
So there you have it, a bit cryptic in parts I know, but I think we're all a work in progress.