A story in 10 sentences

Ryan turned, head down and breathed.

Tim followed, stopping him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

''You're not wrong,'' he said. ''It's complicated.''

A deep breath later Ryan faced Tim.

''We'll get through this together,'' he said.

They shook hands, embraced and entered the room.

It was quiet, empty, damp.

Ryan felt nervous but strong.

They sat, well aware of the people staring.

''So what if they're staring?'' he said.

Something new

Sitting there waiting, watching the clock
Thoughts swirling, stomach calm but mind racing
That must mean something....
Wonder has won the battle
In truth there wasn't really a fight
This is something new and something special
Something undefined, something with potential
I wasn't looking for anything
But I found what I could have been looking for
What it is doesn't matter right now
What it could be does
What do I want it to be?

Take a chance

Take a chance
Let down your guard
Try something new
Trust in a stranger
Believe in chance encounters
Satisfy a longing
Give in to temptation....almost

Misled and cheated
Confusing and messy
What to believe?
Distraction, disruption, disinterest
Picture of deceit
Shattered dream of future life
All from taking a chance

Words and Pictures

If I were to say this isn't real it wouldn't make it true
If I tried to deny that something has changed
You could call me a liar
If I could separate thoughts from feelings
If I didn't want to take a chance
You could call me a fool
But I don't see what you can see
And you can't tell when I'm afraid
And you can't see what I see
And I can't help but wonder

What am I supposed to do when words are all I have
How do I explain it to myself let alone the whole wide world
Would a picture make a difference or would it all get confused
Are the words in my head pushing me forward or back
Would a picture tell me something I don't already know
If a thousand words are worth a picture
Then why are some things so unclear?

From one side

From one side you are perfect
Wide eyed, strong and pure
I'm blinded by the light
Stopped by your gaze
When you look and smile and wink
When you give me secrets
Trust is absolute
From one side it's an image
An ideal
Too good to be true but it's very real
It's right there in front of me
Granted definitely not taken
But there's never enough time
Never enough space
From this side I need to get into the race

Where am I now?

One hand says don't second guess
Everything else has already done it
Again and again and again
You're a shot in the arm and a poison arrow
I'm lost in awe and wonder and overcompensation
Sometimes once is too much
Often it is far from enough
My direction has changed so often
In the mind, the heart, the soul, in other ways
It doesn't need to be raised
If I'm not in the game then where am I now
Standing on ground that is shaking
Need you to hold me firmly
Don't send me away
Arms wide open close around
It's warm and comforting but hard to explain
Where am I know if I'm not in the game?

What I see

Straight up and down
One of a kind
Nothing to hide
Nothing to fear
Intense but insecure
Driven to distraction
Strong but weak
Beautiful and rough
Talented inside and out
Cheeky and sincere

Dual touch

Touch.
Distance.
Misunderstanding.
Pointless relationships.
Words without meaning.
Differing views.
Similar thoughts.
Harbouring ghosts.
Travelling in circles.
Tempted.
Resolution but no solution.
Touch.
Comfort.
Symbiosis.
Brotherhood.
More than just words.
Different strokes.
Similar hearts.
Past is the past.
Moving with the times.
Drawn.
Rediscovery.

Understanding

Sometimes you see me but look straight through
It's hard to be in two places
Stuck between me and you
Understanding is easy
There's no strings attached
There's no sky to fall
There's no law broken
There's no picket fence
There's no comfort zone
There's no great release
There's no heavy heart
There's no package deal
Understanding is hard
There's always hope
There's always a dream
There's always fantasy
There's always regret
There's always another time
There's always another place
There's always a healing hand
There's always a stronger man
Fact
Fiction
Dreams
Reality
Wants
Needs
Pleasure
Pain
It's easy to be swept away
The question is, leave or stay?

Randomness II

Look.
Do you notice.
Can't you see?
It's not what you say.
Actions speak.
Intention.
What you do.
Don't you know?
You say what you mean.
No cheap words.
Connection.
Lone wanderer.
Do you care?
Not afraid to touch.
Healing hands.
Devotion.
Who we are.
Where are you now?
The same wavelength.
Sounding boards.
Emotion.
What's inside.
How does it feel?
Strength and weakness.
Rock solid.

All these things are true.

Randomness

Sometimes two steps forward, three steps back.
Mostly one step back.
Settle.
Composure.
Need perspective.
Want calm, serene, divine.
Can't always have what you want.
Desire.
Forbidden.
Reluctance.
Don't ruin it.
Observations.
Words.
I love you.
You too.
Meaningful.
Strong.
Impulsive.
Mortal.
Outrageous.
Nothing to gain.
Enough to lose.
I like to win.
We all want what we can't have.
Impact.
Positive vibes.
Less than arm's length.
Secure.

Life on cloud eight

Another trip down memory lane from my university writings.....it was in response to a Far Side cartoon called Life on Cloud Eight and it was something I could relate to when I wrote this in 1995.

I would have to say that the Far Side cartoon (Life On Cloud Eight) is an accurate summation of what life is like right now. Life is not bad, but there seems to be people out in the world who really know how to enjoy themselves.
It is possible that my interpretation of a `good time' is different to others'. I can say for sure that when my friends think I should be enjoying myself, most of the time I am not.
Skip Ross, an American motivational speaker, says `you have right now exactly what you want'.
Skip was right. I do have exactly what I want, so what's the problem?
I have narrowed down my possible solutions to two: either I am afraid of how I will act or what I would say if I let go; or I'm too concerned with what other people think and spend too much time dwelling on it.
Skip Ross also said `admit that you have a problem'. I have now done that, but I guess the next step is to admit it to the world. Happiness won't appear overnight but I'm confident that it will eventually and until then I will have to settle for life on cloud eight instead.

Looking back on what I wrote then, I can see a major flaw in my thinking. Largely due to a book I am currently reading I can see that by waiting to be happy I'm actually wasting my time. Happiness is a decision and will not come about when all the planets eventually align for you.
I still like that Far Side cartoon, though.

Old writings

I was going through some of my storage boxes from university the other day and came across some old poetry I had written. It is an interesting exercise looking back at some of the things I have written over the years.
By the way, these date back more than 10 years.

Broken Dreams

I'm dreaming broken dreams
I wish that they'd come true
Behind closed eyes everything's fine
A stream of light can be so cruel
My broken dreams are perfect
And life is perfect too
But a single word, a line, a phrase
Said harshly changes the mood
In a world of broken dreams
I'm slowly going mad
How can all I've ever wanted
Turn out to be so bad
I'm dreaming broken dreams
They're always in my head
But what you can see when you look at me
Is what my broken dreams have bred.

Something To Believe In

When you've hit rock bottom, no rope
It's hard not to feel there's no hope
The road ahead in winding and full of holes
That you keep finding
You know you just can't win
And you've lost the will to fight
We all need something to believe in
We all want someone to care
And when life is taking you nowhere
It doesn't even feel good to sin
Without love we have nothing to believe in
I just need something.....