The 2006 Raymo awards

It's that time of year when I reveal the top five movies of the past 12 months, the runners-up and the flop of the year.
In total I saw 31 films at the cinema, up on last year and around what I'd say is average for me. Making this job a bit tougher in 2006 is the fact that, according to my list, I gave four 9/10's and four 8.5/10's.

1. Brokeback Mountain
Whether you saw it or not you couldn't escape the hype and controversy that this film caused. You all know what it's about. Both Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were amazing in bringing to the screen the internal struggle of a forbidden relationship that neither really wanted but both couldn't escape. The hype probably cost it a Best Picture Oscar but with or without the statue this was the best film of 2006.
2. Children Of Men
Set in a future, about 20 years ahead, where humans have become infertile and nobody under the age of 18 exists in the world. This remarkable film, with the wonderful Clive Owen and Julianne Moore, is very moving despite its stark look at what life could be like if we all had no hope, or no future. You may need the tissue box. Outstanding.
3. Capote
The story of a period in the life of author Truman Capote where he researched and wrote his famous non-fiction novel In Cold Blood. It features an absolutely flawless performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman, who has always been a very good actor, and one totally deserving of the best actor Oscar. I recall being so captivated by the story and the performance I was disappointed when the movie ended.
4. 2:37
Not for everyone, this small-time Australian film is a different kind of who-dunnit movie. We begin with a suicide of a high school student and head back to explore the lives of six teenagers, all of whom have seemingly good reason to be the one found at the start of the movie. It's quite graphic, possibly too graphic at one stage, and highly emotion-charged. Featuring probably the best quote of the year `sometimes you're too caught up in your own stuff you don't notice anybody else', 2:37 is a worthy inclusion.
5. Match Point
Woody Allen goes to London and produces a fine mystery where the line between love and lust is as blurry as a tennis court's baseline. Scarlett Johannsen almost steals the show as the femme fatale Nora. Regarded by one Empire magazine contributor as one of the scariest films he's ever seen. This was captivating, the acting excellent and the film's point about luck being like when a ball hits the net in tennis was cleverly made.

Honourable mentions: United 93 (chilling), A History Of Violence, Cars, The Weather Man, Superman Returns and The Producers.
Surprise of the year: The Devil Wears Prada. Meryl Streep tears up the screen as a domineering fashion magazine boss. Didn't expect to like it so much. Thoroughly enjoyable.
Flop of the year: Mission Impossible 3. No wonder Paramount dumped Tom Cruise. He took a perfectly fine actor and wasted his talents in an unnecessary sequel. The new James Bond movie did the same thing (genre-wise) but only 10 times better.

The Free Hugs campaign

The Free Hugs thing has been around for a while but I saw the video on TV today and it reminded me of how awesome, yet simple, a concept it is.
Wikipedia has some background on it here.
As a society, even in Christian circles, we have become detatched from others as if keeping a distance is a good way of protecting yourself. I find this pretty hard to deal with. Coming from a place where most of the people in your street know you (and still do even though I've lived elsewhere for over a decade) into a massive, individualistic city like Sydney is a huge culture shock. Something like free hugs makes me smile because we should be outwardly friendly and warm. If you haven't seen the video, check it out.

One Tree gets a full season 4

The CW network in America has decided to give One Tree Hill a complete season 4. Woo-hoo!
After an initial order for only 13 episodes of the fourth season, an extra eight have been added to make a complete season of 21 episodes (even though that's one or two shy of a standard TV season).
The fact that the CW only ordered 13 in the first place wasn't a good sign that the show would progress past that point. While it's my favourite show at the moment I'm not a fan of TV shows going past their use by date and would rather them finish on a high than peter out (e.g. Friends ended well but 90210 died a long slow death).
Having seen up to half way through season 3 so far, the show just keeps getting better. So I won't mind if season 4 is the end of the Hill.
Guess I'll have to wait and see.

Album of the year

Easily the surprise CD release of the year for me, The Fray's How To Save A Life earns the title of 2006's best.
A faultless set of 12 songs with interesting narratives and catchy hooks, How To Save A Life is soft rock with heart.
Everyone would have heard the single Over My Head (Cable Car) with it's infectious sound and chorus.
For me it's the title track that is the big winner.
Other highlights on the album are the deceptive Trust Me with its unassuming start which builds to a big finish; the haunting sounds of Hundred and Vienna; and the soulful Heaven Forbid and Fall Away.
I was fortunate enough to see them in concert in September and they were pretty good live. If you haven't heard the album yet it's worth checking out, you won't be disappointed.
It was going to be a poor year for good music but the last few months saw some really awesome music including CD's from Chris Tomlin, Goo Goo Dolls, Jewel and Snow Patrol.
Honourable mentions: John Mayer's Continuum. A fine collection of bluesy pop which heads in a slightly different direction to his previous release. In any other year he'd have the title.
Jeremy Camp's Beyond Measure: Another excellent Christian pop-rock album from one of the genre's best. The title track is awesome as is When You Are Near, co-written by Lifehouse's Jason Wade.

Some highlights of 2006

With the year ending I've been thinking about what the best bits of 2006 have been.
This is just off the top of my head and is in no way a comprehensive list so it will be interesting to see what I come up with (in no particular order).

• Seeing our church raise enough money to be able to expand its building.
• Getting to know a few awesome Christian guys from my church.
• Seeing The Fray in concert.
• Going to a show at Star City called Stomp!
• Being told on the phone that my nephew (just turned 5) was `too busy' to talk. What makes a five-year-old busy?
• Backing the Melbourne Cup winner (and tipping it to people).
• Getting season 3 of One Tree Hill.
• Getting the job I've wanted for most of the year (despite the current circumstances).

Hmmm, surely more things happened. I'll have to think some more....

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, I thought it was a good change not being so hot!

Five Things

I've been tagged by Jono to reveal five things about me that you may not know.

1. I am a hopeless romantic. Just in case it isn't obvious from the ridiculous number of rom-com's in the collection.
2. When I was at uni I got drunk (seven beers in a few hours) at a friend's place off-campus and drove back to my dorm which was on campus and about five to 10 minutes drive away. I also did a couple of other things that night I'm not proud of. But you only get one revelation at a time!
3. I used to really want to live in the USA and have the `picket fence' house and family scenario. This was based on my two favourite shows as a teenager/young adult, Beverly Hills 90210 and Mad About You. I wanted a wife like Jamie Buchman, a couple of kids and pets, the whole idealistic perfect life - and I guess I still do. I have at least been to the USA.
4. I've only had one speeding ticket since I started driving in 1992 and I wrote a letter pleading first offence and they refunded the fine.
5. I have cried during four different movies in 2006 - twice at the cinema and twice when watching on DVD.

.....and don't get me started on James Bond films.....

Happy Festivus

It's the 23rd of December so it's happy Festivus to everyone out there.
(If you don't know what I am talking about watch the Seinfeld episode called `The Strike' and you'll get it).
Last night a few of the guys got together (a day early) to watch the holy episode and air our grievances, as is the annual custom.

My main grievances were (and are) as follows:
1. Energy Australia/Origin Energy for attempting to disconnect my electricity without telling me that my account had been closed and switched to another provider. Fortunately I was home and was able to sort the situation out and, no-one will be surprised by this, it was a mistake.
2. Channel 10 for not showing One Tree Hill on TV even though it is heaps better than The OC.
3. Work for being a major contributor to my current situation.

I'm not sure if there were any Festivus miracles, although Joe's two bullseyes on the dart board might come pretty close.

The verdict

I've been given next week off, that's the result of the discussion at work today.
I seemed to get through the day all right now I have ten days before I go back and in that time I am hoping and praying things continue to improve.
I went in convinced I needed at least two weeks off and would have taken a month if they'd said so but at the same time they have a point about being at work amongst people as opposed to being home alone.
That, I said, was all well and good if the symptoms were easing. Then I start to think are a lot of the issues related to fear, accumulated stress and anxiety.
I'm pretty confident I'll have a better picture of what's happening after Christmas.

The dilemma

I have a decision to make in the next 24 hours (or just under) and it's not really a huge one in the scheme of things but at the same time I have mixed thoughts about it.
After speaking to the boss this afternoon (I've been working from home most of the week) he has said that if I want some more time off work I should say so tomorrow.
They'd rather me be able to be there full-time as opposed to being in and out like in the past two weeks. And that's fair enough, while I'm appreciative about being able to keep myself occupied at home if I'm going to work I'd rather be there.
Things have improved in the last two days, I'm not ready to leap tall buildings or anything but the signs have been promising. I'd say the next week will be the most telling.
So I have the likely option of saying `give me X amount of time off to recover properly' (it's hard to rest and relax when you're working even at home) or committing to coming back next week but potentially struggling on a daily basis.
The problem is there are no guarantees as far as time of recovery goes.
The smart and probably obvious thing to do is take some time off so work can know what's going on and allow for it.

Altered states

The last few days have been a mixed bag.
My return to work lasted two days (though I did some work from home on Thursday and Friday) and, unfortunately, life has been dominated by wildly differing states of health.
For those who don't know exactly what I am talking about I wrote this on this page back in June explaining what the issue is.
I honestly don't know how I feel. On any given day it can vary from very crummy to reasonably normal and it is very confusing.
Such is the nature of what's going on I don't know how long it will take to right itself. And I don't know what I have to go through between now and then. Trying to go to work as well, so as to give myself something to do, can be tricky but at the same time can be quite fine.
I'm looking for one or two positive signs from the symptoms to give me confidence that it is on the improve and hopefully they will come soon. Having only been treating it with stronger medication for four days I shouldn't expect instant results. But that's the problem, I want instant results.
During the time of doing basically nothing for four days I have taken the time to read passages from the Bible, mainly from James and Philippians about perseverence and some of the Psalms (particularly Psalm 30 which says `weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning').
I've got to say this is really hard, and it's difficult to get into the Christmas spirit. In the light of what I wrote back in June though I know that I will get through it. I am more positive about it than I was the first time, though it still freaks me out and takes an emotional toll, and I think I will learn an awful lot more about it as a result of this time.

Taking a bite out of the shark

You may have heard about this, it's amazing to watch and is comforting if you're not particularly fond of sharks. But, the question is, how to you feel about the octopus now?

Brick

It's a shame I missed Brick when it played at the movies because if I had this film would be a contender for the top five of the year.
On one level this appears another high school movie. It is so not one.
Brilliantly conceived, Brick is an old-fashioned detective/gangster film surrounding Brendan (played by the very under-rated Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and his search for answers to what happened to the love of his life Emily (played by Lost's Emilie De Raven).
He is assisted by his nerdy sidekick/informant The Brain, who is a very interesting character and his association with Brendan is intriguing.
Brendan is trying to infiltrate a gang run by a guy known as The Pin to uncover what happened to Emily.
To say any more would be telling!
I just wish I had known some of this going in. I had high expectations because of four-star reviews and given that, let's face it, it is a weird movie and just the type of movie that I relish.
Perhaps a second viewing is in order, to watch it knowing what I know now could well be a different experience. The setting certainly had me fooled for a while, that's for sure.
So if you're looking for something interesting to watch in your spare time this one is worth checking out. I'd give it an 8.5 out of 10.

Over My Head

Whenever a member of a boy band (or girl band for that matter) releases a solo album it's very often met with skepticism and derision. And usually it isn't nearly as good as what was pumped out by the machine that made the group.
Doing something different, more personal and/or meaningful than what is expected is probably a good start. Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell has come out with an album that is way out of left field.
He's released, a while back now, a Christian album and it's pretty good on first listen.
It's not shallow lyric-wise and you get the sense he really means what he is singing here, that all the Backstreet Boys success hasn't got to him and that his foundation is God and not the world.
The only problem is that I can't get too far into the album because when the track `Over My Head' comes on I just want to hit repeat.
Not too many songs send chills through my body when I listen to them but this one did, and does every time I hear it. I had heard it a few times on radio but when you are really listenening to the words it has more effect.

I'm in over my head
I'm right where I wanna be
I'm so lost within your love
The love that always covers me
So high, so deep, so wide
A strong and cleansing tide
My soul has found a place to rest
I'm in over my head.

I'm not going too far in saying that I rate this song, Over My Head, as one of the best Christian songs, as opposed to worship songs, I've heard and would be easily within my top five of that genre. Check it out.

Listening to....

While I've been doing some work from home and other general computer stuff I've had my very eclectic mix of music playing, with some 474 songs currently on random play.
The last 10 songs to have played are as follows (from most recent):
(Do You Get) Excited?-Roxette
Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
Lose Yourself-Eminem
Walk On-U2
In The Light-DC Talk
Underneath The Stars-Mariah Carey
Trust Me-The Fray
Light-Darren Hayes
I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)-John Mayer
Crazy For You-Madonna

Disappointing

So far so good in the new job (aside from the issue I previously posted on) but I learned some disappointing news today.
I kind of already suspected it. Anyway, some people from my work aren't exactly happy that I have switched jobs. I still work for the same company and at a desk about 10m from my old one.
The feeling is that I have abandoned them and am not a team player. It's not like I went to the competition. It's kind of laughable in a way and disappointing in another.
I signalled several months ago, publicly, that I wanted to make a change and no-one really objected. I'm not overly surprised at the reaction but, since I have been with the company for six years I would have thought they knew me well enough to know my reasons for doing it.
Bottom line, the job is intended to be a bit easier on me. And at the end of the day if work is affecting your health then you have to decide what comes first.
I really enjoy what I do but I know what must come first.
Tonight I went out for a while to celebrate the birthday of Jono, or Mr Urban Stone, who today realised he was not the son of God as he made it to 34! Congratulations.

The big test

All right, so here's how it is.
I'm well over 90 per cent confident that I am experiencing a relapse, or flare, of the thing I've spent the last year and a half being intensely afraid of.
It has crept up on me a bit though, as some may now I have suspected it to be responsible for some of the tough times recently. It seems the spark, or trigger, of it was the meltdown (or whatever the heck it was) of about a month ago which caused me to take the sick leave.
So now the battle begins properly to try and beat it back into submission. Like everything else there is no quick fix, unfortunately.
I've managed to work the last two days which has been good and the new position is far less stressful than the previous one so long term it is looking pretty promising. Short-term of course this recurrence couldn't have come at a worse time.
As you would be aware it is just shy of Christmas and people have holidays planned and if I'm not there as well that causes more problems. I'm getting ahead of myself of course, as I fully plan to be there tomorrow unless I feel about the same as I do now (which on one hand isn't too bad apart from the semi-regular growling sessions my stomach has and a few other little things). At the start of the day I felt okay but have slid a bit as the day has gone on.
What can you do? Please pray, not only for the illness but for my state of mind, which takes a battering at times like this. I think I'm doing everything I possibly can to help calm the condition but since there has always been a level of anxiety about this it makes it harder.

False start

Well my planned return to the workforce today didn't exactly go as planned.
I hardly slept at all last night and was in no state to go to work. Man it's a long night when you are virtually wide awake.
I eventually got to sleep around 3.30am or so and woke up again about 6.30am. I think during that time I dreamt about sleeping.
Anyway there wasn't any problem as far as work went but I still didn't like staying home. I went to the doctor in the morning (not my usual one as he wasn't working today) and was given some sleeping tablets so hopefully tonight will be much, much better. So we try again tomorrow.
I have to make it through to Thursday when I see my regular GP for an assessment of the medication I'm taking (or not taking at the moment as the case may be).
I'm getting pretty close to asking for a full check-up just to see if there isn't something happening that we are missing.

Trust 101

A great talk tonight from AB and the message (to me) was clear - I am not trusting God enough, or even at all, in times of trials.
Within the space of a few minutes he rattled off two of my favourite verses, both from Philippians, and it served as a timely reminder.
Quite often I find turning to God to be one of the last things I do, a last resort, when he should be number one on the hitlist. Handing over anxiety to God is not easy but it need not be so hard.
We all like to think we are in control of everything then something happens to illustrate clearly that it is not us who is in control but God.

This time it's official...

I really have a new job!
Starting Monday I have been given the assent to switch over and work on Sportsman, a newspaper devoted entirely to horse racing. (The website won't have been updated with me on it). This is what I wrote back in September when I was initially told I could do it before they changed their minds.
While I do have some trepidation about the early start the positives are an early finish and the return of a conventional weekend. I think (and hope) the early start will get easier as I get used to it. Plus, I was told a while back that all the world's great thinkers were early risers.
Regarding what I said yesterday about getting what you wish for, that I think was a knee-jerk reaction. I've wanted to make the switch for a while and I shouldn't backflip just because I have doubts. Who knows, change is supposed to be a good thing with new challenges.
Anyway, here goes!

Casino Royale

As a rule I don't like Bond movies.
But, partly because I had nothing better to do, I went into the re-boot of the 007 franchise not expecting much and being slightly surprised.
Now I am not going to suddenly become a Bond freak - Casino Royale wasn't that good. But at the same time it wasn't bad. The thing is it just wasn't a great movie.
Sure it's entertaining, lots of gratuitous violence and unlikely situations but, hey, that's what you expect from this type of movie.
I do have to say that Daniel Craig played a more working class Bond than previous actors and I think that was a good move. It made this more of a `new' movie than just someone trying to look like the previous actor in that role. (That scenario did work for Superman Returns but I wouldn't like to see it happen regularly).
If you're in for a 150 minute session of pure escapism and ridiculous fun then lap Casino Royale right up. If you're a more discerning movie goer life won't be any worse if you give it a miss.
Basically, with Casino Royale it's what-you-see is what-you-get. A 7 out of 10 for me. Not great but entertaining and that's worth a bit extra. I certainly liked it more than Mission Impossible III.

Myofascial release

In the spirit of trying something new, I had another session of myofascial release (remedial massage) today and it was a much different experience to last time.
This time it was a much harder (and slightly more painful) massage the benefits of which won't be known until tomorrow I'm guessing.
I'm probably going to have acupuncture again this weekend as well.

Careful what you wish for

Well I'm due to go back to work on Monday in the new role I was hoping for a while ago.
In the end I got what I wanted and can switch over to the Sportsman. Only now I'm not sure that's what I wanted.
I'm going in for a meeting tomorrow to sort out what's going to happen. The sticking point for me is the 7.30am starts. Now I know there are a lot of people out there who start way earlier than that and would wonder what I'm concerned about.
It's just that the mornings can be a bit tough on me from time to time. It's not a general rule but if I feel dodgy it's usually first thing.
So we'll see what happens tomorrow, hopefully something can be arranged that pleases everyone.

The Ultimate Indulgence

An update from mission, here. Apparently what happens when you try to take a bunch of women out of a room of chocolate. Or something like that!

Miscellaneous

A few things to report:
I can't believe Australia won the cricket today. How England let it happen is beyond me but it seemed like they tried to play out the final day and self-destructed. The big question now is how the heck did we lose the Ashes in the first place?
I'm planning a trip to the Hawkesbury races tomorrow. Never been out there before and it looks like it's going to be a nice day so it should be a good experiment.
Speaking of experiments, I'm in for a change of medication next week. But first off I have to be weaned off the first lot, go a few days on nothing then start the new stuff. It's clear that what I have been taking hasn't been working.
Still on medication, I've also upped the CD medication to some stronger stuff for a few weeks, the thought there is to hopefully ward off what I feel like is an impending relapse. I hope I am wrong but if I'm not I just hope I caught it in time. I'd appreciate a bit of prayer for this.
I have one more week before I go back to work. On one hand it seems a bit daunting but on the other I'm looking forward to it. I've never had this long off before!
When I get back to work there has to be some changes. I have been told to make lifestyle changes and work is a large part of that. Hopefully they will be receptive. The good thing is that I've been saying I need to change things for a couple of months so it won't come as a surprise.

Craig and the Door-knocking

While on church mission in Bathurst, Craig tries his hand at door-knocking, read here. I am not a big fan of it myself but it seems Craig has had a good experience.
I'm not surprised he got a lot out of it, Craig has always been good at talking to people, from what I can see.
He'll be blogging on the Anglican Media site while the team is away on mission.

Wham! - I'm Your Man

One of my favourite songs of the 80's - it's I'm Your Man by Wham! Caught it on the weekend during a George Michael special. I can't believe I don't have a best-of Wham in the collection. Will have to do something about that. I know this is daggy 80's bubblegum pop but it's just so catchy. I bet most of you who are my age know the words....`if you're gonna do it, do it right, right....'

New Labor leader

Well, unsurprisingly, Kevin Rudd is the new leader of the Australian Labor Party.
He seems an unlikely, or at least not obvious, choice as leader as he doesn't have the fiery disposition you often see in political leaders.
Now I don't spend any time watching parliament question time so I may well be wrong but having met Mr Rudd once I think I'll stick with my initial statement.
Last year he was one of the guest speakers at Christians In The Media's conference. What hasn't come out so much in the articles about Mr Rudd is his Christian background and it will be interesting to see the response if/when it does.
It's always hard for an opposition to overcome leadership turmoil less than a year before an election but you never know. The next election will be a big test for the government's controversial IR laws and it will see an election win as an endorsement of that policy.
So, if you don't like it vote against it otherwise we are stuck with it.

It's A Wonderful Life

``Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.''

It's one of the world's most loved films and until last night I hadn't seen it. What an oversight!
I am of course talking about the 1946 classic It's A Wonderful Life , the story of George Bailey, an ordinary man who didn't realise the extraordinary effect he had on people. Seemingly everything he wanted to do in life was thwarted by one thing or another and as a result he didn't get to live out his dreams. At the end of his rope he decides he is worth more dead than alive and seeks to resolve his problems in that way.
Fortunately there are a lot of people who care for George and a barrage of prayers leads to God sending an angel to earth to make him see the mistake he is about to make.
Despite its age (now 60 years), It's A Wonderful Life stands the test of time because, simply, it is a timeless story. When George finally realised what he was about to do he became a changed man and when the townspeople began filing into his home to help out a friend in trouble, well, it was too much for me. I think I disguised it pretty well from the friends I was watching it with but it brought me to tears.
I still get a bit choked up thinking about it. Apparently you can buy it for five bucks at the moment and I'd say that' s a pretty amazing bargain and one I will be taking advantage of.
I can see why people love this film and why they make it an annual tradition to watch at Christmas time. I think I will join them.
If you haven't seen it, rush out, watch it now. You won't regret it. For me, it made me think that, even though most of the time I don't realise it, I have a wonderful life. Sure, there are problems and troubles, but there are many blessings.
Some more memorable quotes:
`Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?'
`Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.'

The Prestige

After a small hiatus (for no real reason) from the movies I saw the much hyped The Prestige today. That might well have been the problem, the hype that is.
With a stellar cast including Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Scarlett Johannson and the always wonderful Michael Caine how can you go wrong?
I can't put my finger on it really, everything added up to a winner but perhaps I wasn't counting right. Jackman and Bale play rival magicians with Jackman's character fuelled by an obsession with finding out Bale's secrets.
Secrets, that's what it's all about.
Perhaps there were so many twists and turns that the film-maker, Christopher Nolan, told you exactly what the big secret was.
It was slow in parts which gave me more time to work out what was going on. And that's the problem, I worked out what was going on.
Look, I'm not going to bag the film. It was a well made movie, interesting although a shade too slow for my liking, and the acting was excllent, particularly from Caine who also narrates the film. Perhaps expectations got the better of me. A disappointing 7 out of 10 but I wouldn't talk anyone out of seeing it.
Footnote: This mini-review of the Prestige is my 200th post - woo-hoo!

80's greats

During my flicking while having breakfast I came across the top 25 songs of 1986 (I didn't watch all of them). But one clip caught my eye. It's Samantha Fox's Touch Me (I want Your Body). If you want a flashback then watch the video.
Others in the countdown were We Built This City by Starship, Funky Town by Psuedo Echo and Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer.

Ikea

I had my first experience of the Ikea store down at Rhodes today.
And, excuse me I need to buy a vowel because O my God! I'm sure most people have been into an Ikea store, you know where you have to walk around in a particular direction. And there's all this amazing stuff that looks too good to go at your place.
It kind of reminds me of Fight Club where Edward Norton, talking about how he has bought everything out of this trendy catalogue, says `you start to think about what kind of coffee table defines you as a person' (or something like that).
Anyway, my amazement aside, for the record I bought a DVD cabinet and a rug.

All in the mind?

I'm beginning to wonder whether a lot of my troubles at the moment are all in the mind.
The strange thing about it is there doesn't seem to be a reason. Am I worried/stressed/anxious about the fact that I feel run down and tired?
Does that cause the occasional tight feeling in the chest or sporadic rushes I feel in that area.
I saw a Chinese doctor today and he concluded that there was unlikely to be any structural problems but said my pulse was fast and a shade weak. He suggested movement and I might well go for a session of acupuncture in a couple of days.
He also suggested getting an ECG just to make sure there's nothing wrong, while I haven't had one for quite a while I would have thought the blood tests and physical check I had about 10 days ago would have raised a flag if there was something there.
The thing about anxiety is that it can be a vicious circle and you can become anxious about being anxious. This is what is leading me to believe it's all in my head.

Coming home

It's hard to believe it's been a week but tomorrow I head back to Sydney.
It has been an interesting time, filled with ridiculously hot weather (about 39 degrees yesterday), not a lot of activity and what I think has been several bouts of anxiety.
I have done a few things to try and curb the anxiety including a couple of really good sessions of remedial massage. The first one was on Friday and made me feel really good for about a day and a half until Sunday's unpleasantness.
Another session today hopefully will see some improvement. I was told that I probably needed a third to see things improve even more. So I'll look into that when I get back.
The weather has been the hardest to handle, it's such a dry heat and it saps the energy right out of you. Fortunately the nights haven't been as bad as they can be with the temperature cooling off a bit, at least enough to get some sleep.
I've watched all but one of the 12 season two episodes of Love My Way and the standard is as I expected. I've also watched four more new episodes of Lost, which just leaves me wanting more but I have to wait until next year to see what happens. The other show that I have sampled has been Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, which stars Matthew Perry. It's not a comedy exactly from what I have seen but looks promising, although the first episode was a bit slow.
I can't say whether I have fully recovered yet, probably not, but hopefully the improvement can continue and I can get a handle on the pesky anxiety symptoms. See ya soon.

Love My Way

I've just purchased season 2 of the outstanding Australian drama Love My Way for my viewing pleasure in the coming week.
If you haven't seen it, it is probably because Love My Way isn't shown on free-to-air TV and is exclusively housed on Foxtel. This is one of the great oversights by Australian TV, that easily the best drama series since The Secret Life Of Us isn't available to everyone.
I won't spoil the plot of season 1, which was amazing, and I can't spoil the the plot of season 2 because I haven't yet seen it but I am very much looking forward to it.
I have been challenged to give The O.C a go and I'm not entirely sure. This is mainly because I am so convinced I won't like it.

The good news

Well the good news is that the blood tests showed nothing seriously wrong that we didn't already know about. So I've been instructed to go and enjoy my break and I should be back to 100 per cent.
That is excellent. I wasn't particularly worried about these tests but it's always good to get an all clear. I've just been advised though to ensure I don't go so long between breaks next time.
Anyway I'm heading out of Sydney tomorrow for a week. I may well go somewhere else as well but first priority is to get away from the madness here and into a much quieter environment.
There's something to be said for being able to go all the way across a town without hitting a traffic light - that is the sort of serenity ahead.
Also it is my nephew's fifth birthday on Wednesday so it will be great to be there for that since the only other time I've been around on his birthday was the day he was born. Man they grow up fast!

Mixed blessings

I had rather a pleasant day over at a friend's place for most of the day, chatting, having lunch outdoors and watching some classic Friends episodes for a laugh.
Just what I needed. Despite feeling like I'd been hit by a bus when I got up this morning the day turned out to be good on the whole.
I called into work late in the day to tidy up and stuff at my desk and had an unpleasant conversation with one of the guys I work with. I can't believe all he could think about was how me not being there affects him. When you've worked in the same place for a long time you'd think some level of care would be evident in the people you work with. I wasn't happy to say the least. The last thing I want to do is be made feel bad about needing a break.
Then I went to church. I can't remember the last time I went and left smiling and not feeling frustrated and uncared for. It's hard enough dealing with everything that's going on. Maybe I should have went to Hillsong, while the sense of being uplifted from there tends to be artifical I'd have been happy to accept that.
I just get the sense people are sick of hearing about the health issues, and I definitely got that sense tonight. That was disappointing. I'm certainly not having fun living with these things and would give anything, almost, to not have to handle it.
Perhaps all this is coming out of the frustration of feeling worn out and will pass in time.

A Trooper

Stuff me mushrooms! Over at Urban Stone Jono has started his top 5 crap movies with a doozy.

By the way, I have comment moderation turned on. Feel free to comment on anything and everything and be rest assured I am not that picky, just a couple of bothersome contributors have forced me into taking this action. I'll advise if and when I turn it off.

How to get your groove back

As of today I am on enforced leave. Enforced by my doctor who concluded much of what I suspected a while back, that I am exhausted and run down and need a break.
So he gave me one. I've never taken sick leave before but as of now I'm on two weeks leave which overlaps with my annual leave that is supposed to start in about 10 days.
I'm not sure where I stand with that and will find out on Monday but I am assuming that means I have three weeks to recover, relax and recharge.
I've got to say it is a big relief. I feel physically exhausted and mentally/emotionally I'm just about at the end of the rope. There has been too much stress, both from external forces (i.e. work and other issues) and from inner forces (like health issues and anxiety).
So I've been told to stop.
Well being is by far the most important thing and hopefully now I can start to unwind a bit, sleep properly and heal.
I've acted quickly and planned a trip away for a week starting in a few days time after some things are taken care of (blood tests and signing off on the sick leave at work).
I don't think I have gone so long (it's been about seven months) without getting out of Sydney for a while and it's important that I get away from the rat-race. It really does get to me some times.
I usually feel bad about being away from work, even when I am unwell, so I have to let go of that. Priorities have to be looked at and plans put in place to ensure this doesn't happen again.

Trusting in tough times

The question was posed over at 10,000 Words about how can we resolve to trust God when times are tough.
I think I know something about this subject.

Times have been tough for a while now. There have been some good times but the hard times seem to be always lurking. It's easy to point the finger at God and say `you did this'. It's so easy I reckon I could confidently say we've all done it at some point. It's at the heart of the question most non-Christians, and some believers at times, can't help but ask - why would God allow bad things to happen?
I did my share of finger pointing a while back but at the end of the day God didn't cause my problems. In every way though he offers solutions. They aren't always easy to see though.

1Peter4 says `do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ'.

Most of the time I'm in pretty heavy denial about the trials I have faced lately. I won't always admit that but it's all too true. I guess that hasn't made it easy to overcome them. But if I don't trust that God is working in my life then what point is there? That's the way I see it. Giving up is not an option. It's tempting but if the alternative to fighting is losing then you have to fight.
That's way easier said than done though, and don't let anyone try to tell you it's easy.

Trusting God isn't as easy as trusting a person, I think. You can tell, eventually, if a person isn't trustworthy. God is there for the long haul and is ultimately working for your good so I have to have a bigger picture view of God as opposed to a friend. God gives you strength beyond what you believe capable, and he has shown me some amazing things during my times of trial. Things that you could put down to coincindence I guess but that were certainly not chance events, in my view.

I like reading James when times are tough. I don't always turn to it like I should.
James 1:2-6a`Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks he must believe and not doubt...'

I don't claim to have all the answers. I don't even claim that I seek God's help first. I wish I was that disciplined. But I am human and am flawed. There are a few songs I like to play to remind me about God's grace and how we should depend on him at these times. Songs like My Saving Grace and Hero by Mariah Carey, Chris Tomlin's Indescribable, Made Me Glad by Hillsong (you are my strength, my shield, my portion, deliverer etc), and several Jeremy Camp songs In Your Presence, Nothing Else I Need and a couple of his recent ones Beyond Measure and When You Are Near. A couple of Delta Goodrem's songs, Be Strong and Electric Storm and Shannon Noll's Lift, Savage Garden's Crash And Burn also have that effect even though they aren't Christian artists.
If you just trust God when times get tough though you're only giving him half your heart. God wants to rejoice with us in good times as well.

Disappearing

It's all for a good reason
That's what I tell myself
It's hard not to listen
When you're the only voice around
All in the mind
Out of reach, protected
Disaffected
They come and they go
You learn to adapt
It comes down to what you believe
People always leave
Give it time
Have some patience
They always come back
When all is well
Sometimes it's so hard to see
Even harder to believe
I know I'm not invisible
But am I disappearing

The Simpsons movie

Caught the trailer for The Simpsons movie the other day.
It didn't show you much but what it did show was pretty funny. The release date isn't until July 27 next year so it's safe to assume there's a bit to be done yet.
The bar is awfully high for this film, given 18 seasons of hilarity on TV. I note season 9 is close to being released.

Time out

The last few days have been interesting.
I still don't feel 100 per cent and am beginning to think it's not just a bug. While the system seems to be working properly again I'm not convinced it has passed. Perhaps that is just me being overly cautious and too worried.
Unfortunately with this kind of thing it is a little hard to tell most of the time, unless there is some obvious sign. At least today I have been able to eat somewhat normally.
Tomorrow will tell me a lot, I think, as I go back to work (touch wood). I'd like to believe that all this is because of burn out, exhaustion. I've only got a week and a half until my holidays and hopefully I can hold out until then.
In the meantime I have been trying to relax. Today I had massage, which was awesome, and I watched Cars again. It's a really great movie and very touching as well. I've also rediscovered Joey, which will never be as good as Friends but I still find it pretty funny.

Snow Patrol

On the recommendation of a friend I picked up the latest Snow Patrol CD, called Eyes Open.
I don't usually buy music sight unseen, or in this case unheard, but I've got to say I like what I hear. Until recently I'd never hearc of them but apparently they have been around a while and Eyes Open is far from their first release.
They're from Northern Ireland and have been described as somewhere between U2 and Coldplay and while I won't buy into that I think that is the ball park we're talking about.
On first listen I love the song `Make This Go On Forever', it's very anthemic. I suspect this CD will get better with more listens.

Coming soon...

Thanks to my US correspondent, season 3 of One Tree Hill (and its attractive blue cover) is on its way to me. Hopefully I should take delivery by midweek or so. Can't wait to get back into it, it's addictive.
I've gone back to season 1 as far as viewing in my downtime, since I've finished 90210's first season. (Just on that, it was great going back to the mother of all high school drama. Bring on number two).

Just for a laugh, the Simpsons of course

One of the funniest clips from the Simpsons, from the epsidode `Lisa Gets An `A'', where Homer makes a grave discovery involving his pet lobster, Pinchy.
What unfolds is classic Homer. Enjoy, I think we all need a laugh!

Sad day

I was saddened to hear of the death of Belinda Emmett, who was just 32, from cancer.
It shakes you up when you realise that people around your age aren't invicible and that these sort of things do happen. It still doesn't seem real.
I didn't know her but she was a public figure and seemingly a very good person. It's an immense shame that this has happened.

On another gloomy note (gee aren't I full of good news today), my mother is back in hospital from what appears to have been angina.
I won't find out the results of a few tests that she had until tonight but when I spoke to her this morning she seemed in good spirits. I don't like getting late night phone calls with this sort of news but I guess it is better than finding out the next day, which has happened a couple of times. I think she went back to work too quickly after the last time.
Please pray that she recovers well and can relax a bit. And that I can relax a bit, I'm not liking all the stress at the moment.

Everything: you've heard me rave about it, now listen for yourself

Thanks to the wonderous YouTube you can now listen to the song, Everything by Lifehouse, that I have been going on about on this blog for a while. It's not a video clip as such but the lyrics do scroll across as the song plays.
So if you've got six minutes to spare, sit back and be drawn into what I see as one of the most powerful worship songs I've ever heard.
And let me know what you think.

Downloads

I've just finished listening to last week's sermon from 1 Peter 3, that you can find here having not been able to make it to church last weekend.
It's one of the great things about technology though it doesn't quite make up for being there in person.

Too much detail

I've just returned from the doctor after being struck down by a bug - and I feel pretty crummy at the moment.
It's the kind of bug that has me concerned about the possibility of a relapse.
Fortunately, at this stage, it appears to not be that. I raised the question with the doctor and she said, after some examination, that it was her view that it is just a bug. Hopefully it can settle down quickly, I hate feeling like this.
I suspect I will know in a day or two whether it is one or the other.

Revelations

Something occurred to me the other day.
I was reading an article about climate change and global warming and it struck me that the things I worry about are nothing. Nothing, that is, compared to what people might have to deal with in 50 to 100 years time.
In some areas of my life I am so afraid of change, despite having denied that fact at least once this year. I have become so accustomed to life as it is now that it seems like I've moved myself into this comfortable little corner. The problem is that it is suffocating.
That's a gloomy description, I know. But I have spent far too much time in damage control. Something has to happen and happen soon. I can't allow myself to be dominated by, if you know what I mean, internal (physically) stuff that I have very little control over.
So while I am sitting around just making sure that everything is under my control another year has slipped by. 2006 has only six or seven weeks to go and, at this stage, 2007 is looking pretty much the same as the last.
Surviving is no good if you aren't living and I've allowed my boundaries to get so cramped that most of the time that is all I am doing. Make no mistake proposing any kind of alteration to the status quo is very much easier said than done.
I can't just all of a sudden become reckless.
But it's a little tough to think about stepping off a ledge when you're not sure that someone will be there to catch you.
I just don't want to be sitting at my computer in November 2007 and wondering what happened to the year and why I didn't do one thing or another.

Beyond Measure - the review

Jeremy Camp delivers his new CD, Beyond Measure, and it doesn't disappoint. Personally, I didn't think it would be below par because everything he has done to date has been awesome.
On his fourth album he delves into some personal material, particularly on the title track Beyond Measure, a song that reminds us that we should be grateful for all God has given us.
`I've faced a great tragedy, but have seen the works of what you bring, A display of faith that you give, I don't know if I will ever understand the depth of what it is you've done inside, but I know I won't find any worth apart from you''.
On one and a half listens my favourite tracks are Beyond Measure, Everything, Tonight, What It Means and When You Are Near, which very interestingly was co-written by Jason Wade of Lifehouse.
Once I saw that writing credit my expectation shot up and the song didn't let me down. I was kind of hoping that the track Everything was a cover of the Lifehouse song, I'd love to see someone like Jeremy Camp, a recognised Christian artist, do a take on my favourite secular Christian song.
The verdict is simple, if you like Jeremy Camp you'll definitely like this CD. If you haven't heard of him before you've got to start with the Stay album, it's a ripper. (Not that this one isn't a good example it's just hard to vigorously recommend something you've only heard once all the way through, at this stage).
Now all we need is an Australian tour....

The Manamana song

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. We all know how it goes, just sit back, sing along and have a laugh.

Melbourne Cup

With just a couple of days until the great race I present my thoughts on who will win, in my opinion.*
Having tipped the last three winners of the Cup (the same horse each year) there is some pressure to make it four in a row. This will no be easy task because I think it is one of the most open Melbourne Cups in many years. I also think there is a good chance an international racehorse will win.
So my tips are:
1. Yeats
2. Delta Blues
24. Efficient
18. Art Success
Yeats is an Irish horse who is rated as a much better racehorse than Media Puzzle and Vintage Crop, the only two foreign horses to win the Cup and both Irish horses. I think if he has settled in well and gets away okay he should be in the finish, he is too good a horse not to show up somewhere.
Delta Blues is a Japanese horse who ran third in the Caulfield Cup. His 3200m form is excellent and I think he should run very well.
Efficient is a three-year-old and will be having only his seventh race start on Tuesday. He won the Derby on Saturday like a potential champion and even though the last of his age to win the Melbourne Cup was in 1941 I think he has an outstanding chance.
Art Success is my longshot. He won the Brisbane Cup this year and has been going fairly well. I don't think he can win the race but almost every year a longshot runs a place and he could be the one this year.

* I don't actually know who will win, I'm neither a psychic or any kind of visionary, and if I did I wouldn't tell the whole world or need to have a job!

The Diva

"Go and find the smallest child on this course and there will be the only example of a person who will live long enough to see that again. '' - Lee Freedman

I've been fortunate to see some great racehorses over the last 10 years or so but count myself even more fortunate to have seen Makybe Diva.
The above quote was from the trainer, Lee Freedman, who said those words when interviewed shortly after the mare won her third consecutive Melbourne Cup.
He was spot on. But he could have gone further because that will never, ever, happen again.
The Diva: A Champion becomes a Legend is the DVD telling her story and having just finished watching it I can say she was truly something special.
Non-racing people wouldn't really get it, but for me seeing a horse like her do what she did on the racetrack is breathtaking. Every time I hear the race call of the 2005 Melbourne Cup I almost choke up, it's where the DVD's title comes from - `and a champion become a legend'.
The DVD is actually quite good, although it doesn't have the interview with Freedman where he makes the remark I have quoted or the announcement of her retirement in the acceptance speech. These are small things but I think they would have added to the story.
Tuesday (that's Melbourne Cup day) won't be quite the same without the Diva.

The top five crap movies I love

This is an interesting concept started over at Urban Stone where the challenge is to name the top five movies that you love but can admit are crap.
Now according to some people I should have many movies to choose from as apparently I see a lot of crap films. Then there's the theory, which sounds better to me, that I don't see crap movies.
You decide for yourself (in no particular order).

1. Dude, Where's My Car? - Two dimwitted guys go on a ridiculous quest for their missing car after a huge night out. With Ashton Kutcher and Sean Willianm Scott as Jesse and Chester this is a really awful film but one which I found so funny I can't tell you. Included are `hot chicks', weird sci-fi geeks, transsexual strippers and gift breast enhancements. I really shouldn't like this film at all but, what can I say - shibby!


2. Dumb And Dumber- Even though Jim Carrey is in this and he has done quality films, this is easily the most ridiculous. Lloyd and Harry go on a cross-country journey to return a suitcase to a woman. That's basically the plot. Like Dude, this a really a dodgy idea but it is brilliantly played and does have many roll in the isles moments. My favourite is the `I'm going to kill you, Lloyd' scene. This is also one of my favourite movies.


3. The Pirate Movie- I love musicals and I really enjoyed this one but it's a very crap film. Kristy McNicol and Christopher Atkins star in this loose remake of the Pirates Of Penzance and it was actually filmed in Australia. The songs are corny, especially Atkins' `How Can I Live Without Her' and the `Happy Ending' bit but I'm a sucker for these type of films. Grease had much more class, as did Chicago and The Producers.


4. I Know What You Did Last Summer - One of the early slasher flicks (I was going to include Scream but have been convinced that it was way too classy) notable for, if nothing else, Jennifer Love Hewitt. A bunch of teens run over a guy on a remote road and leave him for dead by tossing him in the ocean. A year later someone is out to get the foursome, one by one, with a fisherman's slick and a hook as the scary elements. I'm not sure how it holds up now as I haven't watched it in a while. An ordinary film but strangely fun.


5. Spiceworld - yes, it's the Spice Girls movie. It's really, really bad. The movie follows the Spice Girl and their entourage as they go on a quest to become pop stars, or something like that. Meat Loaf is actually in this film as their bus driver. I can't really explain myself here, I guess it's just one of those inexplicable things. I actually own this on video. Go figure.

Beverly Hills, 90210

My favourite show as a younger person and still the benchmark for the high school drama, despite my love of One Tree Hill, is Beverly Hills 90210.
Go on, admit that you used to watch it!
Well season 1 gets a DVD release today and I'll be heading out to get a copy later today. I can't wait to get back into it. The void of decent TV actually on TV will no longer be there.
I always thought 90210 was unparalelled for about the first six seasons until Shannen Doherty left, then it started a downhill slide. But up until then it was compulsory viewing and you didn't care that they in no way looked like teenagers (particularly Luke Perry).

Also out today is `The Diva: A champion becomes a legend', the story of three time Melbourne Cup winner Makybe Diva. Out just in time for Cup week.

Godfellas

I was watching Futurama this afternoon (while I was doing my ironing) and it was what I think is the best episode, Godfellas.
The episode surrounds Bender (pictured), he is catapulted into space and goes on an `endless tragic voyage'. It's great stuff. Along the way he runs into an asteroid field and something collides with him and sticks onto him.
It turns out it is a small society and they take to their `metal Lord', one guy in particular, named Malachai communicates with Bender regularly.
Bender gives commandments, well one commandment, that his people build a brewery. It's great to watch as Bender discovers that being God isn't as easy as he thought.
Eventually Bender's interference destroys society and he realises that everytime he meddles something goes horribly wrong. So he decides not to act on everyone's prayers. From there the people take it upon themselves to handle what is going on in the world.
What happens is funny, yet tragic.
Bender then comes across an entity that may or may not be God. He is told that `if you do things right then people won't think you've done anything at all'. That struck me as quite true.
I don't think it is any coincidence that the best episodes of Matt Groening's shows (the other being of course The Simpsons) deal with religion. There's a lot of fun to be had there but I also think that most of the time religion comes up on top.
Bender concludes, once `God' returns him to Earth, that `you can't rely on God for anything' and that you must do everything yourself.
Clearly he hasn't learned anything.

The whole Tooth II

I had a visit to the orthodontist today for some photos and moulds to be taken on my teeth. It's an interesting process and the jelly they use for the mould has a strange taste.
Anyway, it will be another two weeks before I go back for a `treatment plan'.
I have decided, though, in the light of the difficult circumstances created when I had that last tooth removed that I will slow the process a bit.
Basically I think that the disruption that the extraction caused was too big given how it affected the rest of me, which has a tenuous grip on health as it is. So I won't be rushing out to get the next one yanked out in the near future.

Just another update. I spoke to my mum this afternoon and she looks like being released from hospital tomorrow on a new set of medication. It still sounds a little worrying but the fact that they haven't said `you must have an angiogram now' is I guess a good thing.

Powerless

From a distance everything is calculated, smoothe
Look closer
But not too close
What don't you see, what don't you hear
The journey is long and uneasy
The road is short
The steps are many
The feet tire easily
Not just the feet
It's not about will or desire
It's not about truth or lies
It's about power
Confusion, misunderstanding, denial
Assumptions, pressures, failings
Some mine, some not
Some cut deep, some barely scratch
Don't ask, don't tell
Don't worry, be happy
Don't lose control
I'm not in control
I don't know what I'm doing
I don't know who you are
I don't know what is next
Beginnings and endings
Stuck in the middle
Stuck in a circle
It's vicious
It's dictating
It's not that powerful
I have the power
I have some power
I'm powerless

Electrophobia

I've just picked up a new, unplugged, CD by one of my favourite groups (I know that is a broad category) Taxiride.
It's a compilation of their singles, including Get Set, Creepin' Up Slowly, How I Got This Way and Afterglow performed acoustically. Included is a new song, Everything's Changed, which I think is right up there with their best songs. There's also a studio version of that song.
Taxiride is an underrated band who enjoyed early success but seem to have gone missing a bit from the charts in the last couple of years. That's a shame, because they're excellent and even better live.

Unsettled

Yesterday was like any other day then I received a text message from my sister saying to ring when I was home.
With no sense of urgency I stopped in at the shopping centre for a frivolous purchase then headed home. Some 60 minutes after getting the SMS I called home to be told my mum was in hospital after having a heart scare.
See about six years ago, around this time of year, she had a major heart operation which almost wasn't successful. It took a long while for her to recover and get back to normal. She has a massive scar, I am told, where most people have a barely noticeable one by the same stage.
After calling home I called the hospital (in Tamworth) and spoke to her. She was in the ICU department until late yesterday when she went into a ward after being cleared of anything major. As it stands she will be in the ward through the weekend but there is a chance of an early release. I'm told it is only precautionary and she was more concerned about what horses I was going to tip her for her punter's club bets this weekend.
So fortunately it all looks good but it is very unsettling. I don't want to make this about me but it's not good being 500km from your family when something like this happens, even if it isn't considered serious.
It's been a little hard to not think about it and even at the movies last night I was a shade distracted. I guess I'll be happier once she gets released from the hospital.

The Departed

The much-vaunted return to form for Martin Scorsese, The Departed, has winner written all over it from the production, direction and cast yet it just falls short somehow.
With a cast including Jack Nicholson, who is in his usual brilliant form, Martin Sheen, Mark Walhberg, Matt Damon (great to see him in a different role to his usual), Alec Baldwin and Leonardo Di Caprio, if the film wasn't any good you'd have to wonder why.
With the pivotal role of Bill Costigan, the movie's success rests on Di Caprio's performance and he delivers big time. As a fan of his earlier movies like Gilbert Grape and the Basketball Diaries, it was excellent to see him in that kind of form.
I possibly went in expecting a non-stop tour de force that was going to blow me away so that didn't help in the end. The good thing was at 150 minutes the movie didn't feel overly long, and the pace was pretty frantic, so that's always a positive.
While there will probably be Oscar nominations coming from this, the large amount of language was a bit of a turn off. For one or two characters every second word was colourful. I'm not offended as such but wonder how necessary it is. Given the nature of the world in which the movie is set, though, one should expect there do be plenty of expletives.
This film won't rank among the top five for the year but it was well made, very well acted and entertaining. A 7.5 out of 10.

2006 Cox Plate

Saturday's Cox Plate is shaping as a pretty interesting race. I've been on Racing To Win all the way through this spring and I see no reason to jump off. I think he's the best horse in Australia at the moment and a Cox Plate win would prove that estimation.

The field is:
1 Casual Pass N Rawiller (11) 58kg
2 Fields Of Omagh C Williams (7) 58
3 Grey Swallow S King (1) 58
4 El Segundo D Gauci (10) 58
5 Lad Of The Manor D Nikolic (2) 58
6 Honor In War S Arnold (13) 58
7 Our Smoking Joe D Beadman (5) 58
8 Racing To Win G Boss (6) 56.5
9 Apache Cat G Childs (12) 56.5
10 Red Dazzler J Cassidy (3) 56.5
11 Pompeii Ruler C Newitt (9) 56.5
12 Aqua D’Amore K Fallon (8) 56.5
13 Miss Finland L Cropp (4) 46

The greatest race ever!

This week is Cox Plate week, the best race on the Australian racing calendar. It's usually won by the best horse in the country and such champions as Makybe Diva, Northerly, Sunline, Octagonal and Kingston Town (three times) have won it.
But the greatest running was 20 years ago, in 1986, when two Kiwi horses staged an 800m war that was unforgettable. This isn't the best version as far as the race call goes but the race still speaks for itself. In the best call, Bill Collins declares Bonecrusher `races into equine immortality' when he defeats Our Waverley Star.
I still get chills when I see this race.

The Phar Lap mystery

It seems the mystery surrounding the death of Australia's greatest racehorse, Phar Lap, has been solved, see the Telegraph's story here.
It has always been suspected that the horse had been nobbled, murdered, by someone after his amazing win in Mexico. Whether the evidence that has been discovered is conclusive is another thing but if nothing else there is at least something to back up the long held theory.
Phar Lap was the best racehorse ever seen in Australia (it goes without saying that I never saw him race) but the legend has certainly lived on some 74 years after his untimely death.
If you've never seen the movie made in 1983 it is well worth watching. Every time I watch the scene where he enters the mounting yard for the 1930 Melbourne Cup I get chills.
At the very start of the film an interviewer asks the trainer, Harry Telford: `why do you think there has been such a reaction to Phar Lap's death, after all he was just a horse'.
The repsonse is fitting: `He wasn't just a horse, he was the best.'

Burnout?

After a couple of chats at church last night I started thinking about burnout as a possibility for explaining why I feel crummy a lot but not actually sick.
While there have been a couple of circumstances, such as tooth extractions, it seems to make more sense the more I think about it.
So I took an online test and, according to the results, I am a candidate for burnout (see below).

Here's your score:
Your score is = 47
Scores 0-25: Doing Fine.
Scores 26-35: Watch out you are at risk.
Scores 36-50: Candidate for Burnout.
Scores 51-65: You are Burning out.
Scores 65+: Burned out.

Now it's been six long months since my last break from work and during that time there have been periods of high workload and little rest. Then there has been the debacle with switching jobs that was most disappointing. Then when I tried to have holidays they got vetoed. Lots of built up frustration there.
I also find it tough to talk to some people, particularly my housemate whom I guess I expect to understand a bit more than others since I see him almost everyday. I guess I also, wrongly it seems, expect him to offer support. Instead mostly I get some kind of flippant response which may or may not be his way of being supportive. (It should be noted here than my expectation is usually higher than the reality when it comes to this particular thing.)
I don't find it fun on any level to be in this period of unrest where health is constantly either an issue or a concern. Only 4 or so weeks until that much needed break.

Children Of Men

`As the sound of the playgrounds faded, the despair set in. Very odd, what happens in a world without children's voices.'

London, 2027. The world is a very different place to the one we recognise. Humans are somehow sterile and no child has been born for over 18 years. The youngest person on the planet, a celebrity because of that status, is murdered. Refugees are being deported. People have lost hope.
The excellent Clive Owen stars in Children Of Men, based on the book by P.D.James. He plays Theo, a reluctant hero, who is `recruited' by his ex-wife Julian (played by the also excellet Julianne Moore) to escort a woman out of England. This wouldn't be so unusual except the woman, Kee, is pregnant. Also in the film is Michael Caine who plays Theo's friend Jasper, a hippy type who enjoys life away from war-torn London.
You have to suspend disbelief a bit, of course, being a futuristic movie but it is strangely plausible. What would happen if women were unable to have babies. There's a real sense of despair here, you can't help but feel it.
Theo is reluctant to come on board with the mission until he discovers Kee's secret. From there it's them against the world as he tries to protect her and give her safe passage to be rescued by the Human Project, who no-one has seen but everyone seems to know about.
I think everyone will know the main premise of the movie by now and I won't go any further into the plot. What I will say is this is a must-see.
It's not unnecessarily long, as it could well have been, and I don't think anyone will win Academy Awards but it is riveting. It's fascinating to imagine how you would react if faced with a world where there actually is no hope. As Theo says in one seen, `what's the use of all this (excess) if no-one will be around in 100 years?'
I was glued to the chair, I found the film very moving even to the point of having tears flowing down my cheeks and that has never happened before in a movie. At first the film destroys your faith in humanity then, just when you think people can't sink any lower, it poignantly restores that faith in human kind.
Powerful and, as I said, a must-see.
A 9 out of 10 (and I was tempted to go a little higher) and a contender for movie of the year.

Caulfield Cup/ `yeah-nah'

Tawqeet won the Caulfield Cup today and is now favourite for the Melbourne Cup. I think he is a false favourite.
Don't get me wrong it was an excellent win but had circumstances been different at around the 800m mark I'm certain there would have been a different result.
It's a hard one this year, there doesn't seem to be a standout and perhaps it is a year for the international horses to feature more prominently than filling the odd placing.

On another topic, and it's coming up more and more in racing circles, is people using the nonsensical response `yeah-nah' when asked a question. So what is it, yes or no?
For example, did you have a good run in the race? Yeah-nah we had a good run. It doesn't make sense. And it really annoys me.

Big Questions

Michael Jackson — freak or unique? Do you prefer real or fake? At the beach is it Speedos or boardshorts? Who would you choose Angelina or Jen? These and many more of life's big questions will be discussed, fought and determined in the hilarious new series Big Questions which premieres on Thursday, October 19, at 8.30pm.

OK, so it's probably just meant to be light entertainment but what a load of crap Channel 9 served up with it's much vaunted Big Questions show. Basically a panel for each side argues their case and the audience, who I'm sure already made up their mind before a word was spoken, votes.
The questions posed last night, and the winners as voted by theaudiencee were:
Friends vs Seinfeld (happy with this result)
Coke vs Pepsi
Beatles vs Rolling Stones
Sean Connery vs Roger Moore (as best Bond)
Sex or no sex on first date

Surely there has to be a better way to fill in an hour on TV. I quite enjoy 20 to 1 most of the time and the What A Year thing isn't bad either but I just wonder how long this one lasts.

New episodes

Met up with the One Tree Hill crew a couple of nights ago to watch two new episodes from season 3 (still waiting on the arrival of the box set).
So much happened and we realised that it had been far too long since we saw episodes three and four. After getting over the withdrawl we settled in and enjoyed what we saw.
The continuation of the battle between Dan and Deb with a points decision to Dan at this stage thanks to his innovative, yet disgusting, series of photos using Deb's toothbrush.
The new battle between Brooke and new girl Rachel over the cheerleading team and the realisation that some of the cheer girls aren't too bright (who's surprised).
Lucas' battle with HCM and not telling anyone he has it and Haley pressuring him to stop pushing himself or he's `off the planet'.
The Nathan and Chris situation still intrigues and there's so much more with Karen running for mayor against Dan and the mystery of what happened to Keith.
Like my housemate I found it frustrating that, having all this new information, there wasn't anyone to talk about it with the next day. Except him, of course.
Now that the appetite has been revived, we're keen to find out what happens in the rest of the season. Thanks to YouTube I've been dabbling in snippets of film, cheating yes but what choice to I have!

The whole Tooth

I lost another tooth today. It's amazing how large those things are, they're like icebergs.
It's all very uncomfortable at the moment. The bleeding has eased off but there's still a lot of residual blood lying around which I'm told may take a day or two to clear.
Eating is a bit of a challenge and I'm pretty sure soup will be on the menu for tonight.
I'm told it's all for the greater good so hopefully things can return to somewhat normal function quickly.

On a related topic, I seem to be highly unprepared, as I mentioned a while ago, for when trials come. I've known about this one for a while and yet I just want it to go away. I really want all of them to go away for a bit, give me a break.
If it's not one thing it seems to be something else. It's tiring and makes it difficult to persevere, even though I know it's only temporary.
I was told by the dentist that the extraction went very well and there didn't appear to be any sign of something going wrong. It just takes time to heal.
Next week I head off to get all sorts of moulds done on my teeth in preparation for the orthodontic work which will require more extractions - yay!

Top Five

For the sake of posting something, here are my top five songs at the moment. Bit of an eclectic mix but that probably reflects me a little.

1 - Over My Head (Cable Car) The Fray
2 - Lonely-Shannon Noll
3 - Taller, Stronger, Better-Guy Sebastian
4 - Call Me When You're Sober-Evanescence
5 - Who Knew-Pink

The one that stands out among that quinet is Guy Sebastian. I don't usually like his stuff (I'm kind of glad Shannon didn't win Idol because he would have been stuck with `Angels Brought Me Here' which I find very annoying) but this song really grabs me. It's been described as a bit Hillsong but that isn't bad.

For those wondering, I elected to have the night off church tonight. I've been really trying to shake off the virus in the last week or so but being silly enough to work and try and do things I had committed to have prevented that. Plus I have a one day weekend this weekend which makes it harder to relax.

Beautiful Awkward Pictures

Toni Collette can sing!
Granted I have only heard the couple of songs on her single `Beautiful Awkward Pictures' but I was highly skeptical going in. Actors turned singers are hit and miss at best.
I like what I hear.
It's not mind blowing music but really nice to listen to, kind of bittersweet and seemingly the type of music you would put on when you want to relax and reflect. A bit like what he means when John Cusack says on High Fidelity ``I just want to listen to something I can ignore''. I'm not saying ignore this but it's great background music from what I can tell. And I like that kind of thing.
Worth checking out.
There are samples at the Toni Collette And The Finish website.

If the Simpsons were real...

What if the Simpsons were a real life family?
OK, so there are a few errors in here but it's pretty close to the mark. Enjoy

Beyond Measure

Hot on the heels of the new Chris Tomlin CD (which I am loving) is the latest from my other favourite Christian artist, Jeremy Camp.
Beyond Measure is his fourth CD (including the Carried Me worship CD) and is by all reports true to form.
Here's a quote from Jeremy Camp about the new album, posted on his myspace site.
``This album shows even more what God has done in my life than Restored. Its a little more personal to me, more like Stay, but musically and vocally it is leaps and bounds above both. This album is so diverse, but in such a good way. ''
His previous CDs, Stay and Restored, are awesome - it's kind of pop-rock and the ballads are inspiring in their praise. I've only heard a snippet of the first radio song, `Tonight' and it seems typical JC, meaning it's pretty good.
Apparently the album gets an early November release in Australia.

Brace yourself

A trip to the orthodontist today revealed that it is recommended I get braces. While this is something usually occurring in your teens it came as no surprise.
I have some time to think about it but I'm pretty sure I'm going to go for it.
The way I look at it, in five years time the teeth will probably be beyond the point of no return and I'll wonder why I didn't do something when I had the chance.
So now that I have the chance I'd be mad not to take it and repair the number one thing I don't like about myself.
I'm told it will be about an 18 month process, thereabouts, so sooner is much better than later.

Choices, troubles, darkness, light

By whatever means you see it, you are exactly where you want to be right now.
The choices you made, given the circumstances you find you in led to this point. We all fight against this truth but the more I think about it the more I think it is truth.

Sure, I don't like some of the thing that have occurred in the past. Far too much time, and energy, has been expended fighting against the reality that is right now. I'd like to say I won't let them win but in a way they are already winning.

Like someone crippled with a phobia-driven fear, circumstance has been in the drivers seat for as long as I can remember. What if people find out about this, or about that? What if I had done this or that? They won't like me if they know this. How could this happen to me? Some of those things are a result of choices made, some are not. But they could be.

I'd like to say I've learned a lot in the last year or so. I have learned a lot but have I done anything about it? I have learned that life is short. I have learned that humans are not invincible. I have learned that I took certain things for granted. These things shouldn't be learned at 30.

Count the cost. It's immeasurable. What is a normal life? Has it already beaten me? I won't give up, you can't give up, it's just that sometimes you want to. There's no alternative but to fight. I'm not a fighter. Life must go on. It stopped long ago. Time moves fast. Time is my greatest enemy.

Touch. There's a great wall before me. Distance. A road less travelled. Darkness. I get covered.

This is not me. I used to feel so strong. Now I feel weak. This is not me. I've been lying to you just to convince myself. This is not me. (borrowed lyrics from Delta Goodrem's This is Not Me)

There is a light. He has given me unbelievable strength. Acknowledgement isn't always forthcoming but He has never left me. I don't talk to Him enough but he always listens. People can hear you but they aren't always listening.

My choices have me standing where I am. Do I need to choose to change? Change is required but that means leaving the comfort zone. Comfort zones are called that because they are comfortable. Stress is bad. But if I stay in the comfort zone....

* Inspired somewhat by a blog written by Brant Fowler, see The Road Less Traveled , and I thank him for writing it.

Racehorse heaven

As a horse racing enthusiast I was excited to hear about an initiative, of course a Victorian* one, where retired racehorses will be housed together and the gates thrown open to the public.
Read about it here.
Melbourne Cup winners like Saintly (pictured from the Herald Sun article), Might And Power and a host of other greats all in the one paddock. It truly is horse heaven. If only I lived in Melbourne!

* In horse racing, anything innovative happens first in Victoria. It's just something we in NSW have come to accept. That's why their industry continues to thrive and we play catch up.

It's a virus

Apparently it's just a virus that has caused all sorts of problems in the last few days.
It looks like the temperature is subsiding but I still feel a bit spacey from time to time and tired.
The good news is the doctor didn't feel compelled to give me antibiotics and just said rest and fluids were the best thing.
Of course I am still stupid enough to go to work today. Partially because I enjoy my work most of the time and there isn't anyone else to do the job today.
Fortunately it isn't a strenuous day and I'll get away with it for now. But a couple of days of solid rest lie ahead and hopefully things can improve. I do have a couple of things I need to take care of in the next couple of days so there is a bit of conflict there.
As usual, I always default to the worst case scenario and was initially concerned about a flare up. But there are no other signs so that is highly unlikely.

Fever

According to the doctor, I have a temperature of 37.9 degrees - no wonder I have felt like burning for a few days. A day off or two is ahead now, rest and fluids and hopefully we can knock it on the head.

See The Morning - the review

I have already said that I believe Chris Tomlin is the benchmark when it comes to P&W music and his new, highly anticipated, CD `See The Morning' has done nothing to change that view.
It was a pleasant surprise when I was able to buy the CD today, having only called into the shop in my travels to check when it was released.
This is of course the follow-up to the outstanding `Arriving' CD of 2004. I won't do a track-by-track but just highlight what has struck me most on a couple of listens.
I think the stand-out song is `Made To Worship', which isn't unlike Indescribable (from the Arriving CD) in its praise.
But it's hard to convey the genuine emotion in words.
`You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
What you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be'

I quite like `Everlasting God' which wasn't actually written or co-written by Chris Tomlin and the last three songs, `Rejoice', `Let Your Mercy Reign' and `Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)' are really something.
I want to focus on Amazing Grace. It's a song we all know and I'm sure all love. To me classics like this are untouchable. The liner notes on the CD by Chris Tomlin say when he was researching the song he discovered the original final verse written by John Newton was different to the `10 Thousand Years' verse we sing. So he has recorded the original words and added a refrain. I think he has done justice to the song. It retains it's familiar feel. Covering classics is fraught with danger. He's done it well.

To finish, he explains why the CD is called `See The Morning', along with several bible verses. It is clear Chris wants the album to be positive and uplifting (not surprising for a P&W album).

He writes `The morning is a place of hope, a place of worship...I pray these songs help you see the morning. If you find yourself in the dark night of hardship, grief or circumstance, know that the morning is coming. And if you find yourself in the best of times, praise God for the morning.'

Darkness is welcome

After whingeing and complaining about it being far too light in my room in the mornings, today I finally did something about it.
With the sun rising between 5 and 6am these days I have been waking up too early for my liking. Today I bought curtains for the room and, having put them up, I think they should do the trick.
It may be a tad too dark in here at the moment, the electric light is struggling to fill up the room. I take that as a good sign for the night ahead.
I'm already looking forward to going to bed tonight!

Life Lessons From Cancer

Quite a moving article from this month's Southern Cross on one woman's battle with cancer, her struggle to shield her children and facing your own mortality.

I don't really need too much reminding about such issues but it really was something reading about how this woman has coped, and importantly survived.
I am reminded of last night's sermon from 1 Peter 1:13-25, following on from last week's discussion about trials. Last night we were challenged to be ready when trials come.
To be prepared.
I certainly wasn't prepared, mentally, for my trials of the last 18 months or so. I think that would be pretty obvious to just about anyone who knows me.
Another thing that is clear is that I am still not mentally prepared, so last night's jolt couldn't be more timely. I don't think it is stretching the imagination too much to say that I am firmly entrenched in denial.
While I understand a lot more about what's going on under my skin, mentally and emotionally (if those two things can be separated) I am running somewhat scared.
I'll quickly say that getting a hold of things is easier said than done but that is no excuse, it must be done.

The Devil Wears Prada

If you want to see an actor at their absolute best you could do worse than check out Meryl Streep's performance in The Devil Wears Prada.
While it didn't particularly appeal to me initially, I saw the film last night and was pleasantly surprised.
Streep plays Miranda Priestly, the editor of Runway magazine, and it quickly becomes apparent that she is seen by her staff as something of a monster. Anne Hathaway is the aspiring journalist, Andrea, who seeks a job at Runway out of desperation and who clearly doesn't fit in.
Fashion trends begin and end with Priestly and she can destroy a fashion line by simply pursiing her lips. She refers to both her assistants as `Emily' and at times refers to Andrea as `my new Emily'. She truly is an awful person.
I was quite taken with the performance of Emily Blunt as the `original' Emily, who has a very disarming, for me, English accent.
With her job on the line Andrea makes a last ditch effort to fit in and gets an image overhaul, referred to by another character as `selling her soul'. But is this what she really wants? Her relationships with her boyfriend (played by Adrian Greiner from Entourage) and her closest friends change quickly as she becomes driven and controlled by her job.
A lot of the advertising seems to think this film is a chick flick and while on one level I suppose it is, because how many of us are that into fashion, but it certainly isn't a romantic comedy. It is a comedy though and there were some very funny moments.
As I said, Streep is absolutely sensational. She drives the film and makes it entirely watchable. She also displays a small soft spot in her character which isn't easy to do when you are playing such a character.
I didn't expect to enjoy this. I'm giving a 7.5 out of 10. It wasn't a great film compared to some others, largely dramas, this year but I enjoyed it immensely.