Stagnation

Something really needs to change.
I've probably said this a number of times of late but never have I felt it so strongly.
I took a small step today by starting my gym program, and I definitely underestimated how hard it would be. Sure, I didn't think it would be easy - and anything that brings about physical change isn't going to be - but it still took me by surprise. Have to say it was very good, though.
I felt similarly to the time I went to a pilates class with a friend and pretty much thought I was going to die for about 15 minutes. It probably wasn't quite that bad - I didn't feel physically sick but I did know I had had a workout.
The plan is to go back on Thursday as other commitments will prevent me from going again tomorrow (and given how the body feels it is probably a good thing that I have a few days rest).
If I can lose between 3 and 5kg by the start of summer it will be a good achievement. And it will give me confidence that I'm doing things right outside the gym as well.
So that's a great step forward, albeit a relatively small one.
But still I feel that some areas of life need to be different. Part of it is in attitude, outlook and purpose.
I don't really know what I want, long term.
Hopefully I can begin to address this problem in the next few weeks, I'm in the process of doing some organisation in that area.
I do know that standing still is no way to move forward.
In some ways I probably don't have the guts to make the change that needs to be made. Certainly not yet, though it has been on my mind for quite some time.
I guess I hoped it would happen naturally. Alas, it hasn't.
That will be reassessed in the near future, it has to be, because I suspect that it is the area that is causing this stagnation.