I'm a bit on the mad side and in need of letting it out.
Without pointing fingers, I'm tired of some people not being supportive when support is needed. This relates to a few specific things that I won't go into but some friends have really disappointed me in that they have attempted to push me to do things that clearly I am not ready to do.
If things aren't hard enough most of the time, I don't need pressure from people who should be looking out for me. Perhaps they don't realise they are doing it, perhaps they don't know that I am offended, I guess.
Explaining any reasons for deciding not to do certain things doesn't seem to make any difference and it doesn't make it easy to have good conversations and make the most of time.
I know the bible says not to let the sun go down while you are angry, so how do I approach these situations when they come up?
3 comments:
Hi Ray, that's a tough one. In my experience, these situation come about for two reasons - either people are not aware of how you are feeling, or they are not taking it seriously enough and are therefore insensitive.
In either case, I reckon a good approach is to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them know how you are feeling without having a go at them, and ask them to be supportive in the areas where you need it. Sometimes an email is easier than a face to face conversation. It's important to be specific and clear about what the issue is, and what you would like them to do to help you out.
I read a book once called "Boundaries Face to Face", part of that Boundaries series, it was about how to have confronting conversations. I found it helpful - the main thing I got from it was the idea that it's ok to be offended and to let someone know, as long as it's done in a constructive way (i.e. you dont' have to put up with upsetting stuff just to avoid offending the other person).
Also, sometimes people just don't realise how hard some things in life can be, esp. struggles that drag on for months or years - they might be trying to help but not really understand where your head is at because they haven't been through what you have. I know I've been guilty of saying some fairly clunky things to people who are suffering because I haven't grasped the depth of the issues.
Excellent advice from Alison. I wholeheartedly agree.
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