I spent an exorbitant amount of money on a new pair of shoes today.
Not normally my thing to top 100 bucks on shoes but it has been done in the name of better comfort for my feet, which have been a bit sore of late.
My shoes are usually fairly cheap (never spent three figures on them before) so hopefully they will prove a good investment. They are tailored to my feet so hopefully I will be able to see some results.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The safety paradox
Why is it that I could walk outside right now and not feel particularly threatened but I can sit in the comfort of home and feel so vulnerable?
Welcome to my world!
A world where, sometimes despite my best efforts, anxiety seems to reign. I can be in a perfectly enjoyable scenario yet feel so many things going on in the body that I have to pay attention. I hate it. And even though that is a very strong emotion I have to stand by it.
Why is it that I can be so easily distracted when everything is great but if you're feeling a bit low or not yourself it can be so hard to snap out of?
One thing I know is that I can't let this thing beat me. I'm not a particularly tough guy, outwardly, but beating off this mindset requires toughness.
People with depression refer to it as 'the black dog' and while I have been through that it doesn't describe how anxiety can get on top of you.
It's kind of like an electrical storm, with random lightning strikes.
I write this at the end of a day that has been a bit of a battle and in the hope that tomorrow is a better one.
Welcome to my world!
A world where, sometimes despite my best efforts, anxiety seems to reign. I can be in a perfectly enjoyable scenario yet feel so many things going on in the body that I have to pay attention. I hate it. And even though that is a very strong emotion I have to stand by it.
Why is it that I can be so easily distracted when everything is great but if you're feeling a bit low or not yourself it can be so hard to snap out of?
One thing I know is that I can't let this thing beat me. I'm not a particularly tough guy, outwardly, but beating off this mindset requires toughness.
People with depression refer to it as 'the black dog' and while I have been through that it doesn't describe how anxiety can get on top of you.
It's kind of like an electrical storm, with random lightning strikes.
I write this at the end of a day that has been a bit of a battle and in the hope that tomorrow is a better one.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Moon
It's a rare treat to see a movie set in space that doesn't revolve around aliens and the like (not that they don't have their place).
Moon is one of these films and it is deceptively simple but terrifically insightful when it comes to exploring human emotion and need for connection.
Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) is nearing the end of a three year contract working on a lunar station that is harvesting energy for use on Earth.
He's missing his family, a wife and young daughter, and occupies himself with solo games of ping pong, gardening, exercise and model building. His only company is a soulless robot named Gerty (voice eerily by Kevin Spacey).
One day Sam heads out to check on a harvester that is faulty and has an accident. When he wakes up things are very different for him.
Moon explores lonliness and the fragility of human life brilliantly.
There are no huge twists in the film but I won't go any further into the plot.
Sam Rockwell is basically the only actor in this film and that's a big responsibility. If he doesn't grab your attention and hold it the movie will fail. Fortunately he shines.
It's great to see a movie with a sci-fi edge that isn't alien obsessed and one that doesn't need special effects (there are basically none) to move the story along.
What Moon has going for it is a great acting performance, good story and something that will make you think when you leave the cinema. It's not the best movie I've seen this year but it is definitely one of the more interesting and gutsy.
A solid 8 out of 10.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Chaos versus control
There's a scene in the classic film Six Degrees Of Separation where two Kandinsky paintings are featured representing chaos and control.
On one side the painting is geometric and ordered, on the other it is vivid and boundless.
They are meant to be contrasting but in reality the two ideas go together so well.
Chaos, disorder, uncertainty. These can all be exciting or scary situations.
Control, habituality, surety. They aren't all they are cracked up to be.
I should know. I've been trying to control things that are out of my control for a very long time and it gets frustrating.
I don't like the idea of randomness most of the time. Spontaneity doesn't scare me but I've always preferred to be prepared.
Have you ever noticed how people who err on the side of chaos seem to be less easily stressed, worry less and seem to enjoy themselves more readily.
Ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do the opposite of everything he normally does? That George is confident and chaotic and gets everything the other George would never have a shot at.
So is it that simple?
I've had a situation at work lately that has bothered me a lot more than I have let on. On the surface it is something that I should just brush aside and forget about but it lingers. I think about it a lot more than I should.
I say I don't care what people think quite readily but, truth be told, I must care a lot more than even I'm aware of. It's part of needing to control things, even if it is subconsciously.
I was faced with a situation today where my phone packed it an and I had the choice of replacing it straight away or sending it away to be repaired. Not knowing if it could be, how long it would take or what it would cost I elected just to replace it. I can't believe that I can't go for a week or two without a mobile phone. Control, see?
I'd love to try chaos as a way of life and see if I can thrive.
Whether the control part of me allows it is another thing.
On one side the painting is geometric and ordered, on the other it is vivid and boundless.
They are meant to be contrasting but in reality the two ideas go together so well.
Chaos, disorder, uncertainty. These can all be exciting or scary situations.
Control, habituality, surety. They aren't all they are cracked up to be.
I should know. I've been trying to control things that are out of my control for a very long time and it gets frustrating.
I don't like the idea of randomness most of the time. Spontaneity doesn't scare me but I've always preferred to be prepared.
Have you ever noticed how people who err on the side of chaos seem to be less easily stressed, worry less and seem to enjoy themselves more readily.
Ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do the opposite of everything he normally does? That George is confident and chaotic and gets everything the other George would never have a shot at.
So is it that simple?
I've had a situation at work lately that has bothered me a lot more than I have let on. On the surface it is something that I should just brush aside and forget about but it lingers. I think about it a lot more than I should.
I say I don't care what people think quite readily but, truth be told, I must care a lot more than even I'm aware of. It's part of needing to control things, even if it is subconsciously.
I was faced with a situation today where my phone packed it an and I had the choice of replacing it straight away or sending it away to be repaired. Not knowing if it could be, how long it would take or what it would cost I elected just to replace it. I can't believe that I can't go for a week or two without a mobile phone. Control, see?
I'd love to try chaos as a way of life and see if I can thrive.
Whether the control part of me allows it is another thing.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Storm win
Much to the delight of my nephew and the dismay of my house mate, Melbourne has won the NRL grand final 23-16 over Parramatta.
It's quite an achievement for a team to make the final four years running, particularly with the salary cap the way it is.
It was above average as far as entertainment and intrigue goes in a game of footy. That's all you can ask for if you don't have anything invested in the game, as far as allegiances go.
It's quite an achievement for a team to make the final four years running, particularly with the salary cap the way it is.
It was above average as far as entertainment and intrigue goes in a game of footy. That's all you can ask for if you don't have anything invested in the game, as far as allegiances go.
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