Before the end of last year I reprimanded myself for not helping myself out enough in 2008.
What that meant, if you didn't get it, was that I spent too much time worrying about things I have no control over and that had a negative effect on me.
We're half way through February and I wonder if I have learned my lesson. Everything was going great early on and a couple of weeks ago I hit a speed bump (metaphorically) and it's like I flew back in time about nine months or so.
Almost. I am better equipped to handle these situations in a lot of ways but still react to them in the same old self-destructive manner.
It's funny, sort of. Some people are afraid of the dark, or alleyways at night. What scares me the most are internal things not so much external things. Uncertainty, the past, almost fear itself. Most are borderline irrational. They aren't baseless but for anyone wanting to actually have a life they are counter productive to say the least.
Good example. I hadn't jumped on the scales for a while until a few weeks ago and I noticed I had put on 3-4kg. Now I feel like I can't try and lose that because I became afraid of losing weight for other reasons a while back.
So I'm left feeling uncomfortable about the extra kilos and uncomfortable about shedding them. Talk about rock and a hard place. That's how my twisted mind can work.
Instead of working with myself and continuing the awesome progress I had been making I've gone back to over analyzing and this causes mild stress, moodiness and restlessness. I know I can win this but, man, it is a battle.
How do you win when you are fighting against yourself?
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