I had rather a pleasant day over at a friend's place for most of the day, chatting, having lunch outdoors and watching some classic Friends episodes for a laugh.
Just what I needed. Despite feeling like I'd been hit by a bus when I got up this morning the day turned out to be good on the whole.
I called into work late in the day to tidy up and stuff at my desk and had an unpleasant conversation with one of the guys I work with. I can't believe all he could think about was how me not being there affects him. When you've worked in the same place for a long time you'd think some level of care would be evident in the people you work with. I wasn't happy to say the least. The last thing I want to do is be made feel bad about needing a break.
Then I went to church. I can't remember the last time I went and left smiling and not feeling frustrated and uncared for. It's hard enough dealing with everything that's going on. Maybe I should have went to Hillsong, while the sense of being uplifted from there tends to be artifical I'd have been happy to accept that.
I just get the sense people are sick of hearing about the health issues, and I definitely got that sense tonight. That was disappointing. I'm certainly not having fun living with these things and would give anything, almost, to not have to handle it.
Perhaps all this is coming out of the frustration of feeling worn out and will pass in time.
4 comments:
Ray, what can people do in a practical way to help you feel cared for at church?
I think if I knew the answer there wouldn't be a problem.
Perhaps it's the distance between where I live and church. Less sense of community.
Most of the time I feel like I am being judged, partially because of the field I work in, in some part in the reaction to health issues. I feel like I've spent a lot of the year trying to grow as a Christian by trying to meet up with people before church and that hasn't happened.
Last night was the first time in three weeks I'd been at church, I don't think anyone noticed?
Maybe I've been there too long and don't get noticed any more.
Ray, I have felt similar things at church before.
Perhaps I have no place in commenting here, if so, feel free to say, and i apologise, but I will say church shouldnt feel like that (but i think you already know that hehe).
I think perseverance is the key.
And remembering why you are there.
In explaining the importance of Christain community and going to church regularly to the girls i lead it is often emphasised that its not always about what we can get out of it, but also how we can contribute to the community. Now i can understand that if you feel unnoticed then you could argue that its irrelevant how you can contribute because no one notices you anyway, right? But, it does make a difference to your church that you are there. think of the minister, the person sitting next to you, etc, having that one extra person even if they dont know you intimately is encouraging, i think...
Plus, you are also there to praise and honour God and learn from His word, which is hopefully happening despite how you are feeling at that point in time. Remember, God and his word is unchanging, unlike how we feel!
Anyway, having said that, i know it can be hard. im not sure how big your church is, but my church is pretty massive really and so i can feel the same sort of things sometimes.
Maybe it requires you to simply not expect as much from people?
Or maybe it requires people to be more loving?!
I obviously dont know enough about the situation to say which applies more - maybe its both?!
hm ill stop rambling now, sorry...
hope ive been helpful in some way!
You know what though Ray, (and i hope this doesnt sound like im demeaning your problems) trials are temporary but God is faithful and etneral!
"solid joys and lasting treasures only those of zion know"
Hey Ray, I was feeling similar earlier in the year about church, and it was very tough and upsetting. I think often people just don't realise how bad someone can be feeling. I'll pray for you...
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