While guilt is not a motivation for this revelation, and I don't feel any, I know a confession must be forthcoming from me to a friend who I have been misleading.
I just don't really want to have the conversation that I am sure will follow.
It all surrounds church, so anyone wondering what law I have broken or unspeakable thing I have done can settle down.
You see, I haven't been to church on a regular basis for almost a year.
For a quick recap, when I decided to stop going it was at a time when I was feeling very discouraged. This isn't really a good reason to stop, if anything a reason to keep going, but I just felt I couldn't do it any more.
I was disappointed, discouraged, disillusioned and defeated.
Yeah, there's a lot of D's there and I could probably reel off some more but you get the point. A while later I decided to casually visit a church not to far from where I live and have gone there on and off.
My confession is that I haven't been going as much as I have led some people to believe.
I don't feel like I can get straight back on the horse, so to speak, and I hate it that I am not being honest with one or two people who have inquired about my church status.
One in particular. And it is a conversation I have been meaning to have because I do feel bad that I am not being honest with him when he talks about it.
For me, church is in the too-hard basket. I know it shouldn't be but that's where I am leaving it for the time being. I will go to church on special occasions, no question.
That's where I stand right now, I just have to work up the courage to fess up about it.
4 comments:
Church is hard. I am a Youth Pastor at mine and half the time I want to give up because people are cruel sometimes, but it is then when we need to realize that People are just people where ever you find them, whether in a church or at your job, or in the bar or wherever. They are going to mess up, but isn't that the point of church, to be together and lean on each other so that we do not feel alone in our walks with God. I am with you though, it isn't as easy as saying it.
Hey Ray, how are you and God going? I guess that's the question that springs to my mind - no need to answer here but I pray that you will find ways to stay close to Him during this time...I do understand feeling like church is too hard, I've been there and it was a painful time. I found stopping going each week was really helpful for a while, as it gave me some breathing space.
Also btw I'm glad to hear your health is much improved!
Hey Al, nice to hear from you. Me and God are fine it's just the church that's hard. I will get around to it.
Sounds good - hope when the time comes you can find a good, supportive church to settle into. Good luck for the conversation with the friend too.
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