I got to thinking that in order to overcome some, if not all, of my fears a good start would be to write them down.
While it is an obvious thing, it was only when reading Adam's blog (where he wrote his down) that it occurred to me to do it.
I'm going to be as specific as I can but in no way graphic.
1. Like a lot of people - death.
I guess it isn't so much dying, as that's out of our control, but it is the not existing, the missing out on all the wonderful things that life allows. There's also the lack of closure and I also wonder how I will be remembered. As a kid I was afraid of death, I used to get nightmares and get quite worked up about it even though at the time I had never experienced anything more than a pet passing away (and we had hundreds of cats who didn't realise that living on a busy street could cost them more than nine lives).
2. Illness
Since being diagnosed with a chronic illness some six years ago I have developed a fear of illness - both the chronic illness in question and also of feeling unwell. I got it into my head that if I felt a little sick that it meant something massive, like a recurrence, was going to happen. I became intensely afraid of losing weight to the point where now I actually need to lose some because I never considered what putting it on would do. I'm now essentially living in fear of illness, even though for the last four years I haven't had any major (or even minor) anomaly in any of my tests aside from one thing that is being treated.
3. Love
I try my best to let the people I love know it, and that's in a 'I care about you' way not an 'I'm in love with you' way. And while I'd like a few more people in my life to be the same way the bigger issue is when it comes to letting down your guard and opening up to the possibility that someone can love me. That sounds silly I know. I'm not sure how it got to this point but I'm almost oblivious to it and if someone has come along in the past few years I haven't noticed. It's so far off the radar I wonder if it has been put there on purpose by my subconscious. We all want to feel loved and I am no different but sometimes I wonder if I can feel it at all. And that's something to fear.
4. Magpies
This is an irrational fear, or phobia, but it is one that has stuck with me for a while despite the fact I haven't been a victim for more than a decade at least. This fear tends to keep me indoors a bit in spring. I really need to beat this fear.
Funnily enough, aside from the need for self preservation, most of the things I fear are internal issues. I'm not saying I'm comfortable strolling the streets of Redfern at midnight but few things out in the world scare me. It's all internal, unknown, things that cause the most anxiety. I'm my own worst enemy and this really needs to change.
Now I just have to have the courage to change the things that I can change.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The consistency paradox
Consistency is something I find appealing in a person.
In general, I think consistency in other aspects of life can be dangerous or at least counter productive.
If you're careful you become too comfortable and then resistant to change. Especially when there are areas that need a change, or at least a shake up.
A friend of mine made a comment to me last week, and it wasn't the first time he's said it, that there is a lot of same-ness in my life and it would do me good to change things.
In a way this is very wise. For me, the most important change would be if I can mentally toughen up and resist the negative and worrisome thoughts that come along now and then.
Mental exercise is a lot harder than physical exercise because it is so easy to let a thought run away with you.
As much as physical fitness appeals to me, and I'm not overly good at that, I reckon mental fitness is far more important. That's not to say you shouldn't practice both, because you should and I definitely should.
In general, I think consistency in other aspects of life can be dangerous or at least counter productive.
If you're careful you become too comfortable and then resistant to change. Especially when there are areas that need a change, or at least a shake up.
A friend of mine made a comment to me last week, and it wasn't the first time he's said it, that there is a lot of same-ness in my life and it would do me good to change things.
In a way this is very wise. For me, the most important change would be if I can mentally toughen up and resist the negative and worrisome thoughts that come along now and then.
Mental exercise is a lot harder than physical exercise because it is so easy to let a thought run away with you.
As much as physical fitness appeals to me, and I'm not overly good at that, I reckon mental fitness is far more important. That's not to say you shouldn't practice both, because you should and I definitely should.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Fighter
Yet another film that universal praise had made difficult to approach but thankfully The Fighter gets pretty close to living up to the hype.
Based on the life of 'Irish' Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) and his rise to world light welterweight champion.
Ward has always lived in the shadow of his half-brother Dicky Eckland (Christian Bale) who was a successful boxer before his life deteriorated through drug use.
Eckland took on the role of Ward's trainer but he never realised his potential under his brother's guidance and his mother Alice's (Melisso Leo) management.
When Dicky is thrown in jail and publicly embarrassed through a documentary, Micky is given the chance to sever ties with his family's management and take the shot at a title before it is too late.
Good performances from Wahlberg and Bale, and Amy Adams as Ward's love interest Charlene help keep The Fighter's early documentary-style from completely annoying you until they get into the nitty-gritty of the story.
I have to say Bale was very good in the role that has so far won him a Golden Globe but his character is almost unbearable at times - he never shuts up, is all over the place physically and you just want to belt him. That's probably the point and aside from the fact that Bale has again lost a heap of weight to get into a role (as he did with The Machinist prior to his Batman days) all this will probably win him an Oscar.
Based on the life of 'Irish' Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) and his rise to world light welterweight champion.
Ward has always lived in the shadow of his half-brother Dicky Eckland (Christian Bale) who was a successful boxer before his life deteriorated through drug use.
Eckland took on the role of Ward's trainer but he never realised his potential under his brother's guidance and his mother Alice's (Melisso Leo) management.
When Dicky is thrown in jail and publicly embarrassed through a documentary, Micky is given the chance to sever ties with his family's management and take the shot at a title before it is too late.
Good performances from Wahlberg and Bale, and Amy Adams as Ward's love interest Charlene help keep The Fighter's early documentary-style from completely annoying you until they get into the nitty-gritty of the story.
I have to say Bale was very good in the role that has so far won him a Golden Globe but his character is almost unbearable at times - he never shuts up, is all over the place physically and you just want to belt him. That's probably the point and aside from the fact that Bale has again lost a heap of weight to get into a role (as he did with The Machinist prior to his Batman days) all this will probably win him an Oscar.
Wahlberg was always made to play a boxer - his body has hardly looked any different since his Marky Mark days so it wasn't a real stretch for him to get the physical side convincing. He is an under rated actor at times and while some of his roles are a bit puzzling (e.g. The Happening) he's a pretty solid performer these days.
The Fighter is a very good film, overall. There were things that didn't sit well with me but it is apparently an authentic look at living in a place like Boston and the extended Ward family will both amuse and frighten you.
An 8 out of 10, I don't think it was nearly as good as The King's Speech but, having said that, they were different types of movies. Well worth seeing.
The Fighter is a very good film, overall. There were things that didn't sit well with me but it is apparently an authentic look at living in a place like Boston and the extended Ward family will both amuse and frighten you.
An 8 out of 10, I don't think it was nearly as good as The King's Speech but, having said that, they were different types of movies. Well worth seeing.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Jumping off cliffs
Of course it is a metaphor, but I really need to learn to stop jumping off the cliff when something seemingly minor comes along.
I tend to have a very low tolerance for a few things and when they occur I always head straight for worst possible scenario. And it really does the head in sometimes.
It doesn't help being your own worst enemy when it comes to your mental health, let alone physical. I've found that when the first suffers then the second suffers but, more alarmingly, it is when the second suffers first that it really hits the first. If you follow that logic.
Gotta change.....
I tend to have a very low tolerance for a few things and when they occur I always head straight for worst possible scenario. And it really does the head in sometimes.
It doesn't help being your own worst enemy when it comes to your mental health, let alone physical. I've found that when the first suffers then the second suffers but, more alarmingly, it is when the second suffers first that it really hits the first. If you follow that logic.
Gotta change.....
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Burlesque
I was expecting 'so bad it's good' when I sat down to watch Burlesque but it quickly became apparent this musical was going to be much better than that.
Considering it stars Cher, who despite being an Oscar winner isn't noted for her acting, and Christina Aguilera in her film debut this is a pretty decent surprise.
Christina is Ali, a girl from Iowa who leaves for LA because she didn't want the life of anyone in her home turn. We discover early she can sing, and sing pretty damn well.
When she arrives in LA she looks for a job and at the end of a hard day of rejections she comes across the Burlesque Lounge, run by Tess (Cher), and decides this is where she will find a job.
She befriends bartender Jack (Cam Gigandet, who is becoming a good actor) and lands a gig as a waitress.
Considering it stars Cher, who despite being an Oscar winner isn't noted for her acting, and Christina Aguilera in her film debut this is a pretty decent surprise.
Christina is Ali, a girl from Iowa who leaves for LA because she didn't want the life of anyone in her home turn. We discover early she can sing, and sing pretty damn well.
When she arrives in LA she looks for a job and at the end of a hard day of rejections she comes across the Burlesque Lounge, run by Tess (Cher), and decides this is where she will find a job.
She befriends bartender Jack (Cam Gigandet, who is becoming a good actor) and lands a gig as a waitress.
The club is in financial trouble and when Ali finally puts her voice on display Tess decides she is the ticket to getting the club out of the red.
There are a few excellent songs along the way, including Cher's brilliant 'You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me', and the music overall is simply great.
There are a few excellent songs along the way, including Cher's brilliant 'You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me', and the music overall is simply great.
What appealed to me, particularly early on, is how good Christina looked as the 'girl next door'. Her character had a bit of depth and while she morphed into the Xtina that has been around for the last few years underneath she was still the same country girl.
Cher was playing Cher, largely, but there's something about her that just grabs your attention. The support cast including Stanley Tucci and Alan Cumming is strong as well.
Given Burlesque was written for the screen and isn't based on a musical, like Chicago for example, it stands up very, very well. It's not a screen classic by any stretch but it certainly isn't the 'so bad it's good' movie it has been reviewed as. It's fun, a bit on the camp side, and entertaining. And that's all you can ask.
A 7.5 out of 10.
Given Burlesque was written for the screen and isn't based on a musical, like Chicago for example, it stands up very, very well. It's not a screen classic by any stretch but it certainly isn't the 'so bad it's good' movie it has been reviewed as. It's fun, a bit on the camp side, and entertaining. And that's all you can ask.
A 7.5 out of 10.
Friday, January 07, 2011
Unstoppable
On the surface there isn't much to Unstoppable - runaway train threatens to cause a massive disaster while two underdogs attempt to stop it.
Denzel Washington plays Frank Barnes, a retired engineer who is paired up with a rookie conductor Will Colson (Chris Pine) for his first day of work.
On the other end of the line a rather careless rail employee gets off his 29 car train to switch tracks and stumbles, allowing the train to escape and gather pace. They are naturally on a collision course.
On the other end of the line a rather careless rail employee gets off his 29 car train to switch tracks and stumbles, allowing the train to escape and gather pace. They are naturally on a collision course.
As the tension builds and disaster looms Frank and a slightly reluctant Will take off in pursuit of the runaway hoping to bring it to a stop.
It's a pretty simple premise. In the background is an attempt at having some character development that, perhaps, isn't necessary though it does give both men a reason to want to get through the day and correct what's wrong in their lives.
What this ultimately does is reminds us that there are much more important than the petty things that can drive a wedge between people - maybe that's the reason their issues seemed so silly, to make that point.
I thought the pairing of Washington, who is a seasoned pro, with the relative newcomer Pine (really only noted for Star Trek at this point) worked really well. Their interaction was very interesting, at times humourous, but certainly natural.
I didn't think I'd enjoy this as much as I did - think Speed without a madman running the show, it's just two men versus a bumbling bureaucracy and a runaway train carrying all sorts of potentially explosive devices (described as a missile).
It's tense and the tension is almost constant thanks to an excellent soundtrack. A solid 8.5 out of 10.
It's a pretty simple premise. In the background is an attempt at having some character development that, perhaps, isn't necessary though it does give both men a reason to want to get through the day and correct what's wrong in their lives.
What this ultimately does is reminds us that there are much more important than the petty things that can drive a wedge between people - maybe that's the reason their issues seemed so silly, to make that point.
I thought the pairing of Washington, who is a seasoned pro, with the relative newcomer Pine (really only noted for Star Trek at this point) worked really well. Their interaction was very interesting, at times humourous, but certainly natural.
I didn't think I'd enjoy this as much as I did - think Speed without a madman running the show, it's just two men versus a bumbling bureaucracy and a runaway train carrying all sorts of potentially explosive devices (described as a missile).
It's tense and the tension is almost constant thanks to an excellent soundtrack. A solid 8.5 out of 10.
I'd like to.....
I've been thinking about some of the things I'd like to do this year.
In one way or another they represent a challenge but I think potentially all are very positive goals.
1. Organise and save up for a trip to Perth towards the end of the year.
2. Lose at least 5kg but no more than 8kg.
3. Get into the habit of going to the gym at least once a week and exercising at least five times a week.
4. Go to an NRL, or AFL, game. (I prefer watching them on TV but I haven't actually been to a game for years).
5. Go to a play or musical at the theatre.
6. See a live band (hopefully someone appealing will tour in 2011).
7. Try opening up to having a relationship.
8. Win the battle with the way my mind can work against me.
9. Be nicer to myself overall.
I think the majority are very much achievable. It's now up to me to put in the hard work.
In one way or another they represent a challenge but I think potentially all are very positive goals.
1. Organise and save up for a trip to Perth towards the end of the year.
2. Lose at least 5kg but no more than 8kg.
3. Get into the habit of going to the gym at least once a week and exercising at least five times a week.
4. Go to an NRL, or AFL, game. (I prefer watching them on TV but I haven't actually been to a game for years).
5. Go to a play or musical at the theatre.
6. See a live band (hopefully someone appealing will tour in 2011).
7. Try opening up to having a relationship.
8. Win the battle with the way my mind can work against me.
9. Be nicer to myself overall.
I think the majority are very much achievable. It's now up to me to put in the hard work.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
The King's Speech
It's a rare occurrence that a movie lives right up to the reviews when it is universally praised. The King's Speech is one of those films.
The film tells the story, which I wasn't aware of, of King George VI (Colin Firth) who is the father of our current Queen and whose rise to the throne was both controversial and stunning.
George, known as Bertie to the family, stutters badly and can't sustain momentum in speech long enough to perform any royal duties without severe embarrassment.
Out of frustration he tries a number of doctors and speech therapists but is unable to overcome his problem.
When Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) comes across an unorthodox Australian therapist Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) things appear to be looking up for George but it's not quite as simple as that.
The chemistry between the lead actors is amazing, their performances are faultless, there is humour and tension and you really feel like they are fully rounded characters. Logue encourages George to be more open and to face whatever it is that is holding him back, that is preventing him from speaking correctly - it emerges that he started stuttering at age five.
Firth is headed for an Oscar here, Rush was again magnificent in the supporting role and Carter was utterly regal, which is a departure for her and I had to question whether it was actually her a few times.
True stories can be hit and miss as far as pulling off not only the era but making the characters appear real. The King's Speech has nailed it in every aspect.
The script is outstanding, as mentioned the performances are spot on (including Guy Pearce) and you'll struggle to see a better film this year. If I do see a better one we could be headed for a first perfect score.
This gets a 9 out of 10 and if I saw it a week or so earlier it would have been the number one film of 2010. However, it has set the bar very high for 2011. An absolute must-see.
The film tells the story, which I wasn't aware of, of King George VI (Colin Firth) who is the father of our current Queen and whose rise to the throne was both controversial and stunning.
George, known as Bertie to the family, stutters badly and can't sustain momentum in speech long enough to perform any royal duties without severe embarrassment.
Out of frustration he tries a number of doctors and speech therapists but is unable to overcome his problem.
When Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) comes across an unorthodox Australian therapist Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) things appear to be looking up for George but it's not quite as simple as that.
The chemistry between the lead actors is amazing, their performances are faultless, there is humour and tension and you really feel like they are fully rounded characters. Logue encourages George to be more open and to face whatever it is that is holding him back, that is preventing him from speaking correctly - it emerges that he started stuttering at age five.
Firth is headed for an Oscar here, Rush was again magnificent in the supporting role and Carter was utterly regal, which is a departure for her and I had to question whether it was actually her a few times.
True stories can be hit and miss as far as pulling off not only the era but making the characters appear real. The King's Speech has nailed it in every aspect.
The script is outstanding, as mentioned the performances are spot on (including Guy Pearce) and you'll struggle to see a better film this year. If I do see a better one we could be headed for a first perfect score.
This gets a 9 out of 10 and if I saw it a week or so earlier it would have been the number one film of 2010. However, it has set the bar very high for 2011. An absolute must-see.
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