Who's the boss

It's been an interesting week so far as I fill the role of my boss while he's on holidays.
Happily everything has gone pretty well so far.
When you are in charge it certainly is an eye opening experience and I've enjoyed it largely. Having to make decisions, deal with the other people you work with in a different context and be responsible for the product sound great in theory and while they are great you forget at times that everything is riding on you.
You know what Peter Parker was told - ''with great power comes great responsibility''.
So now, TGIF tomorrow. Heading off to see Invictus at the movies and will have to think of good ways to stay out of the heat on Saturday (one comes to mind).

Chaos versus control

There's a scene in the classic film Six Degrees Of Separation where two Kandinsky paintings are featured representing chaos and control.
On one side the painting is geometric and ordered, on the other it is vivid and boundless.
They are meant to be contrasting but in reality the two ideas go together so well.
Chaos, disorder, uncertainty. These can all be exciting or scary situations.
Control, habituality, surety. They aren't all they are cracked up to be.
I should know. I've been trying to control things that are out of my control for a very long time and it gets frustrating.
I don't like the idea of randomness most of the time. Spontaneity doesn't scare me but I've always preferred to be prepared.
Have you ever noticed how people who err on the side of chaos seem to be less easily stressed, worry less and seem to enjoy themselves more readily.
Ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do the opposite of everything he normally does? That George is confident and chaotic and gets everything the other George would never have a shot at.
So is it that simple?
I've had a situation at work lately that has bothered me a lot more than I have let on. On the surface it is something that I should just brush aside and forget about but it lingers. I think about it a lot more than I should.
I say I don't care what people think quite readily but, truth be told, I must care a lot more than even I'm aware of. It's part of needing to control things, even if it is subconsciously.
I was faced with a situation today where my phone packed it an and I had the choice of replacing it straight away or sending it away to be repaired. Not knowing if it could be, how long it would take or what it would cost I elected just to replace it. I can't believe that I can't go for a week or two without a mobile phone. Control, see?
I'd love to try chaos as a way of life and see if I can thrive.
Whether the control part of me allows it is another thing.

Speed

Have you noticed how fast things happen these days?
It's the end of August and we're looking at spring now and pretty soon we'll be talking Christmas plans and New Years celebrations. The Noughties are finished, what do we call the 2010s?
I say all this because I've realised how a lot of the time I want things to happen fast.
I want to get to work quickly (and leave work quickly), I eat quickly (at times to my detriment but I should expect that), I walk quickly, I don't have long showers. You get the point.
Everything doesn't need to happen so fast but somehow I get caught up in it. Maybe it is a Sydney thing, or at least a big city thing.
Happily I have holidays coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm looking forward to the break. I enjoy getting out of the rat race if I can and I'm also looking forward to a few days in Melbourne coming up.
Having been there a couple of times this year I now know a few people so that will make the trip this time a bit more fun (and I have had a pretty darn good time in those two trips).
Needless to say I should try to slow down.
Really, there's no need to rush. Ferris Bueller had it right - 'life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop once in a while and look around you could miss it' (or something like that).

In other news

It's been a pretty big week but happily I have tomorrow off and am heading away for the weekend.
I had quite a nice lunch on Tuesday at Otto in Wooloomooloo, pretty swanky joint and I'd hate to think how much it cost. Whether it was worth it or not it was a media lunch so I didn't have to worry about that. Had some unpleasantness there but I'd rather not go into it, as it has passed.

Over the past few weeks I've had kind of a sore throat and I got it checked out a couple of days
ago. To my surprise I found out I have ulcers in the throat and have to go on antibiotics. Hopefully they will clear up without much trouble.

My parents have moved into their `new' house and I'm told it is a bit weird to be back at the old address in the new house. It's been more than a year since the fire so I can understand how strange it must be. It will be odd going there and it not being the same house.

Recap

A lot has happened in the past week and a half, mostly positive, a few challenges and maybe a lesson or two.

Starting at the start, last week I was thrust into the position of acting editor.

I guess they don't call it a baptism of fire for nothing. With little experience in the everyday (and more crucially the deadline day) running everything fell onto me for a week while the boss was away. You see we have had cutbacks, as most workplaces have, and that has left us a lot shorter than we are used to - particularly when someone is on holidays.

One advantage I had was that I paid a bit of attention to what was going on over the past couple of years when it came to how the paper is operated. So at least I had some idea. But when the boss neglects to tell you a few things here and there it can leave you on the hop a bit.

Fortunately it all went pretty smoothly. I was busy, for sure, and it seemed that any time I tried to get something done the phone would ring and I'd have to deal with something.

What I learned was that I'm not ready for that responsibility just yet but that I can handle it. That was the only issue as I approached the week. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off.

By the end of the week I was a bit drained but otherwise fine. I took the attitude that I wasn't going to let anything stress me out too much, I wasn't going to panic if something went wrong. It was a good plan but one that ultimately went untested.

After a cruisy Friday night I went to a bucks party (that's most of the crew in the photo) at the Lowenbrau in the Rocks. For those who don't know it is a German theme restaurant and beer house and the scene for many a bucks party over the years I'm sure.

Whether the night actually counts as a bucks night is debatable being a second marriage but we thought we'd kidnap the guy and treat him to a night out.

Largely it was a good one. After several hours there we pressed on in search of something that was ultimately unattainable - a live band.

This meant wandering around the Rocks for a while then onto Surry Hills where we traipsed around the streets frustratingly and came up empty handed.

We then crammed six people into my car and drove to Botany to a 24-hour pub where we played a bit of pool and put old songs on the video jukebox until about 2am.

Then I drove most of them home with all sorts of antics going on. I was breath tested on the way home. I always find this amusing. One time when asked how long since my last drink I replied `about three years'. This time I was more restrained. While I was never in danger there were a good dozen cars pulled over whose drivers had obviously exceeded the limit.

It had to be the latest night I've had for a long time. I was able to sleep in until about 9 in the morning but it takes an effect.

On other topics, later that day my sister and nephew dropped around for a while. I had to postpone a catch-up with a new friend that I was looking forward to, hopefully that will happen this weekend. It's great when you meet someone new and kinda click.

I'm almost finished reading The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn (will review upon completion) and have bought A Midsummer Night's Dream for my next read.

Yeah, I'm going for a bit of culture in my reading at the moment.

Baptism of fire

They say the best way to learn something is the hard way.
As a general rule I'm not sure I agree but I found out at work today that being thrown in the deep end is actually beneficial. You find out whether you can handle a difficult task.
At this stage I think I handled a difficult task quite well, though I didn't have lunch until 2.30pm or so and thought I might explode (for different reasons) around lunch time. So much information to take in and so many different people coming to you for instruction.
So running the show today was unexpected, it wasn't supposed to happen until next week, but it seems a baptism of fire can tell you a lot about yourself.
And, in hindsight I think it was great to get the experience today for next week.
Like I said a while ago, careful what you wish for.

Careful what you wish for

Tomorrow sees the beginning of what will be a fairly steep learning curve for me at work.
It's a great thing, because it is something I have wanted a crack at for a while, but the last week or so it has occurred to me that I might not be ready.
I have some experience at what I will be doing but, basically, within a month I have to know how to run the show on my own. Big step. A fair bit daunting. Totally achievable, though.
It is exciting, and does show to me that hard work is rewarded sometimes. The circumstances aren't the best, though, and that is making things a bit strange.
The important thing, I think, when I'm learning in the coming weeks is to not expect to know everything straight away. Take it a step or two at a time.
On other topics, I love rainy weekends occasionally. So this weekend was kinda nice. Although both days started with a big tease of a fine day before those hopes were dashed fairly quickly.
Aside from State Of Origin II this week the anticipation for the Transformers sequel is pretty high. It has been caned a bit in the reviews this weekend but I come to expect that from most of the critics I read.
I'm not really expecting a great storyline (hey, they are 80s ex-cartoon robots) and with 150 minutes to get through that is some concern. But if the action is as good as the trailer makes out then it should be a wild ride.
I've otherwise had a fairly good weekend. I finished reading the fourth instalment of Buffy season 8 and it is starting to lose its appeal. They should have stuck with the TV series, but then again it is a comic so I shouldn't be too harsh. I do enjoy finding out what happened next and you don't get that with a lot of TV shows.

Always good

There is a guy I often see at work who, when you ask him how he is going replies `always good' every single time.
It's got me thinking. Is this someone who really has a handle on life and the attitude you need to handle it or is it a delusion? Probably the former. I often bump into him when getting breakfast and, like today, when leaving the building after work. The turn of phrase he uses didn't really register with me until this week.
Funny.

Snap out of it

It should be simple.
Why can't I seem to get it out of my head that things are going to be bad when I go back to work tomorrow after a short break of 10 days?
This harks back to the somewhat misguided ultimatum I was handed last month and the feeling I have that it has put me on the outer. I may well be, and probably am, completely wrong here.
Perhaps it is the way I'm wired but I just have that doubt and it's affecting my overall mood.
Perhaps the best solution is to get it out in the open when I get back there so I know where things stand. The best solution could also be to just forget it but since that seems to be the more difficult option I may have no choice.
The problem is that, historically, common sense doesn't always prevail in the workplace where politics seems to be bubbling to the surface.
I just want to go to my job and enjoy it.
Is it that simple?

A week on...

It's been seven days since the incident at work and, on the face of it, things seem back to normal.
Except for one thing.
I still don't really know how to act. Sometimes I just push on and others I get caught up in exactly how pi**ed off I am by what happened.
What makes it difficult sometimes is that I can't see evidence that anything has changed and that, to me, is really disappointing. I am enjoying having moved desks within the office, the 10m or so that I moved a couple of years back.
Maybe it is one of those things that time will heal.

Cooling off

Things were certainly strange today after the spray I received yesterday.
The couple of people I told about it said how inappropriate the action was, especially as a problem solving exercise. `If you don't like it, then leave' isn't very diplomatic.
Anyway, the boss talked to me today like the previous day didn't happen. It was hard to know how to take it.
I came up with somewhat of a solution to one of the issues and thankfully it looks like happening. So, now that Friday's here (TGIF) I'm going to a movie.

Would you like a crushed soul with that?

Ever see The Simpsons episode where Bart sells his soul?
Automatic doors still open for me and no dogs and cats are growling, so it is still there.
But, well, that's how I feel today.
I haven't sold my soul, so don't worry there, but I really feel like it has been crushed. I won't go into it in detail but I got a massive dressing down when I got to work and almost an ultimatum.
In some part I contributed to it yesterday but some out of character behaviour but I don't feel like I deserved to have my hopes and dreams (work wise) virtually destroyed.
I felt like I have been working towards something and now that's not going to happen.
The view of a colleague whose opinion I value is that what happened was uncalled for and a massive over reaction. I will get past it, I guess, but it just feels like I'll be going to work without a purpose, sort of.
True there are bigger and more important things going on in the world, and in this country, but I really feel like this is a massive setback.

Deflated

I don't know whether I am doing this to myself but the situation at work has me feeling quite deflated.
On the one hand I should be happy and grateful that I have a job, given the current conditions, and one that I enjoy. But I'm starting to believe I'm being told one thing by the boss while he does the opposite.
I was told recently that I'm relied upon because of my knowledge of the field we work in, knowledge that no-one else in the team has. Yet I'm not allowed proper input into the content and direction of things.
I was told a while back that I would be able to take on a higher role one day. Yet whenever I try to take steps towards that I'm knocked back.
It's hard to know whether I can trust what I'm being told anymore. There's a chance I could get asked to go back to my previous job in he near future but that's something I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for yet.

Office politics

Last week the boss called me over for a chat and took me by surprise.
A colleague had complained to the boss that I was being rude to him and I really didn't know what to say. Can you imagine me being rude to anyone in a professional setting, or even in general?
It started with a question - ``do you have any issues at the moment?''
``Nothing major'', was my reply.
I was then told that the guy who sits next to me had complained that I'd been rude to him for a couple of weeks. Well, I said that I hadn't. Though I said at times I didn't want to talk to the guy or was reluctant to pass on information that I had that he could know if he bothered to put in a bit of effort. Basically on that front I didn't want him to benefit from the time I put in (now to be clear we are talking about horse tipping and form and it is a matter of doing your own work there).
I was then forced to tell the boss that the guy had been baiting me at work, trying to get me to say things so that he could complain about me. Childish, or what!
Anyway, as much as I didn't want to bring that up just yet I had to and fortunately the boss said that he had noticed. So that appears to have stopped for the time being.
It left me pretty royally peeved about the situation and I didn't say an awful lot to the guy for a while and really only talk to him if I have to.
I realise in a work situation you can't give people the silent treatment for long and am going to have to push past it. It's hard though, I reckon I could go to the passive-aggressive Olympics if there was one.
This behaviour is not foreign to this guy, who seems to think he can control our workforce for his own gain and has pushed people out of their jobs in the past. I ain't moving and I think he realises that fact. What he doesn't realise I'd suggest is that I want his job/role and the boss knows it (I said as much about nine months ago).
The thing is, this guy expects people to respect him but he doesn't realise that respect is something that is earned, it doesn't come as a given.

Super Saturday

Well it has been a pretty flat-out week, kinda feels like it should be Friday today not tomorrow.
Having said that it is close enough.
I'm off on another short trip south and I think it will be a completely different experience to the searing heat of last time. But it's going to be great.
Staying in a different place (also slightly cheaper) and have a bit more time as well as know a bit more about what I'm doing and where I'm going. The event I'm off to is called `Super Saturday' and from what I saw today it appears that it will be.

Attitude adjustment

It occurred to me today that I probably haven't been that pleasant to be around, especially at work, for the last little while.
I shouldn't arrive at the office an immediately feel the frustration and impatience hit me before I sit down. There's a bit of a back story that I won't go into but if you've been reading between the lines over the last week you'd have an idea.
I don't think there is anything I enjoy more than my job. That's pretty sad, really, but true. How bad can it be when you get paid to talk about, watch and interact with what basically is your hobby unless you turn into the Comic Book Guy?
So why the bad attitude? In one respect it is borne out of the frustration that one or two of my coworkers are stifling our progress when what I want to do is make what we produce the best it can possibly be. Sure, everyone does that at work right? Not mine.
We have a culture of fearing changes of any kind and, as someone who wants to continue to develop not only the quality of what I write about but the overall quality, it seems whenever change from the routine is suggested it is pretty quickly dismissed because `that's not what we do every week'.
Today, anyway, I kind of packed everything in and refused (privately) to make any effort above minimum required, which I have to say is pretty darn easy. Yep, I went against everything I just wrote about with regards to quality and offered no suggestion on original material.
I know I need to change my attitude towards all this. I don't like being closed off and unresponsive unless it is some passive-aggressive thing I have going (I strangely relish those times now and then). Exacerbating the problem has been a few battles with personal issues and fears and when I get caught up in that world I can be hard to communicate with.
Any wonder I'm single. That's another subject. I will try harder tomorrow to adjust my outlook.

The Flemington experience

A large part of my trip to Melbourne was to go to the races down there (as you would expect from me) and it was simply awesome.

Even though I have worked in the industry for closing on nine years I felt like a bit of a kid going to the big smoke for the first time. (Ironic since I was travelling from the biggest city in the country to the second biggest).

When I arrived at Flemington (the racecourse where the Melbourne Cup is held for those who don't know) the first person I encountered was someone I knew from Sydney (a racing official) and he and a few others were heading onto the course to check it out. I tagged along and got to walk up and down the home straight for as long as I liked.

In contrast to the day before the conditions were much more comfortable and there was even a breeze - ideal conditions for a race meeting.

I wandered on the track for about half an hour before heading off to meet a number of people, which was my aim for the day.

I watched the last race from the grandstand as opposed to the mounting area and it was great to take in the whole track.

I also played racing fan a bit by hanging out and having a look at Weekend Hussler, one of the best racehorses in the country when he arrived at the horse stalls. The trainer gave me a cap and I had a bit of a chat to him. There was quite a crowd around to check him out.

I didn't take any pictures of his race, he ran fourth and was quite unlucky.

The second photo i of an earlier race, the winner is the horse to the far left and is just about to get a clear run. It was taken about 300m from the winning post and you can also see a bit of the Melbourne skyline in the background.

The day seemed to fly by. I met a couple of great young racing reporters there. One of them surprised me a bit by telling me he remembered reading some of my stuff when he was a teenager. It made me feel a bit old but he said he was 25.

Still it was weird to meet someone like that who had read my stories from a different state.
After the races I headed straight to the airport for the trip back. Airports are fairly boring and once you've checked in I found there was little in the way of decent food.

Anyway it was a great experience all up and I will definitely do it again, but perhaps in a less whirlwind way.

Sleepless in Sydney

When you get home at 9pm or thereabouts and it is still 30 degrees you know you're in for a hot night.
It was the same yesterday. I had to resort to using a relaxation tape to get me to doze off when I couldn't get comfortable. Everyone complains about the weather, probably more than anything else, yet it is one thing we have no control over.
At the moment it's a heatwave but a few days ago we were obsessing over the coldest December in a while or something to that effect.. Where had summer gone? Now it's too hot!
I haven't exactly had sleepless nights, it just takes a while to count enough sheep to get the job done. Feels a bit like it though when you wake up after just six hours when eight would be much better. The predictions are that we're getting a 10 or so degree drop in temperature tomorrow so things should be more pleasant.
It was a fairly standard day today. Watched the cricket after work for a while and it was very intriguing for the fifth day of a test match but also satisfying to see Australia scape home to beat South Africa for what will really only be a consolation win. I went out to the club for dinner with some mates then watched an episode of Chuck before getting ready for bed.
So I sit here in my shorts ready to hit the sack. Sounds like a good idea.

A Canterbury tale

I have to admit I really like going to Canterbury for the races. The track is fairly small but that means from the stands you can get a good view of the entire course - the horses aren't as far away from you as they are at, say, Randwick.

After several days of very wintry and rainy weather it was a cracker of a day today, when the sun was out, and a great day to head to the races. It'd been several weeks since I had made it to the track and I managed to meet a few people I didn't know, get some legwork done on a couple of projects for work and catch up with a mate who I have a lot of time for. What can I say about Brent? He's quite a bit of fun and we had a great day hanging out, punting and catching up. A lot of his family, and his girlfriend, were there as well as they had a horse racing and they were all very good to talk to.
The week has been a busy one in one respect, a shade frustrating as usual, and saw many plans change. I was going to go for a swim but with the rain and stuff I didn't want to brave the outdoor (heated) pool.
Some more catching up with people tomorrow for a while in the afternoon, and by tomorrow evening I'm going to wonder where the weekend got to.
The photos on this page are obviously ones I took at the races at Canterbury today and gives an indication of the size of the track.

Encouragement vs apathy

At work I try to be as encouraging as possible, particularly when it comes to people who are less experienced than I am.
Lately it has become apparent, I guess moreso than normal, that there is a large amount of apathy among some of the people I work with. And it frustrates the heck out of me.
For some people it seems as though it is easy to have a low care factor about what they are doing.
I physically can't do this. Unless I'm under the weather a bit I am really enagaged with what I'm doing, always thinking about things I can write about and keeping up with what's going on. Basically if anyone rings our office with a technical question it ends up with me to explain or help with the problem.
I have wondered a bit recently what would happen if I wasn't there.
Clearly my expectation of the people I work with, one or two in particular, is higher than everyone else's. What I can't understand is why they don't just love what they do - we don't have a high risk job, we're not responsible for saving lives and we essentially call our hobby our job. At least that's what it's like for me.
From the outside it appears that for some it's just a job and mediocracy is acceptable. Now I am not a high-flyer and never will be, I don't aspire to massive heights within my job (except for one particular step) but I love what I do. It just seems to me that I'm in the minority there and that's sad.
Sometimes it feels like you're swimming upstream, fighting against the current when everyone should be heading in the same direction.
It's hard to be encouraging in this scenario but I try, though I've got to admit I'm close to my last attempt with one of my coworkers, even though it's not my job to push him at all, who has all the talent in the world but is just not using it.
I know it's not really my business, other people's work ethics, but I just want what's best for the team and when I'm giving 110% and look around and see others giving 50% it's disheartening.