A lyrical journey

Some random lyrics from songs I love....

`If you could see what's going on behind these private eyes, the truth would look so easy now but I'm running out of lies' - All I Want Is Everything (Def Leppard)

`And I know it aches and your heart it breaks, and you can only take so much.' - Walk On (U2)

`How do you block the sound of a voice you'd know anywhere.' - Insensitive (Jann Arden)

`And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in, you will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly, and you'll find what you need to prevail.' - Through The Rain (Mariah Carey)

`You grew up way too fast now there's nothing to believe, and re-runs all become our history.' - Name (Goo Goo Dolls)

`There's no need to say a thing when I'm before you, in this silence I feel refreshed with peace.' - When You Are Near (Jeremy Camp)

`Ever wonder why I never really truly connect although my eyes are open, I can hold your gaze but I am never connected.' - Darkness (Darren Hayes)

My part of the world...

Hidden treasure

Strange wildlife

Worlds collide

Bring me to life

Things sure have changed here on Walton's mountain.
Yeah, all right, I'll get serious.
It's amazing how the mind works. I've spent a lot of time over the last three years either in denial, desperation, despair or disillusionment, you get the point.
One small piece of information held so much power. Once the fear that knowledge nurtured disappeared everything became different. Almost overnight.
Instead of learning how to live in a negative way, placing limitations on myself, suddenly the door to the world has been flung open and I can step outside.
Chronic conditions are by nature difficult to deal with and you can easily reach the `what's the point' stage. Perseverence is hard. Giving in seems easy but once you've done that there's no turning back.
I am glad I persevered. I am fortunate I had some amazing, unconditional support, someone I could fall apart in front of if I needed to. I don't ever take that for granted. I am fortunate I have a faith which provides hope.
Learning how to live in a positive way after feeling so much negative emotion should be a walk in the park, right? I thought so but in a lot of ways the habits I have developed in the past few years are still there, and it is hard to get out of them. I guess I never was the type just to throw caution to the wind.
So much has changed in the last month. I feel different, less fearful, less worried. It's a great feeling. I won't go as far as to say reborn, certainly rejuvenated. It's easier to smile.
One little piece of information. It's all gone, there's no trace, no sign. Unbelievable, almost.
Time to move on, learn to live fully, experience, flourish, knowing I can handle it.

In the city

It turned out a great last day before work resumes.
I spent most of it in the great city area of Sydney, wandering around and observing the place. Kind of like a tourist, even though I have been there many a time, as when I am in the city it is usually for a purpose and not just for recreation.
Actually I did have a purpose. I had my acupuncture appointment but I got into town a couple of hours before so I could have a browse, pick up a DVD of Into The Wild as it was released today, and just enjoy Sydney on a sunny, pleasant autumn day.
I must do that more often. I didn't in the end head down to the water, to the Quay, but the city isn't bad in the middle of the day, there's plenty to see, always a busker or some other kind of street clutter to catch your eye.
The walk from Central station is a good one, about 20 minutes along George Street to where I needed to get to (that's normally) but I took a different path today and browsed in a comic book store, walked through the Pitt Street mall (haven't been there in ages) and had lunch at the QVB.
So I can happily say I ended my break with a top day. Shame I have to go back to work tomorrow but that isn't all bad as I really like my job.

Be Kind Rewind

Here's a movie that sounded good, had promise then fell flat on its face.
Be Kind Rewind is the latest Jack Black silly comedy but it lacks the class of previous efforts.
Jerry (Black) is magnetised while trying to sabotage the local power station and as a result he erases all the tapes at the struggling video store, Be Kind Rewind.
When a customer inquires about hiring Ghostbusters and Jerry and Mike (Mos Def) discover the tapes are erased they decide to remake the film themselves.
Their `Sweded' films become a neighbourhood smash and everyone wants remakes of their favourite films.
OK, so this is actually a fantastic idea for a movie and the scenes where Jerry and Mike `Swede' films like Robocop, Driving Miss Daisy, Rush Hour 2, and so on are very good.
Soon word gets out that this is happening and Hollywood sends in its goons to stamp out their piracy. Sigourney Weaver is criminally wasted in this role. When I saw her approaching I thought, wow she's going to ask for a remake of Alien or something like that, but alas that would be actually funny.
From there it degenerates into an uninteresting and well trodden `save the building' film and some kind of tribute to Fats Waller.
Be Kind Rewind had its moments, and when it did they were quite funny. But come on, this was a fantastic idea and it has gone begging. Or maybe Jack Black isn't as funny to me as he used to be. One things I will say is, and Rod will appreciate this, is that a love of movies brings the community together and I think that is a great thing.
A 6 out of 10 for the funny bits.

Penultimate day off

Well it is my second last day of holidays before I return to the world of 9 to 5 (or 7 to 3 as the case may be) and I have to say I am ready.
I suspected four weeks may have been too many and now I know, unless you have major travel or other plans that three is the optimum number.
It has been a good break, I really feel like I've taken time out even though I have spent quite some time paying attention to the races. But I enjoy that so why should I deprive myself of something I enjoy so much.
A two day work week to start back holds a lot of appeal. Two days on, two days off seems like a good deal to me, glad I thought of that and locked it in!

Step into the confessional

While guilt is not a motivation for this revelation, and I don't feel any, I know a confession must be forthcoming from me to a friend who I have been misleading.
I just don't really want to have the conversation that I am sure will follow.
It all surrounds church, so anyone wondering what law I have broken or unspeakable thing I have done can settle down.
You see, I haven't been to church on a regular basis for almost a year.
For a quick recap, when I decided to stop going it was at a time when I was feeling very discouraged. This isn't really a good reason to stop, if anything a reason to keep going, but I just felt I couldn't do it any more.
I was disappointed, discouraged, disillusioned and defeated.
Yeah, there's a lot of D's there and I could probably reel off some more but you get the point. A while later I decided to casually visit a church not to far from where I live and have gone there on and off.
My confession is that I haven't been going as much as I have led some people to believe.
I don't feel like I can get straight back on the horse, so to speak, and I hate it that I am not being honest with one or two people who have inquired about my church status.
One in particular. And it is a conversation I have been meaning to have because I do feel bad that I am not being honest with him when he talks about it.
For me, church is in the too-hard basket. I know it shouldn't be but that's where I am leaving it for the time being. I will go to church on special occasions, no question.
That's where I stand right now, I just have to work up the courage to fess up about it.

A day at the races

Easter Saturday in Sydney, for me, means Derby Day at Randwick but after the horse flu last year things were put back.
So yesterday wasn't Derby Day, that's not for another month, but it was still a fine way to celebrate turning 33. Admittedly I didn't have much of a celebration - I hung out with people I know largely from and through work - but it was still a very good day out.
I took these pictures with my new camera and while I am far from a photographic expert I reckon they are all right. The top one is a mounting yard scene, where the horses parade prior to heading out to race.
The second is obviously an action shot, 100m to go in the first race at Randwick yesterday.
The winner, Rio Osa, is the horse in the cerise about to hit the lead. Sadly, the horse I backed, Acey Ducey, is the horse running third at this stage and he was only beaten a half head at the finish.

An interesting thing happened, I was wandering around the betting ring and I ran into a racehorse trainer who I have had a lot to do with over the last five or six years and a guy I get on well with.

He told me because he didn't have any horses racing he thought he'd come out and celebrate his birthday. Now I've known the guy for a while and didn't know we share a birthday. I reckon it's cool because he's one of the best people I know in the racing industry.

I didn't do any major partying last night but enjoyed watching the Knights beat Manly 13-12.

Birthday wishes

I'd like to extend birthday greetings to the following people:

1. Brant who turned 31 yesterday, though who is still celebrating as he lives in the US.
2. Matty D, who has another birthday on Monday (and I've forgotten his exact age).
3. Myself, who as of today is 33 and looking forward to spending the day at Randwick.

Halo

I didn't know this video clip existed and it's a song worth hearing. Halo by Aussie soul singer Eran James, from his album Ten Songs About Love.
It's a beautiful song, one I hear was inspired by his mother who had cancer and with a line like `when I'm lost, confused and scared of the night, I look up and find, there's a halo burning bright'.
This guy is seriously underexposed in Australia, has more talent than anyone who ever set foot on Idol, and deserves to be noticed, or at least heard, more.
Enjoy.

Horton Hears A Who!

The genius of Jim Carrey is so evident in the film Horton Hears A Who , the latest Dr Seuss classic to hit the big screen.
For a book published over 50 years ago, in 1954, Horton stands up very well to modern day and even uses some pop culture references (the Apocolypse Now one comes to mind).
On the fifteenth of May, in the Jungle of Nool, In the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool, He was splashing ... enjoying the jungle's great joys . . When Horton the elephant heard a small noise.
The central message of the book/film is simple - everybody matters regardless of who they are - and it is repeated many times as `a person's a person, no matter how small'.
Animating this film was a masterstroke, getting Carrey (who played the Grinch in the live action film a few years back) was another because it is his film.
Horton is so loveable, whimsical, and he is dedicated to saving the people of Whoville, who live on a speck of dust.
The animators turned the elephant Horton into Carrey and it works (at this point I should mention I'm a big fan) as he goes against the way of the jungle (run by an evil Kangaroo voiced by the wonderful Carol Burnett) which says `if you can't see it and can't hear it, it doesn't exist' to ensure the safety of the Whos, even though no-one else believes they exist.
The Mayor Of Whoville (Steve Carrell) has similar problems. He can hear Horton but no one believes him.
I think there is a definite parallel with Christianity here in two places. The people of Whoville don't believe in the voice from the sky who is trying to protect them. It's the old question of faith. More telling though, I think, is the reference to a speck.
I'm talking from Matthew 7:3-5 which says `Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye....' The jungle animals are far too attentive to the `speck' Horton is carrying to pay attention to the `planks' which prevent them from seeing the truth.
I think the whole film carries a wonderful message, it's fun to watch and also funny and is great for people of all ages. There's a hilarious rendition of REO Speedwagon's classic Can't Fight This Feeling thrown in as well. Dr Seuss would be very proud. Easily the best thing I've seen so far this year and a 9 out of 10.

Vantage Point

There is a really good film in Vantage Point but somehow it just wasn't quite realised.

I don't know whether the filmmakers were trying to be too clever with the very interesting concept, which isn't exactly new but nevertheless isn't often used.

The film centres around an assassination attempt on the US President and is told from several different characters' `vantage points', including the Pres himself, a tourist, a bodyguard, and a couple of the people involved in the shooting.

The cast is solid with Dennis Quaid, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Forest Whitaker and Matthew Fox among them.

It's a little bit 24, a little bit Lost with some Bourne camera work thrown in. There are some twists, some surprising, some not so surprising, I thought Fox wasn't bad and Quaid kind of remided me of Kevin Costner in the Bodyguard - whether or not that's a good thing I'm not sure.

They overused their concept a bit and this is where some of the problem lay. One or two people in the session I was in remarked `not again' or words to that effect at about the fourth rewind to start a new vantage point. One could argue they should have expected it but I still stay the concept was overdone.

In all, there are far worse films out there and this wasn't bad at all. Less critical people than myself will say it's a solid action movie. And it is. I just expected more. There was a really good film that went begging here but what they came up with is passable. A 7 out of 10.

100 episodes and so many questions

There's so much to process after the 1o0th episode of One Tree Hill. Spoilers ahead.
Lucas (pictured) is all set to marry Lindsey, his mother and sister have returned along with Andy, Karen's flame of season 2, for the big day.
The evil nanny Carrie is also back. Dan is planning a `family reunion', Peyton wants to stop the wedding and it seems everyone else wants her to as well.
It took Haley about five seconds to work out Lucas' new book was all about Peyton, just like the first one, but somehow Lindsey can't see that - right up until Lucas says I Do when she finally realises the comet in the book is a reference to Peyton's car (nice throwback to the first episode by the way) and his longing for her.
There's a great imaginary scene where Peyton stops the wedding, but then a voiceover steps in and says `that's what I should have done, instead I said nothing'.
More pressing than Lindsey running out on the wedding is the fact that Carrie has kidnapped Jamie and wants to keep him as her son. Until Dan comes to the rescue. Is he the bad guy of the series or has be turned over a new leaf? I think not. But he does save the day.
Funniest scene goes to Brooke and Peyton where Brooke says, while hugging Peyton, `I want to have a baby' and Peyton responds with a worried looks: `with me!'. Hilarious, but Brooke quickly sets the record straight.
So much information, an outstanding episode, but a month's wait at least before the final six episodes of season 5.

Embarrassing admission #1

So I was listening to the music on my computer and a certain song started.
It was Reach by S Club 7.
This is the embarrassing admission: I love this song!
Yeah it is a manufactured pop song by a boy/girl band but it just makes me smile. It's bright, light, easy to listen to and the words mean something.

My favourite bit is: Don't believe in all that you've been told, the sky's the limit you can reach your goal, no-one knows just what the future holds, there ain't nothing you can't be, there's a whole world at your feet.

You're a tough crowd if this doesn't make you feel good.

Hugging: the art of manliness

To hug or not to hug.
As a man it's a tricky one when it comes to your mates. But it shouldn't be.
This explains the rules in the US. Interesting, not irrelevant. Thanks Craig/Lairdy for the heads up.
Makes me think of the Free Hugs campaign, what a great thing that is.

The Two Of Me

In August last year Andrew Johns revealed he had suffered depression and bipolar disorder for pretty much his entire rugby league career.
As a big fan of Joey, as you can see from the photo, I was always going to read his book The Two Of Me with interest.
The first thing I can say is that it is easy to read, being largely a first person account of his life to date.
Some of it is easy to relate to, both as a fan of the Newcastle Knights and someone who has battled depression (though nowhere near as serious), and some of it is a bit ho hum.
However, the good very much outweighs the bad.
Of course some of the book's thunder was stolen when Johns was arrested in England with an ecstacy tablet in his possession and he had to confess to years of drug abuse and such. That interview was quite wrenching but probably the best thing to do.
What troubles me is that nobody tried very hard to reel him in when something was very obviously wrong. Perhaps it was because of who he is or maybe he was hard to talk to, I've only met him twice and you can't get a guide on who someone is based on a couple of two or three minute chats. I am certainly not going to judge, and I think what he's done since everything came out is admirable.
The big shame is that Knights fans won't get to see him play again.
If you're a fan you'll like it, though the book is probably above anyone not at least casually interested in rugby league.

Throwing a few things out there

It's after 10.30pm.
I am somewhere in the middle of a mild headcold and a bit tired.
I say in the middle because the sore throat is gone and my voice is now somewhat croaky.
Been a while since I've had one of these and it is probably because of this weird weather, or the cold my good friend/housemate brought back from overseas. (It's just easier to blame him, it probably isn't his fault!)
I am thinking of seeing an early movie tomorrow, haven't been for a while and it is cheap day.
I want to have a few easy days after all my travelling today and the plans for the weekend. Plus being on holidays I can take advantage of that luxury.
This afternoon I watched episode 11 of One Tree Hill season 5 and it rocked big time. Welcome back Chase and Rachel. Bring on the next one!!!
I finished reading Andrew Johns' book recently, should post a review soon.
I watched every game of rugby league this weekend except for the Tigers vs Dragons.
I could go on but it is time for bed...long day and all.

The digital age

It's been great getting out of Sydney for a while but now I'm back, still with a couple of weeks holidays up my sleeve.
Among the things I got up to was, wait for it, attending a 6-year-old's birthday party. And I can safely say I don't want to be in a room with that many kids for a while. It's quite amazing how much noise they can make. Perhaps I'm just getting old.
Speaking of getting older, I was given a digital camera for my birthday (which is not for a few days yet) by the family. So I have been dragged further into the digital age but at least it allows me to post photos that I take and such.
I took a few good ones of the nephew (who was rather naughty while I was home) which I am happy with and since it has been about 3 years between new photos it is a long time coming.
Now I'm into the third week of my break I think I have begun to relax properly and that's awesome. With Easter coming up and of course the dreaded GST birthday (that's 33 for those who don't know: 30 plus 10 per cent) coming up, roughly at the same time, the week ahead should be a good one.

Neighbours

I'm sure it is a big city thing, you know very little about the people who live nearby or in the same complex.
People seem to like to keep to themselves, admittedly I like to do that from time to time, but surely it is counter productive.
This came to light today. I arrived home around lunch time from a trip into the city for acupuncture and shopping to be greeted by four fire trucks, an ambulance and a police car and their occupants.
The reason: there was a fire in one of the apartments. Immediately I was concerned it could have been mine but was told otherwise by one of the firemen at the front of our driveway on the way in. I'm a little ashamed to say I still know nothing about the people whose lives have been severely disrupted by fire in their unit. I don't know their names, I wouldn't know anything about them.
Out of the many units in my complex I know the occupants of two of them and I have been here four years. How bad is that? I think I need to get to know a little bit about the people around me.

Down time

Not a lot to say at the moment, it has been a good first week off.
I haven't done an awful lot, aside from a trip to the city on Wednesday for a racing lunch at Star City (very nice), which is cool with me.
It appears like a big weekend ahead so that will be interesting....

Sixth year in Tree Hill

Whether or not the US writers strike had anything to do with it, it's great news that One Tree Hill has been confirmed for next season, its sixth year.
In season five, of which I have watched six episodes, they took the risk of skipping over the traditional college years and into new ground and picked up four years after the end of season 4.

So far it has worked and is just as addictive as ever.

Now if only Channel 10 would wake up to themselves and realise what a cracking show it is. But it is probably too late for OTH now, they only got half way through season 2 before dumping it after not giving it a chance.

Incidentally, when I was returning Disturbia to the video store OTH was playing and I asked the guy behind the counter as to why, and he said because it's the best show and he watches it whenever he is working there!

Numb

Wow, wow, wow, wow.
OK, straight up I have to say this movie could have been a bit better but the performance of Matthew Perry in Numb was unbelievable.
Perry, best known as Chandler in Friends, plays Hudson, a screenwriter who suffers from a depersonalisation disorder.
He floats through life in a daze, feeling detatched from the world and from people. He spends his days sleeping, watching the 24 hour golf channel (because green is an appealing colour and people whisper all the time) and his idea of a buzz comes from shoplifting.
He sees therapist after therapist and gets nowhere. I found a scene where he is given a counter to number his negative thoughts (which he clicks many, many times) quite amusng and sad at the same time.
There looks like light at the end of the tunnel when he meets Sara, an attractive but odd woman and the only person Hudson feels remotely normal around.
His problem now is that he wants her to save him. But the only person who can save Hudson is himself.
Say what you like about Matthew Perry but he is just amazing in this movie and the voice overs give you insight into how he struggles with life. As I said, the movie overall could have been a shade better, there was a lot of potential there, but it was saved by a career best performance from Perry, head and shoulders above any other film role I have seen him in.
Had I seen this at the movies I'd give it about 7 out of 10, but as far as performance goes it's a 10. Brilliant.

Movie day

With predictions of rain (that didn't eventuate) I hired a couple of movies to watch today and had a damn good time.
First up is Disturbia, the very smart thriller starring Shia LeBeouf (left) as a teen who, under house arrest, takes to spying on the neighbourhood and believes a serial killer lives among them.
I missed this at the movies and it was a bad miss because this is outstanding. Admittedly it does take a little while to warm up but it is not only enjoyable it has some great suspense. If you haven't seen it do yourself a favour.

My second film was one out of left-field. A movie that I hadn't heard of but that read well as I was browsing the aisles.

Called Big Eden it was definitely a surprise. There is no one of any huge note in the cast but it focuses on Henry Hart (Arye Gross), a New York artist who goes home to Big Eden (his home town) to look after his grandfather after he has a stroke.

The town is a warm, caring community and I think this puts Henry off kilter a bit. As he stays in the town he rekindles friendships and and old crush and comes to be relied upon by the locals.

All the while he's not comfortable in his skin. He can't let people in and there's a touching scene where his grandfather says `There are so many people here who want to pour love over you if only you would let them'.

Apparently this came out in 2000. It was an excellent film, surprising and warm.

A couple of other quotes struck me (though the context may help more):

- There's so few nice surprises in life. Seems to me that it'd be kind of a shame to squander one of them, don't ya think?

- Listen, you know what they say when you get lost in the woods? If you stay put, stay in one place and don't wander, they'll find you. And I was just hoping you'd let yourself be found this time. I was hoping you'd let us find you. But you keep wandering and we can't.

When you watch a couple of movies that engross or enlighten you it is time well spent. That's what I reckon anway.

Touch My Body

No, it's not an invitation.
It's Mariah Carey's new song, Touch My Body, and it isn't bad.
As a long time fan (I have all her albums and have seen her in concert) I have to say that she is a great singer but whoever is advising her really ought to tell her to put some clothes back on.
I always found her more appealing back in the `wholesome' days where she always looked stunning but managed not to flash everything for the world to see. It may well be too late to go back now, having already sold the farm as it were, but I really don't see the need to be half naked in video clips.
Her songs are very good, mostly, and she didn't need to strip to be successful earlier on. For someone who has always professed a faith, and quite a few of her songs reflect that, it seems a bit hypocritical to be flaunting herself.
Concentrate on the music Mariah, that's my view. She's a beautiful woman and she shouldn't be degrading herself like she is.
My favourite Mariah songs are Hero, My Saving Grace, We Belong Together, Close My Eyes, Through The Rain, Make It Happen, Anytime You Need A Friend and Music Box.

March off

I'm happy to say that day 2 of my holidays is going well.
Sure, I haven't done much and I slept in after staying up late but I don't have to go to work tomorrow so it doesn't matter!
I'm certainly not counting, but with 28 more days off before I have to go back it's great not to be thinking too much about work.
I haven't had this much time off under good circumstances ever so it's a good feeling. Party on.