Saturday, July 29, 2006

Attack of the mind

A couple of nights ago I had a bit of an anxiety attack.
It caught me by surprise as it had been a while since the last one.
The strange thing about anxiety is, to me, it's not rational or it doesn't seem to be. I've had times when there isn't anything happening for me to be anxious about yet I feel the symptoms. That's when it gets really confusing.
In my situation the other night I knew there was little likelihood of what was going on in my mind actually happening but I felt powerless to stop it.
As a consequence I couldn't sleep.
My mind was racing and as much as I tried to control it things spiralled. My awareness of everything was raised, I could feel strange sensations in the chest (not pain) and I was very aware of my breathing.
Eventually I kind of broke down. Sometimes I border on stoic but when you're like that things tend to build up and I guess I reached the threshold. I'm also a lot more emotional that I let on most of the time.
Anyway, after all that I slept quite well.
It was nowhere as bad as last time suggesting I might have a better handle on things now. Still, it's not pleasant. I was more prone to bouts of anxiety last year when things were much, much worse.

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