Talk hard

Communication isn't as easy for some people as it is for others.
Unfortunately, despite the fact that is the industry I work in, outside of work I find communication to be very difficult.
I don't know whether it is that I think I have nothing to say, or whether I don't know how to express it, or if I'm too concerned about what's going on inside my head to be able to articulate it.
Sometimes talking is just not that simple.
I know people who can just talk to anyone. I don't know if it is an innate confidence thing, a personality thing or what it is. Whatever it is it seems I don't have it. Or at least I'm not willing to see if I have it.
There's a move from 1990 called Pump Up The Volume, it stars Christian Slater as a teenager (who looks well and truly in his 20s) who has moved to a new town and has no friends, finds it hard to connect with people and comes across to his parents and depressed and detached.
He starts broadcasting on short wave radio and his on air persona builds up quite a following.
It's easy to talk when you think nobody is listening.
I think this quote from the movie sums up a lot of us:
''We are all really scared to show who we really are. I am not perfect, I have just been going through the motions of being perfect, and inside I am screaming.''

The problem for me is that I'm not a teenager struggling to fit in.
It's true, though, it is the fact that I'm scared that is holding me back. Scared of all sorts of things that make seemingly simple things that much harder.
Talking is hard, even when I try to explain how I am feeling. Even when I am comfortable with the person I am talking with.
It has occurred to me that it might not be external things that are holding me back, but rather an internal fear that changing something is a bad thing. I don't know exactly.
Talk hard. It's a phrase used in the movie that I think is meant to say that you have to just get it out. Here goes.....