Josh's big day

It's hard to believe, but my five-year-old nephew Joshua is having his firts day of Kindergarten tomorrow.
The little guy appears to be looking forward to going to `big school' which is good because little does he know there are another 13 years left. I hope he does well at school, life's a lot easier if you've got a decent education.

With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept

A very moving and brave episode of One Tree Hill - With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept.
This one from season 3, which would have aired in the USA about a year ago now, revolved around a disgruntled student taking a gun to school. Very controversial in one way but the episode was so well done.
Of the three episodes we watched last night, taking us close to the end of season three, the first two were very dark in tone and the third a much needed light-hearted and quite funny in parts episode.
I might sound like a broken record but this is the best show of its kind on TV, only it's not actually on TV here.
What was exceptional about the episode, aside from the overall gutsiness of handling the topic, were the performances from some of the cast. For a high school soap the bar isn't set all that high and some of them reall stepped up. Most notably Colin Fickes as Jimmy (the kid with the gun) who wasn't given an easy task.

Entourage

I rented season one of the pay-TV show Entourage on the weekend and watched the eight episodes, and it quite grew on me.
The show focuses on a film star Vincent Chase, played by Adrian Greiner (centre in the pic) and his three best mates.
It's a bit rough around the edges but it has some wild cameos and is produced by Mark Wahlberg, who just seems to get better and better with what he does.
Worth a look, I might seek out season 2 and see what happens.
I also watched a film called The Ice Harvest which stars John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton. Given that I didn't notice it at the movies I didn't have high expectations. But as a John Cusack fan I guess there were some. It wasn't a great film but did have its moments.

Conclusion

I knocked over the final part of Lucky Man fairly quickly.
Again I would say it's a very interesting read and offers great insight into the struggles Michael faced when trying to hide his condition, from others and in some way from himself.

`The other shoe had already dropped, and I had survived. There was nothing left to fear. You're only as sick as your secrets.' (page 278).

Here's another segment and one I find quite profound.
`Illness is a scary business, and somewhere deep inside, or maybe not so deep inside, we're all wondering if it could happen to us, and how we would cope if it did....At one time or another, during times of personal struggle or loss, we've all heard people tell us they would `pray for us'...I no longer underestimate the power of prayer'. (page 297)

I hope I can take a lot from having read this, about how to accommodate life's struggles rather than let them dominate.
Footnote: I watched a bit of Spin City, made before he announced his condition, and it was interesting to note that a lot of the time his left hand (the one worst affected at the time) spent a lot of time in his pocket. Never noticed that before.

Lucky Man

It's been a while since I read a book and I am fairly flying through this one, Lucky Man. It's Michael J Fox's story about his battle with Parkinson's Disease. This is what the back cover says:
When Michael J Fox stunned the world by announcing that he had Parkinson's Disease, a degenerative neurological condition, he had been secretly fighting it for seven years. By the time the public started grieving for him, he had stopped grieving for himself...
As a huge fan of the Back To The Future trilogy and of Spin City (though to a lesser extent) I felt this memoir was a must-read and I'm about 90 pages away from finishing it. I'll pass on some final thoughts once that is done.
But I feel that this could be the most important book I have read in some time. The way he has dealt with, or not dealt with as the case was for some time, the diagnosis has been scary. I think there is a lot for me personally to learn from reading this account of his experience.

Following are three short passages from the book:
`While I was doing something indisputably positive by quitting drinking, in the rest of my life, I was still pursuing the same fear-based agenda that had gotten locked into place in the days following my diagnosis.' (page 204).
`..Reading it today, what's perhaps most astonishing about my manifesto is the one thing it failed to mention. That I had Parkinson's Disease, and it wasn't ever going to go away.' (page 216)
`With everything that Woody Allen was going through that spring, there was nothing more terrifying to him that the prospect of incurable disease. And then suddenly it hit me. Hey, I have an incurable disease - and I'm laughing anyway. I must be doing okay.' (page 232)

Though it doesn't cut straight to the chase about the Parkinson's, as the book takes you through his journey from obscurity in Canada to Hollywood star, there is important context. I'd encourage anyone and everyone to have a read of Lucky Man, even if you don't suffer from degenerative or chronic conditions. There is a good lesson to be learned, believe me. And I'm not even finished reading it yet.
Michael's push to find a cure for Parkinson's is bold and courageous and he should be applauded, even in the light of his controversial push for stem cell research. (I don't have a clear position on this issue and those who know me would know why).

Australia Day

January 26, a public holiday to celebrate Australia.
It's a day when people hit the beach, have a barbeque, watch Australia beat England again (you never get sick of that) in the cricket and, in my case, have a punt on the horse races.
With all the flag controversy this week you can guarantee that there'll be millions of Aussie flags flying proudly in the face of some ridiculous attempt at political correctness. Since when has your national flag been seen as offensive?

24 Days

Today marks the first of 24 days off work, thanks to weekends and public holidays like today, and it is shaping as an important period.
I'm not sure whether 24 is enough (in the bible major periods of change or enlightenment took 40 days) but it is very well received. Work has been fairly good this last few weeks, on the whole, but is has also been trying.
My mum's theory seems to be that I haven't yet fully recovered from the burn out that occurred at the end of November. Add to that the fact that I am highly impatient and just want to be a fully functional person again.
I am taking steps to get there with the first of those hopefully happening tomorrow, pending confirmation of an appointment. I'm motivated, even if I don't always seem to be, to get rid of the monster that has been hanging around for a while.
There was some good news, medically, during the week with an appointment with my specialist going well. I was fearing a change in medication but he saw no need at this point and I was quite relieved.

Wise words

I came across an article in the Daily Telegraph this afternoon, which you can read here, about the 10th anniversary this year of Stuart Diver's escape from the Thredbo disaster of 1997.

Here are a few quotes from the story:
`You either go one of two ways with it. You either say, 'I'm going to do something positive with my life' or paint the windows of my house black and stay inside forever.
`I try to forget as much as I can. Time makes it fade. If you try to relive a tragedy every day, that can be hugely detrimental.'
`The positive way is to move on with life and try to help other people.'

Stuart Diver's story will always be an amazing one but I found his comments (advice) on putting behind him such a major traumatic experience to be inspirational. It can't be an easy thing to move past but he seems to have won that battle, or is at least winning.

Big week X 2

The past five days or so have been a bit of a blur, having thrown myself into a huge week at work. It was a good week but I think it was all a bit too much. By Friday I was exhausted and a bit run down and was feeling it.
I also did one or two things this past week that weren't overly smart and definitely won't be featuring on my highlights reel.
A reasonable night's sleep last night helped in some way, but it's funny how when you play catch-up on sleep you always feel more tired the next day!
I am taking some more time off work from next weekend, most likely three weeks, and I see it as an important time. Anyone with ideas or tips on managing stress/anxiety in your life I'm all ears because I need to learn.
But before the break I have another interesting week ahead with an appointment with my specialist to review everything that has happened in the last couple of months and pinpoint a way forward. I already know what he's going to say, at least I think I do, and I'm not particularly in favour of it but that's something I'll have to wait and see.

Senseless

While doing some channel flicking this afternoon I came across a curious dating show on MTV called Senseless and it was disturbingly interesting.
Basically a guy (or a girl) seeking a date is led into a dark room and has to work out who he wants to date by a process of elimination. The first catch is that he can't see them so he has to use his other senses to narrow the six down to one over a few rounds.
The next catch is that two of the six are `hotties' keen to date him, two are `notties' who are in it for the monetary prize if they get picked (and generally seem to be exes as well), and two `grotties' who are rather undesirable.
Funnily enough each contestant that I saw (there was a marathon on and I just got hooked) seemed to pick their ex, or one of the people in it for the money.
It was all very weird.

Two steps forward, one step back

It's been an interesting week.
Managed to make it back to work in reasonable shape and despite the odd moment of uncertainty, on the whole, handled it okay. But just okay.
It's a long story, and one that I will not go into here, but there is a chance that I will take another break, of at least two weeks I'd say, coming up shortly. A break designed more to clear my head, settle and work out where everything fits.
At least that will be the intention if I decide to go that way.
There have been a few interesting suggestions from others about what to do in the current situation recently, including one from a friend who suggested it was time to quit my job and ``enjoy life''. While that is appealing I am not the type of person to not have something organised. (Now if I happened to win Lotto that might be an option).
I've committed to working next week before making an assessment of what I will do after that.
It has been good going into the office and, when I'm not too stuck in my own world, getting involved in the always animated conversations that go on.
Also it appears the guys I used to work with have accepted my change of role. At least that is the way it looks so that is pretty good.

Don't Give Up

As a rule I am not a fan of cover versions. However, there are always exceptions.
The new version of `Don't Give Up' by Shannon Noll and Natalie Bassingthwaigte is exceptional. It's been released as the lead single from an album called Songs Of Hope And Journey which aims to raise money for Beyond Blue, an organisation which raises awareness for depression.
I've got to say that listening to this song really does give you a lift, no pun intended (re Shannon's album title). It's important that anyone going through a tough time, and we all do, not to lose hope and not to surrender. I don't always practice what I'm preaching here but I'm trying.

Mixed bag

Last night I decided to watch a couple of films on DVD and the two I chose couldn't have been any different, one I had seen and was keen to see again and another that had been recommended.
After watching 2:37 again (you will note it was my number four movie of 2006) I have decided that I won't be buying it, even though I still think it is an amazing, shocking, gripping and important movie. In the end, it's just too much of an emotional ride and I have to draw a line somewhere. I don't for a second regret seeing it but after a second watch I don't see how watching such a film multiple times is good for me.
The second film was 16 Blocks, starring Bruce Willis. This film made my movie buff friend Rod's top five of the past year and, I gotta say: `what were you thinking!?!'
Featuring a disinterested and dishevelled Willis and easily the most annoying character I've seen since Urkel, played by Mos Def. You could see where it was going and it was simply an ordinary film.

The corner

In some ways I am starting to feel like me again.
While I think there is still some ground to be made up, I think there are far fewer trees in the forest.
I thought I'd be very prepared for the fall when it came but it turns out I was massively under-prepared. And it showed and took its toll.
The past month or two has been very testing and there has been some emotional violence and some collateral damage. It has been trying but hopefully I have turned a corner.
Now I am not going to start leaping tall buildings, I'll leave that to Superman, but for the most part I feel like I can resume living. It's not going to be easy, there are still a few niggling issues at hand.
Mostly they are beyond my control.
How I react to all this will be revealed in the coming days I am sure.
Clearly, some things must change.

The Holiday

Continuing the tradition of the New Year's Day `light and fluffy' film tradition in 2007 was The Holiday.
I guess I wasn't expecting it to be anything more than your standard romantic comedy so I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be well above average.
A great cast helps in films like this and The Holiday has one. With Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law and Jack Black the charm and presence on screen makes up for just about any flaw in the well tried concept.
Winslet, as British reporter Iris, and Diaz as Hollywood film trailer producer Amanda, swap houses for Christmas when their love lives take a turn for the worse.
You can work out what is likely to happen from just seeing the poster. It's all been done before, most notably in Love Actually a few years back, but The Holiday stands up pretty well against it. As I said the charm of the main actors (and a couple of support actors) take the film a long way, it's quite funny and very accessible. There's also a funny cameo from Dustin Hoffman to look out for.
In all, a great start to 2007 movie-wise. Above average for the genre and worthy of an 8 out of 10.