I've been thinking about whether or not I have moved forward in this past year.
Now November isn't the usual time for reflection but about this time in 2006 I did a bit of a roll call on where I stood and concluded that I wasn't overly happy with the results.
Clearly I have taken some positive steps.
Some things that appeared very difficult, seemingly impossible, a year ago are now not only plausible but have been achieved.
What is even clearer is that for every step I have taken in one direction there seems to have been three or four in another direction. At times, not always.
I'm not saying I'm going backwards, more forwards but with detours.
One thing I really feel is missing seems harder to reach.
I was asked by a friend recently if I'd ever had a broken heart. I gave a vague answer, something along the lines of `not in the same way you have', but the truth is that it happens a lot more regularly than I'd like. Probably still in different ways.
I also wonder if I am capable of what is required to sustain such things.
Where to? More forward steps, definitely, but when is not so certain.
Sometimes I feel God is well and truly in control and other times I feel he is not. Today has been one of the days I felt him in control. It has been, largely, a very good day. There has been some disappointment, mainly thanks to my own emotional flaws.
But good days are easy to handle.
It's the not so good days that are a challenge.
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